*****
The final week of school seemed to fly by and Friday morning I awoke feeling a little strange. The idea of not having to return to Allister Academy was a hard concept to grasp. There was a strange empty feeling in the pit of my stomach as I realized that this was really it – my final day of high school. I was no longer looking forward to leaving for Charleston since AJ and I would soon be separated by almost a thousand miles. Even knowing that Deanna would be there to keep me company wasn’t much comfort. I dressed slowly and made my way down the stairs for breakfast. Mom sat across from me quietly and watched me pick over my food.
“You feeling alright?” She asked.
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
She watched me another minute, but dropped it and went upstairs to dress for work. I threw the plate away as soon as she was out of view. There wasn’t any point in taking my backpack today, so I went straight out to the car. When I pulled up in the parking lot, there was an empty spot next to AJ’s car. He was still sitting inside it with the door open and the radio on listening to one of my favorite songs. I climbed into the passenger seat beside him.
“This is it,” he said and then reached for my hand, but didn’t turn to look in my direction.
“I know. It doesn’t seem real,” I said nervously, already dreading what I’d really come over her to talk to him about. He was still completely unaware of the decision I’d made. Every time he’d tried to mess around at school as we had that day in the auditorium I came up with an excuse to hold him off, but it was time that I was real with him. It seemed like a good idea to deal with it before tomorrow night. My breathing increased as I tried to muster up the courage to say the words.
“There’s something that I want to talk to you about, and I’m not sure how you’ll take it.” He turned to look at me and I could see that he was a little nervous about my question, but I’m not sure what he was expecting me to say. I took all the air into my lungs that they could hold and said the words as I exhaled. “I don’t think we should have sex anymore, AJ.” I was afraid to look at him. Beads of sweat were forming on my forehead as I waited for him to respond.
“Can I ask why?” He asked more calmly that I’d expected.
“Well……I just want to wait.” I paused. “I’d prefer to think of this as more of an intermission though,” I joked nervously.
He didn’t laugh. “Is this something you’re thinking about……or is your mind made up already?”
He was beginning to sound a little irritated which in turn made me irritated. “I’ve already decided,” I replied quietly, waiting for him to explode, but he was silent again. I noticed that his nostrils flared a little and his eyes narrowed. Was he really getting upset about this? I immediately jumped to the conclusion that if sex wasn’t going to be a part of our relationship, he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I lifted my hand slowly to the door handle and pulled it in an attempt to free myself from the car, which started to feel like it were constricting around me. The sound caught AJ’s attention.
“Where’re you going?” He asked harshly.
Tears were welling up in my eyes, so I turned to look out the window to hide my face from him. “I have to get to class.”