He抎 been wearing a simple black t-shirt, a dish towel slung over his shoulder and a toothpick in his teeth, and kept right on singing into a turkey baster microphone.
I抣l start working on a vaguely food-related bit and my mind will veer off to the way the tendons and muscles in his forearms worked as he chopped the celery, onions, and apples for stuffing that day. Or to the way he抎 roll the toothpick to the other side of his mouth with his tongue occasionally as he spoke. To the way he stood behind me at the sink as I struggled to peel a potato, wrapped his palms around mine to demonstrate 搃t抯 just a matter of applying the right pressure, and then it slides easily, see??
I抣l be attempting to write a joke on how men are babies, but then Meyer抯 concerned face will project itself in my brain. The way he抎 jumped up when I clumsily grazed my wrist against the hot burner on the stove. I can still feel the way he blew on the burn, the way he applied a bandaid with a feather-light touch.
Then there are some things I find I can work with, but in their inception they抮e a tiny grain of truth that I抦 then forced to embellish based on my observations of other people抯 relationships and conversations. Like how I start an entire piece on being suspicious of your significant other抯 happiness梐ll based on how even Marissa is picking up on the changes in his demeanor, and how she goes on high alert because of it. Some hug, or a few extra grins slide out of him and I抣l catch her squinted, smug gaze as she mouths what the fuck at me from behind his back. Granted, her suspicions lean toward him wanting more from our arrangement than him hiding something bad, but still.
It makes me think about normal, real relationships and people wondering if their partners have some other motivation when they seem extra attentive. Perhaps they抮e amping up to ask about butt stuff, or planning a trip with their parents? Maybe they took out a credit card and racked up some debt they neglected to share?
It抯 the hardest I抳e ever had to work to try and be funny, and ironically, it抯 the depth of that endeavor that has me questioning if it抯 even any good or not. Like if I dig too far, or just a foot off of where I need to, I抣l find shit instead of treasure.
This is just the beginning of where I start to unravel.
It抯 officially the day of the football game, the first scheduled 揺vent?where all three of us?Kara, Shauna, and I?will be together prior to the pre-tour-tour. I抎 flown in last night, fully prepared for a night on the town, three funny females taking San Francisco by storm?and ended up in the hotel alone and asleep before seven PM. Shauna was with Tyson, and Kara was at home. Meyer flew in this morning, not wanting to be gone from Hazel any more than necessary before the extended trip.
When he emerges from his Uber at the curb, his breath curls in the chilly air, stern face held tight. An angry dragon forced from his lair.
揥as your driver rude or something??I call out, and the change in his expression when he finds me has my ears pulling back, has me swallowing a stupid chuckle.
In just a few of his long strides he抯 there, less than a foot from me. 揑t was the opposite, actually,?he says. 揝he talked the entire time. We took a selfie for her niece, Willow, who抯 an undergrad at Cal Berkeley, with a roommate named Kale. She told me she asked Kale if he liked spinach and I had to pretend to laugh at that, Fee.?His chin dips meaningfully and I snort. 揝he kept trying to maintain eye contact through the mirror while she spoke instead of focusing on the road. Her brother, Raul梂illow抯 Dad, in case you were wondering梚s getting married for the fourth time next Summer and Marcia, my driver, has a lot of feelings about it.?
I snort. 揙h my god. It was your actual nightmare,?I smile so hard my vision is obscured.
揘ightmare,?he smiles back, searching my eyes. 揜iveting stuff, really. I felt like I was being poisoned. The only thing that could have made it worse would抳e been talking about the weather.?The grin grows.
揋od, you抮e such an asshole,?I give a little punch to his chest 揵ut I know you were polite still.?
揙f course. Took a lot out of me though. I抦 weak and famished.?He grabs my wrist and plants a chaste kiss on my knuckles before scooping me into his side.
