I stared at the grown-up version of a girl I’d loved so many years ago, wondering how things ever got so messed up that I had to miss five whole years of her life. When she left, she was this sweet, teenage girl that I was crazy about – literally. Now, I was looking into the eyes of a strikingly beautiful woman. I wasn’t positive that I still had her all figured out like I once did, leaving me more intrigued by her than I should’ve ever allowed myself to be.
After clearing our table we retraced our steps back to my car and again, I had to shove my hands inside my pockets. Doing so prevented the inevitable reach to interlock my fingers with hers. It was as if we had a force of gravity all our own, one that only the two of us could feel, one that had us bound in ways I couldn’t explain even if I tried. It was unlike anything I’d ever felt in my life. Ever. When the feeling became so overwhelming that I had to take a deep breath, Sam looked my way. The corner of her mouth turned up into a smile and she quickly looked away.
“Okay, I’m just gonna say it. This is kind of surreal, right?” Her smile grew and became infectious.
“Yeah…I’d have to agree.” And it was.
“I mean…from you moving here, to your place overlooking the spot where I get my weekly smoothie fix, to….this! Us hanging out?” She smiled and shook her head, trying to digest it all. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice hanging with you. This just isn’t something I thought I’d ever be doing again.”
I knew exactly what she meant.
Both of our eyes glanced over at my car as we passed right by it, deciding to take advantage of the beautiful weather and see where the sidewalk carried us.
“Are you sure you don’t need to get back home? I know you have work in the morning,” Sam asked. I looked down at my watch; it was almost 12:30, but for some reason, I wasn’t even tired. Granted when 5:45 rolled around it might be a different story, but for now, I felt like I had all the energy in the world.
“I’m fine. Unless you need to go.”
A slow smile crossed her face and then she shook her head. “No, I’m usually up pretty late anyway.”
Good. I wasn’t ready to let the night end just yet.
We crossed the street when traffic cleared. Sam watched me watching in awe at how lively everything still was, showing no signs of slowing down.
“You get used to it. You might actually like it one day.”
I shook my head. “All the noise and crowds? Nah, I don’t think so.”
She shrugged. “I do. When I first moved here, I used to have trouble sleeping and it comforted me to know that the entire city was awake with me.” She smiled again, but there was an air of sadness in her tone that wasn’t lost on me.
“Whenever you’re ready to talk,” I reminded her, wondering if maybe she’d changed her mind.
Her expression became sullen and I glanced down at her every now and then when I wasn’t dodging pedestrians. Sam slowed her pace just a little and I matched her stride.
She stared off into the endless sea of lights and after a long sigh, she began to speak. “I guess the first thing I need to say is thank you. The way you tried to stick by me after everything – going after Antonio like you did.” She paused and shook her head. “Even before that, trying to talk some sense into me about the whole ‘Reina thing’.”
I let out a deep breath, struggling not to let frustration creep in at the mention of Reina’s name.
“We were kids, Sam. And if I’m being honest, that part was mostly on me. I was hiding so much back then, thinking I was doing the right thing by keeping you in the dark; I can see how it’d be hard for you to believe me after catching her in my room the way you did,” I assured her. However, I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that, if the tables were turned, I would’ve known Sam wasn’t capable of what she’d accused me of. It wouldn’t help the situation to say that now, though.
“And I’m sorry,” she continued. “…For how I left, for not telling you where I was going, and for not calling. I never should’ve done that to you. I never should’ve done that to us. I know I ruined everything,” she added in a whisper.