“I promise, you’re gonna forget all about him,” he whispered breathlessly against my neck as he continued with his quick, thrashing movements. My phone went off in my coat pocket and I sobbed like a baby at the sound of AJ’s ringtone. He was waiting for me and I wished so hard that I could wake up from this nightmare and be sitting there beside him. My heart felt like it twisted inside my chest as I wretched and writhed beneath Antonio.
The phone continued to ring from somewhere beside the nightstand. A sudden burst of energy shot through me and I started moving wildly, trying to discourage Antonio and possibly get him off of me. He lifted his hand from my mouth, giving me hope that I’d be able to call out for help. I only managed a short scream before his fist careened into the side of my face, leaving me disoriented. He replaced his hand over my mouth and kept going.
My vision was blurred and I couldn’t see out of one eye because a warm stream of blood flowed into it. He thrust his body a few more times and then collapsed on top of me panting when it was over, his sweat was causing him to stick to me and I shivered with disgust. The smell of him made me want to throw up as did the scent of those vanilla candles; the thought of him leaving his remains inside of me filled my heart with rage. I looked for something close by that I could hit him with, but the nearest thing was the lamp a couple feet away. Still, I had to try. The insides of my thighs were raw and stinging from friction as I scooted up the bed slowly, hoping he wouldn’t notice. It was impossible for me to move under his weight, though, so I lay there crying soundlessly with his lifeless body resting on top of me. In his mind, this was what I needed.
It felt like a lifetime had passed before he finally moved away. He smiled at me as he stood to his feet and adjusted his pants. He was acting like nothing had happened while he stared at me on his bed. I turned over onto my side and pulled my knees to my chest, hugging them tightly as I stared in the direction of my phone - my only possible savior. When Antonio heard me sniffing back tears, he rubbed the side of my leg.
“I promise it won’t be so bad for you next time,” he stated. “You were just tense.”
I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I was somewhere else – anywhere else. He blew out the candles on the dresser and pulled the cover up over my body before lying beside me like what we’d done was consensual and this was the next natural action. His skin felt like it was coated in venom when he wrapped his arm around me while I shivered with pain. We lie there for several minutes and then I finally heard him begin to snore. I thought that would be the best time to reach for my phone and call anybody, but just as my hand twitched to go for it down on the floor, Antonio reached over me, found my cell through the darkness, and tossed it across the room. With my only option no longer an option anymore I closed my eyes and cried, letting his sheets absorb all the pain he’d caused me.
I wanted my mother so badly that I almost called out for her. My father’s protective embrace would’ve been so welcoming right then. I thought back to everything I’d done since getting to Charleston. I’d been so insistent on asserting myself as an adult, but…now all I wanted was to be a child again. The thought crossed my mind that maybe I wouldn’t make it out of this to see her again. I mean…what was Antonio going to do after this? Just let me go and trust that I wouldn’t tell? This could’ve quite possibly have been the end for me, unless some miracle took place. That’s when it happened, Antonio drifted off into a deep sleep and rolled over onto his other side, lifting his arm from around me.