From This Moment On

9



“NIKKI?”

She turned at Sadie’s voice rising above the boisterous laughter from the back room crowd, and saw her boss motioning that she needed her. Nikki had been idly chatting with Chip and another cowboy while she cleared off a table, so she grabbed the last two dirty glasses and headed to the far end of the bar where Sadie waited for her.

“I can’t figure out why it’s so slow tonight,” Sadie said, glancing around the room.

“It’s not that bad.”

“Huh. Most of the hands got paid two days ago. Can’t tell me they’ve already gone through their paychecks.”

Nikki leaned on the bar, studying Sadie. Her comment was odd enough, but to call Nikki over for that? Maybe the phone call she’d gotten a while ago had something to do with her strange mood. On the first ring Sadie started grumbling like she always did, swearing to disconnect service because it was a waste of money and she was tired of passing on messages from angry wives. But she hadn’t yelled for anyone to get home before they had to sleep in the barn.

Maybe she’d heard from her daughter. They didn’t speak often, but the one time Mariah had called while Nikki was working, Sadie had gotten depressed after hanging up. Part of her wanted to ask if Sadie needed to talk, but the gesture didn’t come naturally. Nikki hated people butting into her life so she tried to stay out of theirs.

And today probably wasn’t the time to change her ways.

Turned out everything had sucked, from getting up early to the reminder that Trace was exactly the kind of guy she’d feared. He was a player. Guys like him used to be exciting to her, a challenge she couldn’t resist. No more.

Okay, the thrill hadn’t disappeared, but she needed to work at tamping down her attraction. She’d been bitten twice already by hooking up with guys who had more charm than substance. That was enough. At least she’d had the sense to cancel her riding lesson. The consolation was so tiny she wanted to scream.

“Um, Sadie, did you want something?” she asked when it seemed as if nothing more would be said. “You know, when you called me over?”

“Oh, right.” Sadie waved an acknowledgment when a customer yelled they needed beer in the back. “Why don’t you go on home? No need to stick around when it’s this slow.”

“It’s really not that bad. Everyone’s drinking steady.” Nikki didn’t get it. What was going on? They’d been less busy quite a few nights and Sadie had never suggested she go home. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” Sadie reached over and squeezed her hand. “You’ve been a godsend. Don’t go thinking that way. I just don’t see the point in us both hanging around on a night when it’s a one-person job.”

“But I don’t mind. I—”

“I don’t wanna hear any more about it,” Sadie said, shaking her head and coming out from behind the bar.

“I can check the back first, see who needs beer.”

“Would you just go on?” Sadie could be impatient and irritable with customers, but she’d never used that annoyed tone with Nikki.

“I have five open tabs sitting beside the register. I can close them out before I leave if you—”

“We’re getting thirsty back here,” one of the pool players yelled loud enough to be heard at Abe’s Variety down the street.

Sadie craned her neck to see who it was, then hollered, “Keep your pants on, Leo.” She turned back to Nikki. “I’ve been doing this a long time, honey, I’ll figure it out. And don’t worry, I’ll make sure to set aside your tips.”

“I’m not worried about that.” Feeling like a kid who’d just been suspended from school, Nikki watched her amble toward the back. Except she hadn’t done anything bad. If there had been a complaint about her...

A sudden thought struck as Nikki crouched to grab her keys from the shelf under the cash register. Maybe Sadie needed the money. The tips weren’t great tonight, but working alone could amount to a nice chunk of change. If that was the case, Nikki was glad to leave the business to Sadie. She dug into her pocket for the tips she’d collected earlier. It was only twenty bucks or so, but it could help. She made sure Sadie wasn’t in view, then stuffed the bills into the older woman’s tip jar sitting on the rear counter.

On the way out, customers ragged on her about leaving, asking if she had a hot date. She sent wisecracks back at them, but she couldn’t deny feeling at loose ends. If it was about money, she would’ve worked for free, she didn’t care. The Watering Hole was as much home to her as the Lone Wolf.

She stopped on the sidewalk and sucked in a deep breath. Directly in front of her, Trace’s truck was parked at the curb. He was leaning back against the door with his arms folded and the brim of his hat pulled down low. As if he were waiting for someone. For her?

“Hey,” he said, pushing off the truck.

“What are you doing?” She hadn’t seen him inside. Unless he’d slipped in and out while she and Sadie were talking. “Were you in the Watering Hole?”

“Nope. Just got here. Come sit in the truck with me for a minute.”

“What is this?” She wished she could see his eyes better. “How did you know I’d be out here?”

“Come here and I’ll explain.”

