“I’m starting over. I’m going from scratch, and starting a new life… and it doesn’t include you. I hope you’re able to find some happiness of your own, Rafi. I have.”
I didn’t wait for a response from him before I continued up to my door, unlocked it, and went inside. He only sat in my driveway for a few minutes before he pulled away, and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. No. Not relief. Contentment. I was glad to be at home.
I realized, quite suddenly, that while I was still very much wrapped up in Avery, who I’d never ever formally had a relationship with, the most feeling I could manage for the man I’d been married to was anger that he’d been holding me from getting inside so I could take off my bra.
— 11 —
— Avery —
Two weeks after I kissed Tori in the nursery, I got off a plane, and went to Coral with the intention of meeting Maya for lunch. It was time for us to have that talk, and not that deep down, I was hoping it would mean the end of… whatever we were doing, at this point. Honestly, I couldn’t say why I was still trying with Maya. Yeah, it started great, but something — I have no idea what — shifted for her, and suddenly everything I did was either wrong, or not good enough. Like that night at her house, she would throw out some ridiculous assessment of what I was doing, then when she got a reaction, back off, and be ready to make up. Maybe that was how she rolled, and she was used to men sticking around in spite of that, but I wasn’t one of those guys. After a month of dealing with her hot and cold, I realized I was passively waiting on the relationship to come to its inevitable end, and wasn’t doing either of us any favors.
When I agreed to do this whole matchmaking thing, it was with the goal in mind of finding someone I could settle down with, possibly forever. I wanted it to work with somebody, and that’s why I hadn’t pulled the trigger. The thought of going back to what I was doing before, bouncing from woman to woman, never keeping the same one longer than a few weeks… it didn’t appeal to me. So even after seeing and touching Tori, and coming to the conclusion I wasn’t nearly as over her as I thought, I still held on to the remnants of my relationship with Maya. I couldn’t let it fail, because where would I be then? Back at square one.
I knew— unequivocally— that I wanted to be with Tori. However, she was happy where she was, and still working on unpacking her baggage. Besides, how many times did she need to tell me she was off-limits for a relationship before I believed it? I didn’t want to end a relationship with someone who wanted the same thing in pursuit of someone who insisted that for her, it wasn’t possible. Nevertheless,… I didn’t know if I could see myself with Maya for the next damned week, let alone forever. Not with the relationship in flux. We were going to decide on a certain set of expectations, stick to those, and move forward… or not.