“Of course I’ve been to Liz’s store. I’ve just never been to any other store. And I don’t really think her store counts since it’s not like it’s full of sex toys right out in front,” I explain.
“True. My store is like a mullet. Business in the front, party in the back,” Liz states.
“Or like anal,” Drew says with a laugh.
Everyone stares at him.
“What? It’s totally like anal. Business in the front, party in the back. Hello? Why is that not funny?”
Jenny pats his arm for comfort and we all resume our discussion.
“If you guys will remember, I never even owned a vibrator until Liz conned me into doing one of her at-home parties,” I remind them.
“Ahhhh yes, the infamous dinner where we talked about your vagina and sex toys all night long,” Jim says with a laugh.
That night still goes down in history as one of the most mortifying nights of my life. It had been the night after I saw Carter again for the first time since our one-night-stand. I walked into Liz and Jim’s house, talking nonsense about my vagina and how I’d never had an orgasm with another human being when I turned around and saw Carter and Drew sitting on the couch listening to every word. Jim met them earlier in the day and unbeknownst to Liz or I, invited them over for dinner. The rest of the night had been spent discussing how many sex toys I received at the party earlier that evening and the fact I only had sex one and a half times in my life.
“Anyway,” I say with a glare to Jim, bringing the conversation back around. “No, I’ve never been inside a real, live sex toy store.”
Drew pushes his chair back and stands up, placing his hands on his hips.
“Grab your keys, folks. We’re going to pop Claire’s toy store cherry!”
Everyone pays their bills and Liz announces to the guys that the girls need some alone time. The men all pile into Drew’s car and Jenny and I get into Liz’s car to head to the Adult Mart a few towns over.
“Okay, spill it bitch. What’s going on with you?” Liz asks as she pulls out of the parking lot and follows Drew’s car.
That’s all it takes for the dam to break. I immediately start crying.
God dammit, what the fuck is wrong with me?
Jenny leans forward from the back seat and hands me a kleenex. I take it and blow my nose, taking deep breaths to calm myself down.
“I don’t think Carter wants to marry me,” I say between sniffles.
“Whoa, wait a minute. Did he say that to you? I will kick his fucking ass,” Liz threatens as she turns on her blinker and gets onto the ramp for the highway.
“No! No, he didn’t say those exact words. It’s just little things that have happened the past few weeks,” I tell her.
“Okay, what little things? And why is this news to me that you even care about getting married? You have always been a staunch supporter of living in sin because of your parents. Why the sudden change of heart?”
This is where I feel stupid. Does it sound dumb that my change of heart came from being jealous of her and Jim? That seeing them so happy and pledging their love to one another has made me realize how much I want that for myself?
“I know that’s what I’ve always said, and I guess part of me really believed that. I mean come on, my parents don’t exactly have the best track record. What makes me think I would be any good at that kind of thing?” I ask.
“Sweetie, no one knows if they will be good at that kind of thing. It’s not like you’re born with a marriage gene. It all just depends on the person you’re with. If you can look at that person and know without a doubt that you want to spend the rest of your life kissing them goodnight and waking up next to them, marriage is for you,” she tells me.
I start crying again and put my head in my hands.
“When I caught the bouquet at your reception, you should have seen the look of horror on Carter’s face. He seriously looked petrified that the old wives’ tale would come true,” I explain as I wipe the tears from my cheeks and take a deep breath.
Liz stares at me while we sit at a red light.
“What?” I ask.
“You mean that’s it? That’s where all of this doubt and sadness is coming from? He looked at you a little funny when you caught a bouquet at a wedding? That doesn’t exactly scream ‘I hate marriage’ you know. He could have just been a little surprised. Did he actually say he was freaked out that you caught the bouquet?”
I huff and my sadness is immediately replaced with irritation.