“No.” She squeezed the set of keys until it dug into her palm, then pulled her arm back when he reached for her. “I’m staying right here until you tell me what’s going on.”

Main Street almost always quieted down after six-thirty. At nine, with the Food Mart and Abe’s Variety closed, the town was dead. Two trucks and a blue sedan were parked in front of the diner. Other than a pair of headlights coming toward them from the south, nothing moved on the street.

She wouldn’t even have noticed the headlights except Trace seemed weirdly interested. He stood silently watching the vehicle’s approach, his mouth a grim line as the car passed.

“Dammit, Trace, you’re scaring me.”

“I don’t mean to.” He caught her this time, tightening his grip on her wrist when she tried to shake him off. “Would you settle down?”

“No, I won’t. First Sadie sends me home like I’m a kid who’s disobeyed, then I come out here and—” She gasped at the feel of her breasts being crushed against his chest. His rough treatment stunned her.

“I’m sorry if I pulled too hard.” He put his free arm around her before he released her wrist. Apparently he wasn’t contrite enough to let her go.

“What is wrong with you?” With the light from the bar’s sign shining in his face, she could see his eyes now. They were dark and serious, and she knew something bad had happened. “Is it Matt?” Her heart nearly exploded from merely voicing the question. “Tell me he’s okay, Trace. You tell me right now.”

“Matt is fine.” His genuine look of surprise reassured her more than the words. “It’s Wallace.”

“He’s dead?”

Trace nodded. “He passed away about forty minutes ago.”

“Why did you scare me like that?” She punched his shoulder. “Damn you.” Pausing, she struggled to take a breath, and shivered in the warm summer air. It was finally over...the waiting and having to watch her brother care for the man who’d shown him nothing but contempt. She should feel relief. Still she felt nothing. “I thought it was Matt. God.”

“Now will you get in my truck?”

“Why? I drove—” She stared at him as things started falling into place. “Is that why Sadie told me to go home? She knew about Wallace?”

“I called her after Rachel phoned me. She and Matt, we all thought it was best that I come get you before you heard the news from someone else. Doc Heaton gets summoned this late it means either he’ll be delivering a baby or certifying a death.”

“Was that him in the blue car?”

“Yep. Somehow his comings and goings seem to spread fast around here.”

Nikki sighed. She couldn’t be mad at everyone for caring, no matter how misguided. When Trace hooked a finger under her chin and gently tipped her head back, she said, “If you’re looking for tears there aren’t any.”

A faint smile curved his mouth. “I want you to be okay, that’s all.”

She twisted away from him, lifted her hands, palms up. “Look, I’m fine. Just like always.” She twirled all the way around. “See?”

“Yes, good.” He gestured to his truck. “We should go.”

Screw his patronizing tone. She sidestepped him and headed for her own truck. No, not hers, the pickup belonged to the Lone Wolf. She didn’t have anything of value. Never had, probably never would. The hell with the Gunderson trust fund. Matt considered half the ranch hers, she didn’t.

“Nikki...what are you doing?”

“Going home like a good girl. Isn’t that what everyone wants?”

She kept walking without glancing back, wanting to run. But that would only convince Trace she was upset and needed a babysitter. The stupid door was locked so she readied her key. Everyone in Blackfoot Falls left their vehicles open, windows half-down, everyone but her. She hadn’t broken the habit yet, and damn she wished she had because her hand shook too hard to get her key inserted. Of course she’d chosen the only truck at the Lone Wolf that didn’t have a remote.

Sneaking a peek to locate Trace, she saw him standing right where she’d left him. She didn’t have to see his watchful eyes to know they tracked her every move. On the third try she got the door open and climbed in, quickly checking the rearview mirror to see him slip behind the wheel of his own truck. She knew he’d follow her, but there was nothing she could do about it.

Cursing her unsteady hand, she missed the ignition twice before pushing the key home. After she’d pulled away from the curb she realized she hadn’t checked for oncoming traffic. So what? No traffic except for her and Trace. If she passed a single car in the next fifteen minutes to the Lone Wolf she’d be surprised.

Her hands were freezing, and she rolled down a window instead of using the heat. The warm air rushed in. She glanced at the speedometer, saw how fast she was driving and eased her foot off the accelerator. She hadn’t even left the town limits yet. All she needed was to get stopped and ticketed. Though she was pretty sure Roy was on duty, and the deputy would probably let her skate with only a warning.

Forcing herself to breathe in deeply shouldn’t have been hard. But she couldn’t seem to draw in enough air and panicked for a moment. Trace was the problem. He followed close behind and, God, she didn’t want him seeing her fall apart.

