“You’re leaving,” she said eventually.
Ryan nodded.
“I can’t … I don’t know what to say,” Fin managed, inhaling deeply as numbness wrapped her in its cold blanket. She could almost feel the life fading right out of her. “Maybe there isn’t anything to say. You should probably just go.”
“Fin, I …” His voice cracked but she let it wash right over her. He looked away, pressing his lips together as though he was fighting against what he wanted to say. “I don’t want you to go,” he whispered, closing his eyes.
Fin stepped back, creating distance. “It’s too late. I’ve already emailed the acceptance. It was lodged immediately.”
Fin didn’t know why she lied but fuck it. After everything it had taken for them to finally be together, he was leaving her. She didn’t need him knowing how much it hurt.
His eyes flew open and she could see both relief and anguish swirling in their depths. “Good.”
“You have your things?” she asked, her voice sounding cold to her own ears.
“I do. I left the keys on the kitchen bench … When are you leaving for Sydney?”
“Soon,” she told him. She was really going to do this. Leave everything and everyone behind. Maybe Sydney might be a fresh start, a new life, uncomplicated and easy.
“Give me your hand.” She stiffened, knowing touching him wasn’t going to make this easier, yet she offered her hand anyway. His fingers closed over it, turning it palm up. She watched his finger trace gently along the lines. “You have a long, beautiful life ahead of you, Fin.” Tears swam in his eyes as he looked at her. “Go and make Jake proud.”
Ryan gave her hand a squeeze, his eyes memorising her face before letting it go, leaving her cold and empty. Lifting his chin, he gave her a quick nod and turned, moving around the back of the car to the driver’s side. He opened the door and slid inside, shutting the door behind him.
“Ryan!” She took a step towards the car, and he rolled down the window but she couldn’t see him through her tears. “Be safe,” she whispered brokenly.
Ryan nodded, wiping at a tear that spilled over and rolled down his cheek. “You too, baby.”
Feeling herself die a little inside, Fin turned and walked towards the house. Without looking back, she unlocked the front door, stepped inside, and closed it shut behind her.
“You’re pregnant.”
Fin flinched, her body jerking visibly in the small chair where she sat opposite Doctor Jensen. After her initial appointment on Thursday and another week’s wait for blood test results, she finally had her answer. She’d been thinking an iron deficiency or some lingering virus, but this …
“Can you …” Fin shook her head. Maybe she heard wrong. “Did you just say what I think you said?”
Her doctor nodded, her glossy, dark ponytail swishing with the movement as her lips curved softly. “It’s a positive, Finlay. You’re having a baby.”
Fin stood abruptly, her chair scraping noisily on the thick, gleaming floorboards. “I can’t … you …” Her hand, cold and shaky, moved to rest on her forehead. “Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure.” Doctor Jensen half-stood from her chair, her brows drawing together. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know.” Fin’s eyes collided wildly with her doctor’s. “Am I? You’re the doctor here!”
Doctor Jensen reached her side and gently gripped her elbow, guiding her back to the chair. Unsteady on her feet, Fin sank back down into the slightly uncomfortable cushioned seat. Her doctor shuffled backwards until she rested up against the edge of her desk. “Finlay, look at me.”
Fin looked up, meeting her doctor’s concerned brown eyes.
“Are you doing this on your own?”
“What?” she whipped out more sharply than she intended. “You think … I didn’t do this on my own!”
“Finlay.” Her doctor’s voice was calm, as though soothing a wild animal. “When you came in over a week ago, you gave the impression that you and Ryan were no longer together. That’s what I meant.”
“We aren’t,” she said, “so I guess that’s a yes. I am doing this on my own.” Fin’s eyes shifted to the window. The slats in the blinds were half-open letting the midday sunshine wash through. Birds chirped noisily in the tree just outside, oblivious to her turmoil. She turned back to face her doctor, unable to process the shock. “How far?”
“You’re three and a half months along. You haven’t noticed your expanding waistline?”
She looked down, focusing on the slight curve of her belly. “There’s a baby in there? I didn’t …” Fin didn’t know what she’d noticed except maybe some bloating. She couldn’t even recall what happened yesterday, let alone a week ago. Panic curdled her stomach as her eyes returned to her doctor’s. “Wait! Over three months? I can’t … you … But I’ve been on the pill since Ryan and I started seeing each other.”
Doctor Jensen shrugged. “These things happen. The pill isn’t entirely effective. Did you have unprotected sex at any time?”