Just tell him. Tell him that all of a sudden after Liz and Jim’s wedding, all you can think about is donning a white dress, standing in front of everyone you know, and committing the rest of your life to this man.
“Ever since the wedding you’ve been on edge. Don’t worry, I have no intention of dragging you to the altar if that’s what you’re worried about,” Carter says with a laugh.
I close my eyes and let my head fall forward. I should have never made those little comments all these months about how I'm not sure about the whole idea of marriage. How the hell am I supposed to know I’d change my mind?
“It’s nothing, really,” I reassure him, turning in his arms and putting on a happy face I don’t really feel. I place my hands on his cheeks and pull his face to mine, kissing him with all of the love I feel bubbling in side of me. Carter moans softly and wraps his arms around me, holding me tight.
The front door opens and closes, and we end the kiss that's sure to heat up if we don’t stop. No matter what we have going on in our minds, no matter what kind of struggles we are dealing with, nothing can change the spark between us or how much we want and need each other. That is one thing I'm absolutely positive of. Right now, that is the only thing I am sure of.
“I love you,” I tell him, staring into his gorgeous blue eyes and trying to push my worries to the back of my mind. “I’m just out of sorts. Liz has been crazy busy since she got back from her honeymoon. We haven’t had a lot of time to talk and I miss her. And I just haven’t been feeling well.”
Carter puts his hand to my forehead as Gavin comes running into the room.
“You do look a little flushed. Are you coming down with something?” he asks, pressing the back of his hand to one of my cheeks.
“I’m sure it’s nothing. Just stress,” I reassure him.
“Hey, Dad, guess what my favorite word is?” Gavin asks as he stands next to us, bouncing back and forth excitedly from one foot to the other.
“I don’t know, what’s your favorite word?” Carter asks as we separate from our embrace, and I go back to rinsing out my coffee cup and the other couple of dishes in the sink.
“Nutjob. Nutjob is my favorite word.”
“Of course it is,” Carter states with a sigh as he lifts Gavin into his arms and starts walking across the kitchen, no doubt to once again explain to him the difference between little people words and big people words. I know it’s wrong to staple something to someone’s head, but I am two seconds away from writing this rule down on a piece of paper and smacking it to Gavin’s head with the black Swingline that's on our computer desk. And just that quickly, I feel like crying for even thinking about doing that to my son. I'm obviously having issues.
“I’ll give Jim a call and see if they have any plans tonight. I think you just need a night out to take your mind off of everything,” Carter tells me as I watch him walk out of the room giving Gavin a few tickles and blowing a zerbert on his cheek.
He’s probably right. I just need a night out with friends, particularly my best friend. Liz and I haven’t had any alone time since she’s been home. She has told me more than once to just say the word and she’ll drop everything so we can sit down and talk, but I feel bad about imposing on her. She's a newlywed with her own business to worry about. I don’t want to bring her down with my insecurities. If I don’t talk to someone, though, I'm going to explode. I can feel it.
Or maybe throw up. I suddenly have an image in my mind of a person literally being blown to bits with blood and gore and body parts splattering against a wall. With my hand to my mouth I race to the bathroom to throw up the small amount of coffee I consumed.
~
“Seriously, Claire? How is it that we’ve been friends all these months and I didn’t know that you’ve never been to one?” Jenny asks with a shocked expression on her face.
“What are we discussing here, ladies? Donkey shows? Midget and donkey shows? Ping pong shooting vaginas in Tijuana?” Drew asks as he gets back from the bathroom and takes his seat at the table.
Carter calls everyone earlier in the day and demands they clear their schedules for a night out. It really isn’t too hard to convince anyone to do this, but I still appreciate the fact that he's organized it for me and knows how much I need it. We are just finishing up dinner at Lorenzo’s, our favorite local pizza place that's famous for not only good food but cheap draft beers. My stomach still isn’t feeling one hundred percent better after that morning so while everyone around me enjoys their drafts, I stick to 7 Up in the hopes of settling things down.
“Claire has never been to a sex toy shop,” Jenny informs him.
“Wait, I’m confused. Liz owns a sex toy shop, and it’s right next door to Claire’s,” Drew tells her, turning his attention on me. “Dude, you’ve never walked over to the shop that’s connected to yours? That’s a little weird.”