“Stop it, Sam. What’re you doing?” I said aloud to myself, subconsciously choosing to spritz on the perfume I knew AJ loved. This wasn’t quite a date even if it did feel like it. We were just meeting up so we could talk. That was it. However, I can admit that I missed him like crazy.
First, I’d go to Antonio’s and tell him in person why I had to change our plans. He deserved at least that. After all, I wasn’t sure how I would’ve made it through this time without him. He probably wouldn’t like the idea of AJ and I speaking again, but I decided that if we were going to be friends, we’d have to start with being honest. I wouldn’t throw AJ in his face, but I wanted him to know that if this wasn’t important to me, I wouldn’t be canceling. That’d sound better coming from me face to face than it would via text or a phone call. When Antonio texted me an hour before to make sure I was coming, I simply replied that I was still coming by, but that we needed to talk about something. He seemed okay with that.
After grabbing my coat, I was on the road. The whole way over, I rehearsed what I’d say, imagining that Antonio would be irritated, but that he’d ultimately understand why I needed to do this. Believing that he genuinely had my best interest at heart is what gave me the confidence to walk up to his apartment. However, when I approached his door, the sound of soft music and the scent of vanilla heavy in the air caught me off guard. Hesitantly, I knocked and waited.
The door unlatched and Antonio greeted me with a smile. Stepping aside, he practically eye-banged me when I passed by him to walk in. My eyes wandered around his living room slowly as I took it all in. Candles? Music? Mood lighting? Maybe he misread my “we need to talk”.
“Hey,” he said casually, like I didn’t notice that our evening alone wasn’t just supposed to be us kicking it…as friends. Now I was uncomfortable. It wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought to let him down, not if he had his hopes so high. Reluctantly, I took a seat.
“So…what’s up with the music and stuff?” I asked, easing out of my jacket while Antonio went to turn the stereo down a few notches.
He shrugged. “Nothing’s up with the music,” he replied with a smile.
I took a breath and looked everywhere but at him. This was easier when I was just talking to myself in the car. Now that I had him sitting in front of me listening, my nerve faltered a little. It had to be said, though, before he got too comfortable with me being here. The sooner I let him know what I needed to say, the better.
“You look….amazing,” he said, letting his eyes roam up my legs to where the dress hugged my hips and everything else. Subconsciously, I tried to tuck my body inward.
“Listen, I need to talk to you about something,” I forced out, realizing that there wouldn’t be a ‘good’ time to do it.
Antonio’s eyes flickered with confusion. “O-kayyy…what’s on your mind?”
I had to take a breath first. “I can’t stay. I know we made plans to hang out, but…something else came up.”
Silence.
“I’m actually gonna have to be leaving in a few minutes,” I added.
“Was it the music and candles?” He asked. “I wasn’t expecting for anything to happen, I was just –“
I stopped him. “It’s nothing you did. Trust me. I just need to go take care of something.” It dawned on me that, while I wanted us to be honest, telling him that I was leaving for AJ was inconsiderate given the history that the three of us shared.
“I should go,” I announced, reaching for my coat that I’d draped over the arm of the couch beside me. When I stood, Antonio reached for my hand, gripping it lightly, but still holding me in place. When I looked down at him, his eyes were clearly fixed on my ring.
He chuffed a cynical laugh and released me. “Wow…I guess I should’ve seen this coming.”
Now I couldn’t avoid having this conversation with him like I intended to. “Antonio, I-“