“Damn it,” he mumbled. Ella immediately tried to move away to give him space, but he tightened his hold. “Don’t move. I like having you here.”
Relaxing half into the cushions and half into him, she studied the tense, pain-filled lines of his face, then caressed his cheek. His eyes opened and stared back at her. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since you came out of nowhere, all ninja badass, and brought Ralph to his knees.”
She chuckled softly. “And I’ve wanted you to kiss me since you called me hot stuff.”
“That was two days after we met,” he softly teased. “It took that long?”
She tapped the tip of his nose. “Remember you were an ass when we first met. I wanted to hit you, not kiss you.”
Leaning back against the throw pillow, he smiled. “Oh, yeah. Glad you don’t think I’m an ass anymore.”
“No, you’re still an ass. I just see there’s more to you than that now.”
An intense expression crossed his features as he ran his fingers up and down her arm, causing goose bumps to pucker on her skin.
“Like what?” he asked.
The vulnerability in his voice shocked her. Lance always came across as confident—why he’d need reaffirming words from her made no sense. But she said, “You’re a phenomenal trainer with endless patience, you’re funny, protective over those you care about, and you’re an amazing father.”
He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he stared directly at her. “I’m also all kinds of fucked up.”
“Who isn’t?”
“You’re together, Kelsey.”
A disbelieving laugh shot out of her mouth. “The last thing I am is together.”
“Still, you’d be better off staying away from me.”
She craned back. “That’s the second time you’ve said that, but I don’t see you fighting too hard to keep a distance.”
“Because I can’t. You’ve become a weakness to me. I need you to be strong for both of us.”
“What if I don’t want to?” And she meant that. She was ready to move forward to the next stage with him.
Closing his eyes again, he lightly shook his head. “I’m no good for you.”
Why would he think that?
“I’ve got my own skeletons I’m wrestling with.” She ran a finger along his jawline. “I don’t want to think about my issues. I just want to enjoy the moment for a change.”
All she seemed to do was worry about Randy, her training, the future, the McNealys…everything. She was so damned tired of it. But with Lance, things just happened. Exciting things. She selfishly didn’t want to lose that.
As he remained quiet, she nudged him. “What do you say?” The indecision in his eyes concerned her, and she pushed up on her elbow. “If I’m being too pushy—”
“No, you’re not. I’d love to stop worrying with you. It’s just…” He trailed off and glanced away.
“What?”
“It’s not that simple for me. I think it would be best if we kept things the way they are.”
The bitter taste of rejection clogged her throat. She pushed off the couch and stood. “Of course. You’re right.”
“Kelsey.” Reaching for her, Lance went to sit up then clutched his stomach, groaning.
“I’ll get you a blanket. You can sleep on the couch tonight.” Before he could say another word, she hurried out of the room, grabbed a quilt from a closet, then tossed it at him from the doorway. As she rushed up the stairs, a harsh burn attacked the back of her eyes.
This feeling of rejection was stupid. There was no doubt Lance wanted her, but she felt the rebuff all the same. For the first time in years, she’d forgotten. In his arms, she’d forgotten.
Stop worrying.
What he wouldn’t give to do just that. With an arm slung above his head, Lance stared at the darkened ceiling as he listened to Kelsey moving around upstairs. Every single bit of him wanted to march up those steps and wipe away the hurt he’d seen on her face before she’d fled the room.
The last thing he wanted was to hurt Kelsey. Damn it, he shouldn’t have kissed her. But with her hands moving across his body, he couldn’t stop himself.
Now he’d fucked everything up and made it more complicated. He couldn’t afford to stop worrying. That worry was the only thing keeping her safe from him.