Jacob studies me, looking deep into my eyes for a sign that I’m lying to him. “Daddy says you might have to spend the night sometimes if mommy needs you to. I told him you can sleep in my room. You have to sleep on top because daddy says I’m too little for the top bed. Do you like rocket ships?”
“Jacob, Miss Melanie will not be spending the night.” We both startle at the angry voice echoing off the high ceilings. “Didn’t I ask you to clean up this mess before the nurse got here?” Jacob slides off my lap without a word and begins picking up his toys, leaving me alone on the couch.
I close my eyes, my hand floating to rest at the base of my neck. Time may have healed the wounds, but I’m not sure I will ever get used to hearing Xavier’s voice. A tear threatens to fall as I remember the last time I was in this room.
Xavier leans forward, gently kissing my forehead. We stay connected this way, his hands resting on my shoulders. “Without trust, we have nothing,” he whispers, sliding his hands around to the back of my neck.
My body quakes as I’m overcome with sobs. I don’t want to believe that my one decision is leading him to such a drastic measure. The moment he releases the clasp of my necklace, I feel as emotionally bare as I am physically.
“What are you doing here, Melanie?” Xavier asks, scowling down at me from behind the couch. It’s a straight-forward question, and yet I can’t seem to find the words. Instead, I stare at Xavier, wishing I had asked for another companion to be assigned to Alyssa’s case.
“Melanie,” he snaps, this time his voice low and forceful. “I asked you a question.”
I lower my gaze reflexively. After so much time apart, you would think my body would have forgotten that admonishing tone. It’s another reminder that my wounds are deeper than the flesh or even the heart, and the ones that remain might never fully heal. “I’m sorry, Xavier. I thought about asking to be reassigned to a different case, but I would have had to explain my reasons. If you would prefer I not be here, you’re more than welcome to call the office and request someone else be sent to help.”
“Take a breath,” he says softly. He moves around the furniture, settling onto the other end of the couch. The fact that he’s released his anger is disarming. The man I remember was many things, but rarely could he have been described as nurturing. When his hand reaches for my knee, he jerks it away as if he suddenly realized that he shouldn’t touch me. “I’m sorry, I just… To say I wasn’t expecting to see you would be an understatement. Are you competent at what you do?”
I nod, working hard to swallow the lump in my throat. I’m not only competent, I’m one of the best nurses with the agency. Xavier is well aware of my academic achievements and credentials. Realizing this, I am under the impression it’s not my medical aptitude he questions. It’s my emotional stability.
I still haven’t worked up the courage to look into his blue eyes, scared of what I will see. Instead, I trace the subtle lines in the light upholstery, remembering how quickly I fell in love with the buttery soft leather the day Xavier handed me a key to our home. Looking around, I’m alarmed by how much hasn’t changed in the time since I left and wonder how many times I will be hit with memories of the life that used to be mine.
This time, Xavier doesn’t falter when he reaches for my hand, stilling it against the fabric. I swallow hard, refusing to look down at our joined hands, not allowing myself to enjoy the comfort his touch can still bring me. He’s not here for me. He has moved on and is now questioning my ability to do my job.
“Will you be able to put aside any personal misgivings and focus all of your attention on my wife?” Hearing him come right out and question my ability to compartmentalize our past upsets me more than anything. I’m sure there will be nights I have to drown my sorrows in more than a single bottle of merlot, but I have never and will never allow my personal feelings to interfere with the care a patient receives. Even when that patient has the life that could have been mine.
“Xavier,” I begin, taking three deep breaths to keep from sticking my foot in my mouth so soon after arriving. Like it or not, I didn’t so much as try to get out of this assignment, so now I have to treat the Ross family like every other family I’ve met. “Alyssa is my only concern. I am here to do whatever I can to make her comfortable until…” I stop myself, remembering that there is a child in the room with us.