His links his hands behind his head and paces back and forth while I stand wallowing in my own guilt. I want to cry so badly that it hurts, and I let my head fall backward and blink rapidly, hoping to stop the tears.
“I asked you outside the hospital that day. I fucking asked you, and you promised I could trust you! Have you forgotten that promise?”
“You can trust me! I’m telling you now. All I did was agree to give your mom a heads up on how you are, and if you’d remembered anything. I’m telling you this now because I felt uncomfortable with it.”
“No, you’re telling me this now because I called you out and asked!”
“Ethan, I swear that’s not the case. You can check my phone if you don’t believe me. I told your mom that I was going to tell you, and she’s been blowing up my messages ever since. You just asked before I had a chance to explain things to you.”
I knew this was going to happen; I’m an idiot for agreeing to Moira’s requests in the first place.
“I’m going to ask this one time Blair, so please don’t lie to me. What is it that my mom is worried I’m going to find out about?”
This is it, the moment I’ve been dreading since Ethan woke up in that hospital bed and didn’t know who I was. How am I supposed to tell him that Moira isn’t his mom?
“Okay, Ethan, the doctors and your mom really won’t be happy if I tell you this. They warned me about causing you too much stress.”
“Too much stress? IS THAT A JOKE!” he screams in my face, and I step back stunned. My breath stutters, and I’m trembling. I know he’d never hurt me, but I’d be lying if I said that he didn’t just scare the crap out of me. He looks instantly sorry, no doubt because of my reaction.
He throws himself down onto the sofa looking utterly defeated. His head falls into his hands, and I can tell he’s trying to control his breathing. I watch silently from where I’m standing by the fireplace. I have a million emotions running through me, and I don’t know what to do. I want to comfort him, but at the same time I’m pissed at his explosive actions. He has every right to be frustrated, but the way he yelled at me is not okay. I slowly make my way across the room and take a seat next to him. He turns his head but stays in the same position and the hurt in his eyes engulfs me.
“I’m sorry,” he mouths. I’m not even sure if he makes any sound, the blood rushing through my ears is the only noise I can focus on.
“Please don’t make me tell you this. If you wait, it’s probably going to come back to you, baby.” It was a request, but my voice shakes, and it comes out as more of a plea.
He shakes his head and rubs his hands down his face before sitting up and facing me straight on. “Please, Princess.”
I’d justified my actions by telling myself that I wasn’t actually doing anything wrong, and if Ethan asked me directly about his mom, I would tell him. The justification was an easy pill to swallow, because I didn’t whole-heartedly think I’d have to do it. As naive as it seems now, I thought he’d remember this on his own and I’d be off the hook, or at the very least, Moira would do it. Maybe if I prompt him, his memory will kick in and do my dirty work for me.
“Do you remember anything about us before the accident?”
“Yeah, small things. Nothing makes a whole lot of sense though,” he replies.
“Okay, so do you remember meeting me at the cinema, and we took a drive down to the beach because you wanted to talk to me?”
The concentration on his face is admirable; I can tell he’s racking his brain trying to summon the memory. Sadly, I can also tell when he comes up short. I sigh and reluctantly carry on.
“You came to meet me that day because your mom had just given you some pretty big news, Ethan. We sat at the beach for hours and talked through it.”
“Blair, just tell me.”
“God, I wish I wasn’t the one doing this to you. Okay, the reason you came to meet me and talk that day…was because your mom had told you that she wasn’t…” I wipe my palms across my jeans and look away. I don’t want to see the effects of the words I’m about to utter. “She told you she wasn’t your mom.”
Silence.
I’ve always enjoyed it until now. The tension in the room is unbearable as I wait for him to respond, but he doesn’t. We sit quietly for minutes that feel like hours. I can’t take it. I think I’d prefer it if he were shouting at me.
“I think you should leave.”
My head snaps up from the floor and I look at him. His face is completely devoid of any emotion, and it's scary as hell.
“What?”
“You heard me, Blair. I need to be alone. I’ll call you later,” he says walking over to the family room door and holding it open.
My heart sinks and my stomach rolls as I stand.
“Ethan, I—”
“Don’t. Okay, just don’t. I’ll call you later.”
I feel the heat of my tears ready to erupt as I brush past him and make my way to the front porch. The door is closed behind me before I have another chance to change his mind.