“A few. One every few months.”
“And you get away with it?”
“They rarely get reported as murders, thank God. Most of them are businessmen who have a thousand other secrets - tax evasion, for one. The police usually think they’re skipping town to avoid the bills from Uncle Sam. Or if they’re in disputes with the local gangs, or if they’re addicted to drugs. Lots of evidence pointing in all directions. Except toward me.”
“How many?” I wasn’t sure I even wanted to know, but my curiosity got the best of me.
“Are you going to finish that?” Gav reached over and forked the last piece of my omelet into his mouth. “You know, psychopaths really aren’t that dangerous.”
“Really.” I frowned. He was acting like it wasn’t a big deal. And he seemed so normal now, in the daylight. It made me feel sick. Sick that I had been falling for him, sick that even now, I didn’t know if I hated him or if I was pretending to hate him.
“It’s only around three percent of all violent crimes that are committed by psychopaths, you know.” He chewed on one side of his mouth thoughtfully. “The vast majority of murders are done by irate spouses, or gangs, or whatever. Not by people like me.”
“I’m sure that’s a relief to all the people you kill.”
“No, I suppose not. But everybody always worries about the psychopaths coming after them, and never about the wife they’re cheating on, or their drug dealers, or their disgruntled employees. It’s just not likely for a serial killer to get you.”
“You got me.”
“Not like that, kitten,” Gav said, chuckling.
“Don’t kill him today.”
He swallowed. The smile faded from his face.
“Excuse me?”
“You asked what I wanted. Another trade, right? I want you to not kill him.”
“You don’t know this man,” Gav said, his lips pressed together so hard that they were turning white. “He was convicted of spousal abuse two years ago and bought the judge. All he had to do was pay a fine and attend some bullshit counseling sessions. He’s been fucking his intern—”
“I don’t care,” I said, my voice shaking. “Don’t kill him. Don’t leave me again today. Don’t do it.”
“Kitten—”
“You asked what I want. That’s what I want.”
Anger clouded his face. He stood and picked up my plate, stacked it atop his, and dropped both of them into the sink. My shoulders jerked at the noise.
“Upstairs.”
He grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me out of the kitchen. His face was dark, as dark as it had been after I’d tried to kill him with the razor. He pulled me back up the stairs and into the bedroom. My heart was racing. What had I done?
“Lay down.”
I sat on the bed, but I wasn’t quick enough. He shoved me down and looped the rope around my wrists.
“Gav, you promised—”
“You’re hurting me with this.”
“But you promised—”
“For today. Yes. I won’t kill him today. There’s your trade.” He spat the words bitterly as he tied my ankles roughly, not caring how tight they were.
“Where are you going?”
“What does it matter to you?”
“Don’t lie to me.” I thought of my parents, about them asking me to come home. I didn’t have a home. I never had a home, not with them, not with anybody. And not here.
“I’ll be back soon,” he said.
“Gav, don’t kill him! Don’t kill anyone, don’t—”
But he was already gone.
Gav
The shadow taunted me. I could go anyway, lie to her and go for the kill. It was a man who deserved to die, and I did not deserve to be like this. The shadow clouded all of my vision as I banged down the stairs, got the ax out from the hallway closet. I slammed the door shut behind me.
In the forest, the birds stopped chirping as I walked into the clearing. I dragged a small fallen tree over to the chopping block, hacked it into logs. Put the first log up onto the block.
“Trade. This isn’t a trade.”
My arms swung the ax. The blade arced up and then down, splintering the log into two pieces. The noise shattered the silence of the forest and I heard the birds flying off their perches. I replaced the log and swung again.
“This is revenge. This is her teasing me. Stupid. I could kill her if I wanted to.”
I could pretend that my anger was due to injustice. That I wanted to kill this man to save the people around him. But there was no saving anyone in this world, and all I wanted was for the damn shadow to go away.