I exhale the breath I was holding and pull her into a deep hug. Placing a quick kiss on her head, and inhaling the smell of her hair, my heart slows its frantic pace.
Not wanting to let her out of my sight, I walk her to the passenger side of the truck and usher her in. Then I snag her backpack from her car, shut and lock her doors.
The ride to my house is silent. I notice Raven still looks confused, and I grab her hand to rest on my thigh. Her expression softens as I gently run my thumb along the smooth skin of her wrist.
Once home, I open her door and help her out. I swing my arm over her shoulder and she leans into my touch. From my garage, we walk up to the house side by side. I tell myself to give her some space, but I’m not ready to let go of the comfort her body gives mine.
Settling on the living room couch, I bring her a glass of water and sit next to her. She’s turned toward me with her legs bent, knees to chest, arms wrapped around her shins.
I run a hand through my hair. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I was afraid if I told you the truth you’d worry or try to talk me out of it. After seeing you yesterday and last night,” my jaw involuntarily tightens at the memory of her hurting, “I had to do something. I had to try.”
She nods, but remains silent.
I tell Raven about the meeting, careful to expose every detail. When I finish, she stares past me, as if she’s seeking counsel with some unseen force just over my shoulder. I allow the silence and give her time to process all the information.
“So, you’re going to lose your fight? On purpose?”
“Yes.”
“But . . . you’ve been waiting so long for this fight. How can you give it up so easily?”
“Simple. I’ve been waiting longer for you.”
The best thing that ever happened to me shows up in coveralls and a pair of Chucks when I least expect it. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her.
I lean forward and un-wrap her arms from her knees. Holding her hands, I press them to my chest. “You feel that? Every beat pounding away? You do that to me.” I want to groan. I’m so frustrated. How can I get her to understand how much she means to me? I squeeze her hands. “You’re part of me now. I’d do anything for you. I’ll fight for your life as I’d fight for my own.”
Wonder colors her face. She throws her body into mine and tucks in tight on my lap. I wrap her up in my arms and hold on. I almost lost her.
“I’m so sorry, Jonah. Please forgive me. I had no idea. I thought you had lied about the meeting and that you were leaving me. I heard you and Owen talking about you breaking up with me, and I thought it was because—”
“Hold on.” I lean away to look in her eyes. “I never told Owen I was breaking up with you. Where did you hear that?”
“You guys were talking when I woke up.” Her gaze swings toward the kitchen then back to mine. “I heard you.”
I think back to the conversation and start to laugh. Raven wrinkles her nose, which makes me laugh harder.
“Why are you laughing?”
“Baby, we weren’t talking about me breaking up with you. We were talking about my plan to meet Dominick. I knew I was going to have to lie to you about it. Owen wasn’t happy about that, thought you’d already been through enough. And he was worried about me coming face to face with him.”
The corners of her mouth lift slightly before she burrows back into my chest. “I swear you find the strangest things funny.”
“Oh, that’s rich coming from you.”
“Blake is funny,” she says like a petulant child.
I hold Raven, her body relaxed and nestled into mine. I think of how she was neglected as a child. I smooth her hair and kiss her head, wishing I could be enough to fill that void in her soul.
I can’t change her past. But I’ll damn well keep her safe in the future. After she hung up on me tonight, not knowing where she was, I was driving all over town worried she’d been in an accident, or worse. That shit ain’t happening again.
“Baby?”
“Yeah?”
“That stunt you pulled on the phone with me tonight?”
Her body curls deeper into my lap. “Um, which part?”
“You should know tonight won’t be the last time I fuck up. I’m new to relationship stuff, so you can plan on getting pissed at me a lot. But from now on, when you’re pissed, you do it where I can see you.”
She pushes herself up, her hand on my chest. “See you?”
“You can put up walls and not talk to me, call me every name in the book, throw shit at me, I don’t care. But you’ll do it with me and end every night in my bed.”
“But, but—”
“No buts.” I wrap my hand around the back of her neck and give her a squeeze. “I’ve been in fights with guys twice my size, been locked in holds so tight I didn’t know if I’d survive, but I’ve never been as scared as I was tonight.”
“Jonah—”
“Driving around town, looking for your car, knowing that Dominick has his sights on you . . .” I slide my hand up and grab a handful of her silky hair. “I can’t lose you.”