No, no, that wasn’t it. She didn’t even understand where the thought had come from. Even after what Matt had told her this morning, she hadn’t truly believed Wallace would die soon. She figured the bastard was too stubborn and mean...he’d hang on just to make everyone else miserable. Her worry wasn’t that she’d fall apart, but that she wasn’t prepared. Her emotional bank was empty, void, not even a hint of compassion had surfaced. How was she supposed to react appropriately?

She knew Rachel was with Matt, and Lucy had to be there, too. Maybe Petey was at the house. The wrangler knew the family well. And the doctor, of course, he’d still be there when she got home. Or maybe not...if she slowed down. What if she waited a couple of hours? She’d call so Matt wouldn’t worry....

No, she’d feel like shit if she ditched him. As if that wasn’t exactly what she’d been doing for weeks. He’d given her a chance to help even things out by asking her to see Wallace a final time. Oh, Matt had claimed he meant only to give her the facts this morning, but she’d understood the subtle suggestion that she step up and say goodbye, and she’d walked out anyway. She’d been too stubborn and defiant to give so much as an inch, and now... Oh, God, she didn’t know.

All she wanted was to stop thinking.

It was too quiet. Listening to music would help. She turned on the radio, knowing the signal sucked this far north. Her CDs were tucked in between the passenger seat and the console. She fumbled trying to find one, momentarily lost control of the wheel and weaved into the other lane.

She checked the rearview mirror, half expecting Trace to overtake her and force her to pull over. But he continued to stay at a sensible distance behind, and somehow the knowledge that he hadn’t overreacted calmed her. Deciding against risking her neck over a CD, she clutched the steering wheel with both hands and stared at the dark highway ahead. And the stars. Lots of them twinkled in the clear inky sky. So different from Houston with its pricey high-rise condos and gleaming skyscrapers blazing with lights. Not exactly a star-friendly place.

So Wallace was dead.

Okay, Nikki had known his end was coming, but she hadn’t seriously considered what life would look and feel like after he was gone. Matt planned on easing out of the rodeo circuit and running the Lone Wolf. He insisted half the ranch was hers, but she didn’t give a crap about inheritance. The place belonged to Matt, period. She had no interest, no investment in the Lone Wolf, emotional or otherwise. She was only here in Montana because...

Her breathing stalled again, and she forced herself to pay attention to what her body was telling her. She was in major stress mode.

With Wallace alive, she’d been coasting. Any decision regarding her future she’d easily shelved for later. Matt had been busy with his care, and she’d scrambled to make herself unavailable. A tiny part of her had hoped by the time Wallace was gone she’d have grown attached to the ranch and Blackfoot Falls. She liked her job and most of the people she’d met, but enough to make this her home? She couldn’t say. So where did that leave her? Aside from feeling utterly confused.

Startled, she saw the turnoff to the Lone Wolf up ahead. Of all the nights for the drive to seem short... She slowed to make the turn and, yep, Trace was still right behind her. Maybe it was best he’d be there with her. He’d be a distraction and Matt wouldn’t fuss over her so much in front of Trace.

She forced herself to concentrate on the narrow private road, looking out for deer that liked to come bounding out of nowhere and dash in front of the truck this time of night. Her hands were cold again, actually freezing and stiff, and she let go of the wheel to shake the circulation back into her fingers.

She hadn’t made it far when the lights became visible. Normally she wouldn’t see the Lone Wolf for another half a mile. But tonight, God, so many lights were ablaze they lit the sky. Had someone flipped every single switch on the property? How many people were there? And why? Had they come to see her father in his last hour?

The thought stopped her, the truth hitting her so hard it was impossible to breathe.

Wallace was...or had been...her father. It didn’t matter how much she hated him. Or that they’d never bonded, and she’d resented him as far back as she could remember. Her father, the man who’d given her life, had died tonight. And she had the horrible, horrible suspicion that she had wanted something from him after all.

Just once she’d wanted him to look at her, really see her as his daughter. Give her that special smile fathers reserved for their little girls. Let her believe that in his heart he was happy she existed.

God, how could she have been such a fool?

In spite of herself, in spite of all the nasty things of which she’d known he was capable, she’d secretly been hoping Wallace would tell her he regretted abandoning her and her mother. People changed. She had, so why not give him the benefit of the doubt? But she’d never gone to see him at the end, so how could he have told her?

In her heart she knew he hadn’t changed, and he hadn’t cared about anyone, not even Matt. To think she’d pitied her brother for yearning for Wallace’s approval. She was no better. And the really sad thing was, she’d prided herself in being too smart to buy into such emotional nonsense.