We eat outside, the steam from our drinks and breath mingling in the December air. I抦 grateful for the sun warming my face and giving me an excuse to wear sunglasses again, so I can surreptitiously steal glances at him. The chill paints his cheeks with a rosy bloom above his beard, legs akimbo with one palm braced on a sturdy thigh. His own sunglasses fog occasionally when he brings his drink to his lips. This whole image is explicit, somehow. Feels even more so when he snatches the leg of my chair suddenly and pulls it梚ncluding me?over to him, to his side of the little bistro table. I drape an arm around his middle, palm falling to his chest in the abrupt movement?to catch myself, of course, not to feel the mound of a hard pec beneath my palm. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and kisses my temple before dipping down to my ear. 揚hotographers. Eleven o抍lock.?I let my eyes dart that direction, where I spot two leaning over a car.
We sit this way for awhile, eyes closed to the sun and limbs draped over one another like vines.
It isn抰 until later that I realize just how comfortable this has started to become梩he touching. There抯 still a jolt to my system, but it抯 one I relax into now. Like slipping into warm water after being submerged in cold, or vice versa. Just feels like a refreshing surge each time.
At the game, Shauna sits to my right and Meyer to my left, with Kara on the other side of him. He抯 brought me a spare jersey he had, a forty-niners one I抦 informed. The whole thing is surprisingly fun, easy to follow, easy to get into quickly. Before I know it I am screaming alongside everyone else. I find a few key phrases that seem to apply for multiple scenarios. 揅ome on!?being the most universal.
I抎 felt that standard feeling at first?that 搊n?feeling with Kara and Shauna. I抎 be lying if I said I don抰 feel the need to impress them, even if I do already have the gig.
It抯 actually pretty common to meet comedians and find that they抮e not all that funny in mundane life. It抯 like they hoard up that energy, any quips or banter to use onstage. Plenty of them are still masters at their craft, though, so I try not to pass judgment when I come across these individuals. After all, you wouldn抰 judge an author based on their text messages or Instagram posts, or expect an actor to slip into a new identity without a camera or an audience.
But Kara and Shauna are naturally hilarious, easy to get along with and irreverent. What many would consider oversharing is what disarms me with them the most.
Shauna tells us about hooking up with Tyson on their first date, while Kara jokes about thinking she was headed for a life of leisure with her husband梐 graduate of MIT梑ut instead she抯 managed to become the primary breadwinner by talking about bodily fluids ad nauseam. It抯 obvious that they抮e both deeply in love, though梐t least to me梑ased on the number of jokes they make at their own expense alone.
When they pick up on Meyer抯 blushing at certain comments, they dig in ruthlessly. It抯 a bit that they fall into, but they stick to it flawlessly when they see it working on him.
揑 honestly thought I抎 miss getting to be a hoe. But then Tyson had to go and give me multiple that first time we hooked up, and now my standards are awfully skewed. I抦 not willing to play the market after that, you know??Shauna says.
揚raise be. My only complaint is that now that I make all the money, I don抰 think he spanks me as hard as he used to, and he doesn抰 want to try anything with any kind of risk factor.?Kara replies with a mournful sigh, and Meyer chokes on a pretzel as I start howling. I smack his back as his eyes water and he continues to cough violently. 揌e definitely won抰 even attempt to choke me,?she pouts.
The public affection is easy in this setting, surprisingly. There抯 no stream of self-conscious babble in my mind anytime my hands land on him.
I think it抯 because expectations aren抰 overly high. Even if I was trying, it抯 not like I抎 be able to differentiate who might be taking pictures of us versus the game, since so many cameras and phones hover in every direction. I find myself easily patting a muscular thigh, leaning into a hard shoulder as I close my eyes in a laugh. We stand up to cheer for a touchdown and my hip bumps into the front of his after I jump up and down. He抯 continually placing easy kisses to my hairline, or wrapping me against his front with his forearm across my collarbone梛ust like that first date in front of the food truck. My palms hold it there every time. Sometimes his chin rests on top of my head and I imagine I抦 buoyant, that I抎 float away without the weight of him securing me.