Faster We Burn

chapter Thirty-two

Stryker

I’d been nervous for Thanksgiving with Katie’s family, but that was nothing to how I felt about Christmas.

“Should I bring a tie? Do you think I should bring a tie?” I said to Katie as I packed a bag. I was only planning on staying for a week or so, to feel things out, even though our winter break was nearly a month long. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome.

“You are being way too neurotic,” Katie said, leaning on my suitcase so I couldn’t put anything more in it. “No one is going to care if you wear a tie, although, I like that black thin one you have in your closet.”

I went and grabbed the only black skinny tie I owned.

“This one?”

“That’s the one.” She took it from me, folded it and placed it in the suitcase. “I think you need to be done now.” She zipped it shut and lay on top of it so I couldn’t access it, even if I wanted to.

“Why are you so nervous? You’ve been to my house a bunch of times. You’ve seen us at our worst and still came out alive.”

“That was…different. I was there because I had a place to fill. You were so sad and I wanted to be there for you. But you don’t need me like that anymore. You’re strong enough.”

I shrugged.

Katie got up from our bed and stood in front of me, a little smile on her face.

“You’re an idiot. You’re. An. Idiot.” I’d said the exact same thing to her once. “I do need you. I need you because sometimes I feel like you’re the one thing that holds me together. I start thinking about all the bad things in my life and then I think of you, and all the bad things don’t seem so bad anymore.”

I put my arms around her.

“But the real question is, should I bring another tie?”



***



This time, Katie drove, and we didn’t need a GPS. I also had her hand in mine. She had to take it slow as a few snowflakes drifted down and melted as quick as they hit the pavement.

“You think we’re going to get a white Christmas?” she said, dropping her speed down as the snow got heavier. Pretty soon it would start to stick. I just hoped we got there before that happened. I didn’t exactly trust the Mazda’s ability to navigate a snowy road.

“That would be nice. Haven’t had one of those in a long time,” I said, peering up at the grey sky.

“When I was a kid and it snowed, Dad used to take this thing and make reindeer footprints on the lawn. That was how I discovered that Santa wasn’t real. I caught him doing them one night. He was so upset that year.”

I loved hearing about her Christmas memories. They beat the hell out of mine.

“I guess there won’t be anyone to do it now.”

“Why can’t you do it?”

“I don’t know. I guess I could.”

“Make you a deal. If it snows, we’ll go out and do it together.” I squeezed her hand and she squeezed back.

“Deal.”



***



The other thing that gave me pause was Katie’s Christmas present. I had two, actually. One to give her in front of her family and one that I’d give her in private. I’d made both of them, and I was beyond nervous that she’d like them. One could be construed as semi-creepy, and that was the one I was going to give her when we were alone.

I had no idea what she had planned for me, but I knew she was up to something, because I’d caught her whispering on the phone when she thought I was doing something else. I didn’t really care if she gave me anything. Having her safe and in my arms was enough.

“Well hello again,” Kayla said, opening the door and giving Katie a huge hug. As soon as they let go, Kayla grabbed me and gave me one too. Well that was unexpected.

“Hey, man,” Adam said, giving me a handshake.

“Oh my God,” Katie said, staring at Kayla.

“What?” she said, giving Adam a nervous look that he shared. I looked at Kayla, but didn’t get it.

“You’re pregnant,” Katie said, removing her hand from her mouth. “You are freaking pregnant!”

“Keep your voice down,” Kayla said, grabbing Katie’s arm and yanking us back out on the porch. I had no choice but to follow, and Adam closed the door behind us.

“I haven’t told mom yet, you moron. Besides, we just found out. How did you even know?”

“Look at you.” She looked exactly the same to me. I even let my eyes travel to her stomach, but it looked just as flat as ever. “I can totally see it.”

“Where?” Kayla flattened her shirt over her stomach.

“Right there.” Katie pointed to an invisible bump that only she could see.

“If it’s any consolation, I can’t see anything,” I said as Kayla smoothed her hands over the invisible bump.

“I told her that, but she’s been paranoid,” Adam said. “I’m telling you, sweetie, you can’t see anything.” He put his hands around her and kissed the side of her face.

“Well, congratulations anyway,” I said, poking Katie, who was still gaping at Kayla.

