“Oh, no. I’m fine now. Are you ok?”
“Yeah. That fool sucker-punched me,” he insisted, not wanting to acknowledge that AJ had won the fight.
I tried to press the phone closer to my ear to prevent AJ from hearing Antonio’s comments. “Well, I’m good. So you can stop worrying about me.”
He hesitated for a moment. “That wasn’t the only reason I was calling actually.”
I paused, waiting for him to go on. “I couldn’t let you go without telling you that I still love you and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.” His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Not only did he not hate me, he still loved me? “I know that must sound pretty stupid considering everything that’s happened, but it’s the truth. I almost lost my mind yesterday when I saw him touching you.”
“Antonio. I don’t know what to say…..” I trailed off as AJ started to kiss my neck, making me lose my train of thought.
“I was hoping you’d say that a part of you still loves me too,” Antonio said hopefully.
Unfortunately for me, AJ was now close enough to my phone that he heard Antonio’s last words. In a voice loud enough for Antonio to hear, AJ interjected. “She’s busy right now. You’ll have to call back.”
Antonio didn’t make a sound on the other end. A second later we were disconnected. I wasn’t sure whether I should be angry with AJ or what. I wished that he’d let me handle it on my own. Now, I found myself in a familiar position. I was sure that Antonio’s feelings were hurt once again…..because of me. Just then, Daddy’s words came to mind. Careless. He was right about me. No matter how much I tried to avoid causing Antonio pain, it seemed to be inescapable.
AJ was still kissing my neck as I thought. My body wasn’t responding as it usually did under his spell. I tried to fight against the anger that was building up inside of me, but I wasn’t winning. I was capable of dealing with Antonio on my own without AJ’s help, but now he’d made things worse. I was fuming and he could feel the tension emanating from me.
“What’s wrong?” He asked in an unemotional tone as he sat back in his seat and stared up at the ceiling.
“Why’d you do that? What was the point?” I asked shrilly.
“Are you seriously mad? What? You think he doesn’t know we spend time together?”
“No, AJ, but I don’t want to shove it in his face either. Have you forgotten that he was the only one in this whole situation that was completely innocent? The least I can do is respect his feelings.”
AJ continued to stare at the ceiling. “Fine. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. You’re capable of handling him yourself, but do you intend to hide our relationship for the rest of the school year? Do you expect me to act like we’re not together? Break it down for me,” he demanded.
I could hear in his tone that he was becoming irritated. He had a point. It was unfair for me to expect for him to fall back because I didn’t want Antonio to be hurt. So, my choices were to either hurt Antonio or to hurt AJ. The problem was that I wasn’t willing to do either of those things. I sighed in frustration. “I guess I don’t know how this is supposed to go AJ.”
“I hate that you feel guilty for being with me. It’s supposed to be easier than this.”
“I don’t feel guilty for being with you. I feel guilty for hurting Antonio in the process,” I corrected.
“Sam, be honest with yourself. I know that you love me almost as much as I love you, but yet you’re still reluctant to make anything official. Why is that?” He asked in an intense voice that reminded me of my father.
“Well…..I just …..I think.”
“My point exactly. You feel like you shouldn’t be happy because you hurt him. Even though you love me you think that it can’t be right because of the way it happened.” He paused briefly. “However love happens it’s no mistake. You don’t just fall in love. You jump in. Head first. No looking back.”