“I’m listening.”
I pulled my feet out his lap, tucking them under me as I sat up and faced him. “Earlier… when you said you didn’t know if you could handle getting hurt again by someone you loved… I admire that. Everybody acts as if heartbroken people are supposed to just get up and keep trying, no matter what. Nobody wants to admit that sometimes you just don’t recover from it.”
“You’re suggesting some broken hearts don’t heal?”
Nodding, I rested my head against the back cushions of the couch, but kept my body turned in his direction. “I think some of us are only getting by. And it’s not necessarily one single breakup that does it, but the build up, over time. All of the mistakes, regrets, the lies, and harsh words… the betrayals… all of that shit adds up, until it’s like… why?”
“That’s your ‘truth’?” he asked, staring at me in a way that made me feel entirely too exposed, so I dropped my gaze first.
“Yeah, it is.”
He brushed away the hair that had fallen into my eyes. “You wanna hear mine?”
I nodded again, but didn’t move away from his touch as buried his hand in the curls at the nape of my neck.
“You asked me earlier, what made me change my mind about wanting to settle down.”
I looked up. “Yeah… you said you wanted to prove you actually could have a wife, kids, all of that.”
“Okay… I see you were listening,” he said, smiling. “But… that’s not completely true. Well, it is true, it’s just not the whole truth.”
“So what’s the whole truth then?”
He sighed, dropping his eyes to the couch. “I was lonely. I mean… physically, I was with someone, but if you don’t feel anything for them, are they really there? What’s the point, you know? Shit was getting old. No, it was old. Then….I met you, at Des’ wedding. I’m not going to attempt to front about the fact that initially, I wanted to sleep with you. Then I talked to you, and got to know you, and … I felt something. I still feel it.”
His fingers were grazing my scalp, causing a pleasant tingle, and I swallowed, hard as he continued. “You’re sending me on these dates with all of these women who are gorgeous, and successful, and supposedly everything I need, but I don’t feel anything for them, not like with you. It’s the same emptiness from before, and honestly… it’s draining. I wanna feel something again… you know?”
I gave him a slight nod. I knew exactly what he meant, because the same unanswered need was coursing through me as well. In that moment, none of the reasons I had not to be with Avery made a lot of sense. What I wanted sounded exactly like what Avery wanted.
“I know I probably sound like the corniest man on the planet right now, but—”
Laying a finger against his lips, I shook my head. “Avery… stop talking.”
— Avery —
Shit.
Desperate, I searched my mind for a way to smooth this over. Maybe I could laugh it off, pretend I was joking. Nah… Tori was smarter than that. The wine? Yeah, the wine! Maybe I could blame it on the alc—
“Just tonight, just between us… but… I’m willing.” She swallowed heavily, as if those words had been incredibly hard for her to say, so I hesitated. The last thing I wanted to do was prove Des right by hurting Tori. “Willing… or enthusiastic? If we do this, it needs to be because we both want to, not becau—”
“Avery… less talking, more sex.”