“Thanks,” Adam said. “We didn’t plan it, but then some of the best things are unplanned, aren’t they?”

“Amen to that,” I said.

Katie still seemed like she was in shock.

“You’re pregnant?” she whispered, looking at Kayla.

“Yeah, I am.” Kayla said, starting to cry. “You’re gonna be an auntie.”

Then Katie burst into tears and they hugged and cried and laughed. Adam and I just looked at each other. Sometimes there was no understanding the Hallman women. Didn’t mean we wouldn’t try.

The front door opened and Mrs. Hallman poked her head out.

“What are you all doing out here? What’s wrong?” She was immediately alarmed because of the tears.

Kayla sighed and looked at Adam.

“Well, I was going to wait until Christmas, but I guess now is a good a time as any.” She took Adam’s hand and pulled him close. “We’re going to have a baby.” She beamed and waited for the reaction.

“You’re pregnant?” Mrs. Hallman clutched her chest and looked like she was going to faint. Katie reached out and grabbed her so she didn’t fall. “Oh my God, you’re pregnant?” Like daughters, like mother, she burst into tears and threw herself at Kayla and at Adam. Lots more tears and hugging ensued.

“So you’re happy?” Kayla said. “I know we’re not married…”

“Oh, who cares?! I’m going to be a grandmother. Oh, Kayla! Come on, let’s get you into the house.”

“Mom, I’m fine.”

“The cold isn’t good for you, come on.” Rolling her eyes behind her mother’s back, Kayla let herself be led inside and the rest of us followed.

Unlike Thanksgiving, the house was nearly bare of decorations. There was an undecorated tree, and not much else, which surprised me. Or maybe it wasn’t surprising, giving the absence of Mr. Hallman.

Mrs. Hallman led Kayla into the kitchen and forced her to sit down and have some tea, before slamming her with questions about the baby and how far along she was and everything else. Katie and I slipped away so I could get my things and put them in her room. She’d said that it would be okay for me to stay in her room, but I wasn’t going to hold my breath. I could always bunk down in the basement if I had to.

“Kayla’s a big one for the surprises, isn’t she? First it was the engagement, now this.”

“Yeah, I can’t believe it. I knew she wanted kids, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t this soon.” She sat down on her bed, lay back and closed her eyes. “I wonder if this means she’s going to come home. That would be good.”

“Yeah, it would take some of the pressure off you.”

“I shouldn’t even think of it as pressure. I shouldn’t think of it that way. I should want to do it. She’s my mom, Stryker.”

“I know, I know.” I lay down next her, squishing myself against her on the twin bed. “Listen, I have a present for you, but I wanted to give it to you when it was just the two of us. I know it’s not Christmas, but I want to give it to you now, if that’s ok.”

She turned on her side to face me, smiling.

“Okay. Give it to me.”

“Geez, demanding much?” I bit her shoulder as I got up and fished in my bag. I’d pre-wrapped her presents in paper I’d drawn on myself.

“Stryker. It’s so pretty.” I’d duplicated a lot of the drawings I’d made on her body. “I almost don’t want to unwrap it. Almost.”

I sat down beside her and tried not to freak out as she slowly unpeeled the wrapping from her present.

“Oh, Stryker.” She revealed a wooden box that I’d painted on. Then she turned it and saw what the painting was. “Oh my God.”

“I may or may not have stolen that picture from your house last time I was here.”

I’d painted a picture of her father on the top of the box, from a photograph that I’d commandeered from an album last time I was at her house. I had the feeling I’d need it at some point, even if it was just to give to her. Mr. Hallman sat on the recliner and smiled, waving at the camera. It must have been taken quite a few years ago, because his hair was definitely darker than when I’d met him.

She opened the velvet-lined box and brushed the inside.

“I thought you could use something better than a Ziploc bag. And you can close it and carry it around with you. See?” I pointed to the little lock on the front of it.

“This is…this is one of the sweetest and most creepy things anyone has ever done for me.”

“Is it more on the sweet side or more on the creepy side?” I was hoping for the former.

“It’s a little bit of both, but I absolutely love it. Thank you so much.” She reached for her purse and took out the bag of ashes that she always carried with her, putting them in the box and locking it shut. She smiled down at the portrait on the front.

“Now he’s with me all the time.”

I put my arm around her.

“Exactly.” I wiped a tear from her cheek. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”