Ryan put his seatbelt on, her first attempt at an apple pie wobbling on his lap as he clicked it into place. Finished, he looked at her. “Remember when you first learned how to drive?”
Laughter bubbled out of her at the memory. Fin’s dad had sat in the passenger seat. His voice had taken on that scarily patient tone—the one where you just knew he was holding it together by the skin of his teeth. She would’ve preferred the shouting because the alternative made her more nervous. What made it worse was that Jake and Ryan were sitting in the back seat, Jake having insisted on getting front row tickets to her misery. Ryan had sat there, his lips suppressing a smile. Jake wasn’t so polite—he was already laughing before she even backed the car out of the driveway. How was she to know that the balance of the clutch and the acceleration pedal was an exact science? Dad and Jake, and even Ryan for that matter, made it look so effortless.
After Fin stalled her way across town, she made sure to do a lap around the car park at the beach where Jake and Ryan’s friends hung out. It had been a beautiful day—there were no clouds lining the sky and the heat of the sun burned hot and bright, making the beach a busy place that particular morning. She’d giggled as the car bunny hopped wildly around the entire length with Jake hunched over in the back, hiding as he begged Dad to make her stop.
“I’m not sure you’ve improved,” Ryan told her.
Fin arched her brow at the seriousness of his tone. “You’re not nervous are you?” she teased as he ran his fingers through his silky hair.
Ryan turned to look at her. The heated pink of the sunset reflected brightly in his dark eyes, and her breath caught at their beauty. “It’s not your driving I’m nervous about, baby.”
He was worried about seeing her parents, but he didn’t need to be. They didn’t deal with their own heartache by taking it out on others—not like his father. He was solely to blame for the tension making Ryan’s shoulders tight. “Ryan … I don’t know your dad, but I do know it’s possible to hate someone you’ve never met.”
“Don’t, Fin.” He reached out and grabbed her hand. Rather than the usual warmth, his touch was cold and damp. “Don’t hate. I don’t want that inside you.”
“It’s too late for that,” she told him.
The anger had taken hold of her the moment she saw the bruises marking his body when he was young. How could someone hurt the very person they were supposed to protect?
“It’s all in the past, Fin.”
“It’s not. It doesn’t matter what you’ve seen and done in your life, Ryan, because everywhere you’ve gone, your past has followed you. You haven’t let it go because it’s still here, wedged between us. You’re still trying to escape it, and I hate that after everything you’re still letting it hurt you.”
Ryan squeezed her hand in his. “Remember the night not long after you turned sixteen and your father said you couldn’t date?”
Fin nodded, remembering the feeling of calm that settled over her when her dad laid down the law. She’d only wanted Ryan and it had been the perfect excuse to use every time a boy asked her out.
“I was so relieved. I didn’t want anyone to have you. Even before then I thought of you as mine. It was that night, when I followed you outside, that I realised you knew about my father. I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to see me that way—as someone weak and helpless, someone to be pitied.”
“Ryan.” She frowned. “I would never think—”
“Who was it that told you? Was it Jake or was it Mike and Julie?”
Her mouth fell open. “Mum and Dad knew?” Fury rose swiftly inside her, warring with the confusion. “Why didn’t they do anything?” she cried out.
“Don’t be angry with them. They tried, believe me, they really did, but …” he trailed off, his brows drawn.
“But what?”
Ryan sighed deeply. “We argued. It ended with me telling them I’d run away if they said anything. I was young and desperate, and they were scared of what would happen to me if I ended up on the streets. At least this way they could make sure I was okay—that they were there if I needed them.”
Fin shook her head. “Why would you do that—not let them help you? I don’t understand.”
Ryan rubbed a hand over his jaw. “You don’t need to understand, Fin.”
“Why can’t you tell me why you put yourself through it? You could have had a better life somewhere else, you …”
Oh God. Somewhere else. Away from her. If he went into the system it was possible she might never have seen him again. Her chest started rising and falling a little harder.
“Look at me, Ryan.” Ryan looked up and the pleading she saw in his eyes had her heart pounding so hard she thought she was going to be sick.
“Oh no,” she whispered, denial flooding her hard. “No, no, no. No!” she shrieked, scrambling for the door handle, desperate to escape what she saw in his eyes. He stayed for her.
“Fin!”
He made a grab for her, but the car door was open and she was already running. Her feet pounded hard and fast along the road, panic careening wildly through her system as the night air washed over her face.