“Well, yeah I do see more of her than I’d like to under the circumstances, but it isn’t uncomfortable to me. I can’t answer that question for her. But like I said, it’s over, so it doesn’t matter what she thinks. As far as the dance, it was just that…..a dance. Don’t waste your time thinking about it.”
“Now that I know you two…you know, I’m seeing it as more than that. She was trying to show you what you’re missing out on – jog your memory a little.”
He laughed aloud. “Just learned something new about you. You’re mildly neurotic. That’ll take some getting used to.”
“AJ you can laugh if you want to, but watch and see. This girl isn’t going to give up easily.”
He pulled me back down to him and hugged me tightly. “Leila can do what she wants to, but she isn’t gonna change anything. Stop worrying about it.”
“How long were you two together anyway?”
“Mmmmm……like four or five months. Why?” He asked.
“Just wondering.” I had to dislodge my next question from my throat to even ask it. “Did you…..love her?”
There was a long silence that made me nervous. What was there to think about? Either he loved her or he didn’t. “Love’s the wrong word. There was an attachment, but definitely not love,” he explained. “I was there for her when she lost her mom and it turned into something more over time. She became fixated on what we did physically and didn’t have it in her at the time to invest anything emotionally. I couldn’t operate like that. I tried to back away a bit and maintain a friendship, but it wasn’t enough for her. So, despite how bad I felt about leaving her alone during such a hard time in her life, she left me no choice. For a while she hated me, but eventually we talked it out and she understood my side of it. So, we never really got back to being friends, but we at least got to a point where we could speak and be civilized toward one another…...most of the time anyway.”
I couldn’t help but to feel a little sorry for her after hearing him explain it. She had to face losing her mother and then had to deal with losing the one person that kept her attached to her sanity. I also saw a new side to AJ. There aren’t many guys that could walk away from a beautiful girl who was practically throwing herself at him. He was different. He somehow saw past his own physical desire, acknowledged that something was missing, and found the strength to walk away.
I couldn’t help but to stare at him. His restraint and self-control had me in awe. As I continued to marvel, the alarm sounded. I was getting ready to reach out and turn it off, but AJ moved more quickly that I did. As much as I wanted him to stay longer, that wasn’t going to happen. It was already 12:00 and my dad could show up at any minute. I lifted myself off the bed and waited for him to get to his feet before I turned to walk downstairs. We lingered there by the door, neither of us ready to part so soon.
“I’m glad you came,” I said quietly.
“I’d never pass on a chance to see you.” He laughed and then added, “Not even if there’s a strong possibility that your dad could come home and kill us both.”
I smiled and kissed him softly before he turned and walked out the door. Long after he’d pulled off, I stood there leaning against the door thinking about him. Eventually, the sound of the garage door opening jolted me back to reality. That was a close call, maybe even a bit sloppy. I sighed and ran up the stairs before my father could get in the house and wonder why I was out of bed.