That was another issue that had Kira overly emotional. For her job to go from one that required her to be onsite daily, to being one that she’d be able to work remotely from a home office in New York, wasn’t as easy a transition as we imagined it would be. There were big projects that she’d have to see through first before she could even think about coming to New York with me. Three weeks from now, I’d be back home, though, working at the Fairfax facility for a day. Then after that I’d be leaving her behind again until she moved to the city permanently in six weeks.
It wasn’t lost on me that Sam and I would now be sharing a zip code for the first time in five years, but in my head I wasn’t imagining that things would be much different than they are between us right now. Granted, there was a moment over the past weekend when I questioned whether or not I still felt something for her, but coming back to DC with Kira, returning to the home that we shared, brought things back into perspective. I had a life now that didn’t include Sam. Living in the same city wouldn’t change that.
Kira straightened her expression and pulled away from my shoulder. When I took her hand, she waited for me to speak.
“Do you believe that I love you?” I asked.
Without hesitation, she nodded.
“Then will you trust that moving out there isn’t going to change anything?”
That answer didn’t come as swiftly. Had her faith in me taken that much of a nosedive?
“I trust you,” she finally spoke.
That night, Kira and I both lay in bed, side by side, silent, unable to find peace. There was already so much uncertainty surrounding our move to a new city, but there were also underlying issues that the two of us would have to face. Me? My past in general. Kira? A newfound insecurity now that my past was on display, front and center.
Standing face to face with her at the door the next morning, the expression that she wore was enough to make me want to call this whole move off. Her cheeks were warm in my hands as we shared the last kiss that we’d share for the next couple weeks.
A tear slipped down her face and she brushed it away.
“Say the word and I’ll come back.” There wasn’t an ounce of insincerity in my tone when I made her this promise.
She smiled, knowing that I’d do just that if this got to be too hard for her. She dipped her chin, tearing her eyes away from mine. “I know. I’ll be fine, though. Just make sure you call me whenever you can. You know…when you’re not too busy.”
I kissed her cheek again, feeling another tear against my lip when I did. I managed to pull myself away from her. After loading my last bag in the car, I started having second thoughts as I watched her standing there in the doorway looking lost.
I started the engine and stared at the forced smile on Kira’s face. “You’re making the right decision,” I assured myself as I pulled out of the driveway and headed toward the unknown.
*****
I turned the key to the third floor loft that I’d now be calling home. The exposed brick walls, the freshly waxed wood floors, and the stainless-steel appliances that I could see in the kitchen would have all been far more appealing under different circumstances. Already, I knew that this was going to take some getting used to.
I dropped my suitcases by the door and shut it. My steps echoed because there was nothing to absorb the sound – no rugs, no furniture, nothing. A heavy sigh escaped as I finished exploring. In person, the place was much bigger than I realized. Kira and I had to make a decision on where to live quickly because there was no time for a trip into the city to look at places on our own. I hoped that one day, she’d learn to love it here and it would eventually feel like home. On cue a horn blared outside and a symphony of emergency sirens passed by on the street below.