Going Under

“Oh, you’re talking about the mean girls,” I said.

I felt awful. I knew the conversation was painful for her. I knew it was drudging up old memories she’d rather keep buried, but I had to know what happened to her. After the party, I resolved to be a martyr if I had to, for each and every one of these girls. But I needed more information. It wasn’t just about Cal anymore. I could most likely put myself in a compromising situation with him any time I wanted. No, it was more than that. There were others, and I wouldn’t be satisfied with just destroying Cal’s life. I was taking them all under.

Lucy nodded. She looked like she was making up her mind, debating how much to share with me. She started to speak but promptly closed her mouth when Cal approached my desk.

“Hey, Brooke,” he said, shooting Lucy a sidelong glance. I saw her tremble. Tremble.

“Hi, Cal,” I replied.

“Wish you would have stayed longer at the party,” he said. “I wanted to hang out with you more.”

“Well, duty called,” I replied. “I had to get my friends home.”

“Yeah, they looked pretty wasted,” Cal said. “One of them was all over Parker.”

“I think I remember him being all over her,” I corrected.

“Oh, that’s right,” Cal said, shaking his head. “You really pissed him off.” He chuckled. “You interrupted his game.”

“Excuse me,” Lucy whispered, and vanished from the room.

Cal watched her leave then turned back to me. “Hey listen, you probably don’t want to get involved with her.”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” I asked.

“She’s loony, if you know what I mean,” he explained. “I think her dad committed suicide or something, and she’s just been a nutcase ever since.”

I hated Cal. I hated his guts. If I had a shank in my purse, I’d whip it out this instant and plunge it into his heart. Then I’d cut his tongue out for being such a fucking liar. Lucy’s dad was alive and well, as I learned last week when she mentioned something to me about his job. The only person who might have turned Lucy into a nutcase, if she even was a nutcase, was Cal himself. He raped her, too. I knew he did.

Suddenly I looked over at Ryan. I remembered Cal’s warning to me in the gym, to stay away from Ryan because he was crazy. What happened to Ryan? Obviously it had something to do with Cal. My mind raced in that moment, remembering Ryan’s sister at the restaurant. She looked like she could be in high school, but I’d never seen her. Perhaps I just wasn’t paying attention. What if something happened to her? What if she was another victim, and Ryan was powerless to do anything about it? Rapes become much harder to prosecute if there’s no physical evidence. I doubted any of these girls went to the hospital after their attacks. I doubted Ryan’s sister did, being so young and afraid. And ashamed.

My mind was reeling by this point, and it took me a long time to hear Cal’s voice in the distance working to get my attention.

“Brooke!” he said. “Damn girl, where’d you go?”

I shook my head. “I have this massive test today in physics. I’m sorry. I just spaced.”

I turned my head to see Lucy hanging around just outside the classroom, reluctant to come back in until Cal was safely in his seat at the back of the room.

“Well, think about what I said. Just trying to help you out. Being new and all,” Cal said.

He walked to the back of the room, and only then did Lucy come inside. She slid into her seat soundlessly and didn’t acknowledge my presence.

***

“Say ‘BFFs!’” Mom exclaimed behind the camera.

“BFFs!” we screamed, holding up our necklaces so that the separate pieces were joined, fixing the crack, making a whole heart that read “Best Friends.” It was my favorite birthday present from my favorite person.

Beth hung around after all the party guests left. She was spending the night, and we had big plans that included pizza, movies, make-up, and gossip. I didn’t think any of my subsequent birthdays would live up to this one. I decided that eight years old was the perfect age, and I wanted to freeze frame this moment, wearing a pretty piece of jewelry my best friend carefully picked out for me, and never grow older.

“You promise not to take it off?” Beth asked, sitting with me at the kitchen table.

“I won’t ever,” I said, thinking I couldn’t wait to show it off Monday morning to those particular girls at school I didn’t like.

Beth grinned from ear to ear watching me finger the heart piece.

“I wanted the ‘Be Fri,’ but I knew you’d want it,” she said.

It’s true. I’m glad I had the “Be Fri” over “st ends,” but I was willing to exchange. If it made Beth happy, no matter that it was my birthday, I was willing to trade.

“Wanna trade?” I asked.

“No no,” she answered. “I like my half now. I’m just saying that when I first saw it, I thought I wanted yours.”

I smiled and grabbed another plate with cake. “Wanna share?”

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