Her foot slammed on the brakes before she knew what she was doing. Not much room for her to pull over, but she managed to park halfway off the road in case anyone had to squeeze by. She cut the engine and jumped out, knowing Trace would’ve stopped, as well.

She couldn’t go inside. Or be anywhere near the house. Funny, how only minutes ago she’d worried people expected tears she couldn’t shed. Now she feared the flood gates wouldn’t hold.

“Hey, honey, you okay?” Trace had gotten out of his truck and was walking toward her. The night was black except for the pickup’s headlights, and she focused on his long legs closing the distance between them.

She flung herself at him, knowing he’d catch her, confident he wouldn’t let her fall no matter what.

His arms came up around her, and she burrowed against him, burying her face in his chest, hugging him around the waist, holding on as tight as she could.

“Nikki,” he whispered when she shuddered. “It’s okay, honey, I’ve got you.”

What was it about Trace that made her want to trust him? She couldn’t figure it out, and right now she didn’t care. “Take me someplace,” she said, finding comfort in the sure steady beat of his heart against her cheek. “Anywhere we can be alone.”

He stroked her back. “Matt’s expecting you.”

“It’s fine. I’ll call him.”

“I know it’ll be hard to—”

She cut him off by gripping the back of his neck and pulling him into a kiss. He resisted at first, and then she didn’t have to stretch so high because he lowered his head and kissed her back. His breath was warm, laced with mint and coffee. She parted her lips for him, offering only panic and desperation in return.

He touched his tongue to hers, teasing and tempting her to join the dance. She clung to his neck, tugging him closer, willing him to kiss her harder and deeper and help her forget what she had to do.

Instead, Trace gently peeled her hand from the back of his neck. “Nikki,” he whispered. “This isn’t the time.”

“Make love to me, Trace. Please. Take me away from here. Anywhere.” She heard his sharp intake of breath and pressed her advantage by moving his hand over her breast.

“Sex isn’t the answer.”

She yanked her blouse from her jeans, then started unfastening buttons. He caught her hand on the third one. “I know you want me,” she said, jerking his shirt hem loose. She slid her palm underneath the fabric, over his flat belly, up to his bare chest, knowing she was turning him on. “Deny it if you want, but I’ll know it’s a lie.”

“I’d never deny it.”

“So? Come on. You must know someplace private around here. Your truck has a backseat, let’s go park somewhere.”

“Ah, Nikki.” He moved his hand away from her breast to touch her face. She sucked his forefinger into her mouth and rubbed her body against his. What he said didn’t matter, he was hard, really hard. “I know you’re hurting,” he said huskily. “But do you really want to worry Matt? Or Rachel and Lucy?”

She almost bit him. She hadn’t asked anyone to care about her. Wrong thing to do. If anyone got too close they’d see how cowardly and selfish she really was, and what then? Would they still think she was worth their concern?

Pulling up his T-shirt, she pressed her mouth against his warm skin. He smelled strong and masculine, and she had no doubt he could make her forget a whole lot. With the tip of her tongue she tempted his resolve and sampled the slight saltiness of his skin. His breath came out harsh and raspy, and she knew he was on the verge of giving in to her.

“Come on, Trace,” she murmured against his chest. “Last chance.” She cupped his erection through the thick denim fly, pressing against his cock with her palm, using just enough pressure to make him moan.

He jerked. Stilled. Then pushed her hand aside. “Nikki, stop. I mean it.”

She froze, not sure what to do next. She could’ve sworn she had him. “Goddamn you, Trace,” she said, and shoved him back. “Damn you.”

“Wait.” He tried to capture her hand, but she dodged him and ran for her truck.

She was too angry, hurt and embarrassed to hear anything more. He probably assumed she’d make a beeline for the highway. Good. Let him waste time blocking the road. Exhaustion had dug in to every pore and was slowly leveling her. She wanted to crawl into bed, pull the quilt over her head and sleep for three days. Maybe she’d find that today had only been part of a bad dream.

Her name carried on the breeze, and she muffled his voice by starting the noisy engine. By the time she pulled into her normal parking spot near the house, she saw Trace’s headlights right behind her. Taking the flagstone walk, she counted four extra cars, two of them unfamiliar. Trace met her at the front door.

“You didn’t have to follow me,” she said. “I’m a big girl.”

He smiled. “I came to pay my respects to Matt.”

Nikki swallowed, briefly closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She put her hand on the doorknob and told herself she could do this. But she only believed it when Trace touched the small of her back.