“No way! I remember falling asleep on your shoulder,” I countered.
“Mmhmm. And then you woke up and you wanted to talk to your dad and then your mom. Finn and then Ryan,” Gretchen said. “Especially Ryan.”
I placed my hands over my face. “I’m such an idiot.”
“You are not,” Gretchen said, unwrapping her hair and pulling it up in a wet bun. “It was harmless fun. You got silly, and then I put you to bed. Just promise me you’ll never drink by yourself.”
“I’m never drinking again, period,” I muttered.
Gretchen sighed. “That’s what they all say.”
I rolled on to my side and nearly screamed in agony. The throbbing in my head pulsed close to an explosion before settling once again into a punishing ache.
“I’m going for breakfast. What do you want?”
The thought of food made me want to hurl. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard.
“You shouldn’t go out with wet hair. It’s cold,” I said.
“It’s fine. And I’m making you eat something,” Gretchen said. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
I had no plans to leave her bed. Ever.
When I got home around three, I collapsed in my own bed. The day was already wasted, and I wanted nothing more than to sleep away my headache. I convinced myself I wouldn’t dream this time because my brain wasn’t working right. How could I possibly summon events from my past when I couldn’t remember the day of the week?
“Okay, you were right,” Beth admitted. “I think I’m in love with him.”
“Oh?” I squirmed in the passenger seat.
“Yes. And I’ve never felt this way about anybody,” Beth said. “At the risk of sounding super cheesy, thank you.”
She glanced my way for a second before turning back to the road.
“Thank me for what?” I asked.
“For setting me up with him! Hello?” She looked at me again. “What’s up with you today?”
“Nothing,” I lied.
I couldn’t shake the memory of Finn leaning over and kissing me. It happened last night. We went out, the three of us since I had failed at yet another blind date, and we took Beth home first. That left me for last, and he kissed me before I could find the door handle and scramble out of the car.
It didn’t exactly come out of nowhere. He had been flirting with me for the past week, always covert and always in Beth’s absence. When I mustered the courage to ask him what the hell he was doing, he kissed me. And I kissed him back.
“Brooke?”
“Huh?”
“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” Beth asked, pulling into the mall parking lot.
“Nothing,” I said. “I swear it.”
“You sure?” she pressed.
“Positive.”
Beth paused for the briefest second. “Okay then. Can we keep talking about me?”
I smiled. “Sure.”
We hurried into the mall. Neither one of us brought an umbrella, and a light April rain threatened to ruin Beth’s perfectly styled hair. My hair, however, looked like shit, and I was more than happy to stand in the rain if it melted me to nothing. It was the guilt that made me want to disappear.
“Finn is taking me out tonight,” Beth said.
“I know.”
“And I think he’s gonna tell me something.”
My heart clenched. “Oh yeah?”
“Well, he’s taking me to that fancy restaurant on Glenwood Avenue. That can mean only one thing.”
“He’s gonna pop the question?” I asked teasingly.
Beth laughed. “Get real! But now that you said that, it makes saying ‘I love you’ not nearly as good.”
“He loves you,” I whispered, somewhere between a question and a statement.
“I think so,” Beth replied. “But if I’m totally wrong, forget we had this conversation.”
He loves her. That’s all I could think of as we roamed from store to store taking notes of the newest fashion trends. Normally I loved doing this. I loved clothes, accessorizing outfits, finding the perfect shoes. But today it seemed so empty and pointless.
I considered telling Beth right there, but I couldn’t stand the thought of her reaction. I actually feared it. I feared she would be upset with me, though I never seduced Finn. I never gave him any reason to believe that I wanted to be more than friends with him. He was dating my best friend, for Christ’s sake! But I also couldn’t deny my physical attraction to him. It started growing about a month ago, but I tried with every ounce of fight in me to bury it. I convinced myself that I was just jealous of Finn and Beth. They had the kind of relationship I wanted. Surely that was the only thing that accounted for my lust.
***