Taking a deep breath, I sat in the armchair beneath the window. “If I promise that it won’t go the way you’re thinking, will you tell me what’s on your mind?”
She looked skeptical, but eventually I saw some of the tension leave her posture. Her foot tapped anxiously on the floor, though. She sighed and looked up with sadness showing in her eyes. “The close proximity….it’s a bit much for me,” was all she said.
At first I didn’t understand, but then that same look of insecurity returned to her face – that look that she wore basically the entire time we were in Boston – and I put two and two together. Sam…
I should’ve guessed that would be an issue for Kira. Honestly, knowing that Sam would be so close was a bit much for even me to digest, so I could only imagine what was going through Kira’s mind.
“I’m listening,” I replied.
She shrugged. “That’s it really. I’m just…having a hard time imagining living that close to the one girl you’d be with if you and I weren’t together. I mean…I know the history you two have – the insta-chemistry, losing the baby, all of it.”
One of the downsides of Kira and I being friends for so long before we hooked up was that, in the beginning, I confided in her as a friend, not knowing that one day she’d be more to me than that. Now, she knew all the nitty-gritty details of my feelings and attraction to Sam. I even recalled a conversation that we had early on about me and Sam’s sex life – how often, how good it was, and what I missed about it. Just thinking about that now, I lowered my head in embarrassment. How could I expect Kira not to be uncomfortable?
“How will you handle it if she tries to start coming around again? Like, calling and stuff.”
I didn’t answer right away because I wasn’t expecting the question. “Well, I – I don’t really think she’d –“
“But if she did, what would be your response? Would you tell me about it?”
I frowned. “I’d put the situation to rest before she could even get any ideas,” was the response that I gave Kira, but in my mind, I had a hard time imagining that I’d be able to be that cold toward Sam even if I wanted to.
“Would you tell me?” Kira repeated.
Where the hell was all this coming from? “If you’d like me to tell you things like that, even if I handle it and it goes absolutely nowhere…I’ll tell you.”
I could practically smell the fear in the air. She was literally petrified, thinking that this move would undoubtedly lead to Sam and me hooking up again. When I placed my hand on hers, she looked away, tears streaming down her cheeks.
She’s never this emotional.
“Why’re you crying?” I asked softly, going to sit beside her.
She shook her head and wouldn’t answer right away. I pulled her to me and the tears became a full-blown sob. She practically fell apart in my arms.
“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you,” she whispered.
I frowned, but didn’t let her go. She was wearing my ring. How could she think she’d lose me? Clearly, I was in this for the long haul.
“What’re you talking about? I’m not going anywhere, Kira.”
She swiped a few more tears and backed away a bit, clearly feeling embarrassed by her breakdown. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think it’s just because there’s so much going on all at once. I’m overwhelmed with this move, the news from my job, everything!”