“I don’t think. I’m just a voice in your head, remember?”
“Is this you reminding me about letting you go or risk being a looney tune again?”
“Just read my letter, Kendall.”
“Why? So I have to say goodbye to you forever?”
“There are no goodbyes in life. Only see you later.”
Ryan followed the coastline as he drove from the northside of the city back to Fremantle. His eyes fell on Mettams Beach where Mike and Julie always took them on the weekends.
“Stop here, Kendall.”
Ryan pulled into the car park and switched off the ignition. Sitting back in his car, he gazed out to the horizon.
“Remember that day we snuck off with Dad’s paint and immortalised ourselves in stone?”
He did. They’d only been thirteen and had snuck the paint inside their bag of towels. When Mike and Julie had taken Fin to go snorkelling, they ran off down the beach and used Mike’s good brushes and house paint to plaster their names over the rocks. After getting caught, they were both supposed to come back and scrub it off but never did.
“Do you think it’s still there, Tanner?”
“Go look.”
Swinging the door open, he got out of the car and breathed in the fresh, salty air. Reaching back in, he grabbed Jake’s letter out of the glove box. After taking off his shoes and putting them in the car, he rolled up the legs of his jeans and trudged along the sand towards the rocks where he and Jake had spent hours plotting their future missions as soldiers.
It took him awhile to remember where their names were, but he found them. Swallowing the lump in this throat, he ran his fingers over the worn paint.
“What are you putting, Kendall?”
Ryan turned and grinned at Jake, the harsh sun beating down on his bare chest. He held the paintbrush aloft, white flecks speckling the rocks they were crouched over. “Ryan rocks!”
Jake guffawed loudly. “You’re a dick.”
“At least mine’s a big one. What are you putting?”
“I’m already finished.”
Ryan stood up, balancing across the rocks to peer over Jake’s shoulders. He read it silently. ‘Jake Tanner. Who Dares Wins.’
His mouth fell open as he looked at Jake. “You put the SAS soldier motto.”
Jake grinned down at him. His blond hair was tousled from the sea and sand, his green eyes flashing with excitement. “Yep. You don’t think I’m letting you do this alone, do you?”
Ryan swallowed hard at the memory. “Fuck you, Jake,” he whispered as the breeze fluttered his hair. “You went and left and now I’m doing it alone after all.” He waited for an answer, but he didn’t hear anything except the sound of waves crashing against the rocks.
As the sun slipped across the sky, he eventually slid his finger under the opening of the envelope and pulled out the sheet of paper. Tears blurred his vision as he unfolded the single page. He waited for them to pass before his eyes fell on the words.
Kendall,
Sleeping during training was bad enough, but leaving you alone to finish what we started together is probably taking it a bit far, huh?
I’m sorry.
Despite what you always said, out of the both of us it was you that was the strongest. The only difference was that I smiled a little easier, but we both know why that is. You and Fin have each other now. Take care of her for me. She has such a big heart and most of it is filled with you. Remember when she was fourteen and trying to learn the clarinet? We both wanted to jab hot pokers in our ears to make it stop. I know that’s how you felt when I played my guitar, but that’s what you get for putting those baked beans down my pants. Yeah, I knew that was you.
I want you to give my guitar to Fin. She doesn’t know how to play it, but she’ll learn. She can carry on the Tanner tradition of playing good music badly and annoy the shit out of you in my place.
Remember the day we sliced our palms open with mum’s kitchen knife and shook hands? Do you remember what I said?
Ryan closed his eyes and pulled the memory from his mind. It was only weeks after the paint incident at the beach and night time. The full moon had washed the backyard with pale light as they sat cross legged opposite each other in the grass.
“Jake? What are you doing?” Fin called out from the back patio door.
“Nothing, Fin. Go away!” Jake yelled back, a frown marring his face.
“I saw you come out with that knife. You better not be doing anything bad with it or I’ll tell Mum.”
“Mind your own business!”
“It’s nothing bad, Fin,” Ryan called, his eyes seeking her out in the soft light. “Promise.”
Her eyes were wide as she nodded at him. “Okay, Ryan,” she replied, and with a brief look at Jake, she went back inside.
Jake raised a brow at him. “She always listens to you.”
Ryan grinned. “That’s because I’m the voice of authority.”