“Here we go,” Jase says when he returns with a bucket of beers. Popping the top for me, he hands me a bottle.
Max sits silently beside me as Jase and I start talking about this past week. I tell him everything that we did, and we talk a little about Donna when Mark’s band takes the stage. When they start playing, I am impressed with their sound. It reminds me a lot of the Silversun Pickups.
“They’re really good,” I yell over at Jase.
“Yeah, I know. I knew you’d like them,” he yells back.
We continue to sit there and drink our beers while listening to the band. I can’t believe it took me so long to come here. I feel happy and relaxed being here with Jase and finally getting to hear one of my closest friends play. The room is chaotic and noisy and I have no concept of time, but when I feel Ryan’s arms wrap around my waist from behind, I know I’ve been down here for a while.
He nuzzles my neck and gives me a nip before saying, “You having fun?”
“Yeah. I had no idea how good they were.”
“They’ve really been bringing in the crowds since they started playing here. Been trying to figure shit out because they aren’t sure if they are still going to play after this summer. A couple of the guys are graduating with Mark, so we’ll see.”
A girl in a tight black tank top with the word ‘BLUR’ written across her chest, like Max’s, approaches the table with a beverage tray in her hands. She sets the tray on the table, and while she is placing our empty bottles on it, she says, “So this is the girl that finally took you off the market,” while looking at me. She doesn’t give my stomach a chance to knot up when she gives me a warm smile. “I’m Mel.” She reaches over to shake my hand and continues, “It’s great to finally put a face to the name. Ryan never shuts up about you.”
She laughs as she rushes away, not giving Ryan a chance to say anything.
He leans down to my ear and tells me, “She’s worked here for years, you’ll like her.”
When I give him a side stare, he says, “Don’t worry, she’s married.”
I shake my head and turn my attention back to the stage as I lean back in Ryan’s arms.
It feels good to finally be here in Ryan’s world. It’s always felt weird to me to not be involved in such a big part of his life. I guess it must be the same way he felt about never seeing me dance. Finally being able to link these two missing pieces, I feel more connected to who he is.
?????
For the past several weeks, Ryan has been good with me only staying with him a few nights a week, and although he complains, I know he understands. Kimber and I still don’t really talk that much, but she has asked about Ryan and I have opened up to her a little about him. She is still dating Seth, even though she says it’s not too serious. She told me he was accepted into graduate school at UCLA, so there is no reason for her to get too attached. She’s convincing when she says that they are both just having fun together at this point.
I talked to Roxy the other day about changing my tattoo. She wanted to know why I wasn’t happy with it, so I just told her that I wanted it to be more of a reflection of who I am now. She didn’t really understand, and of course, I didn’t expect her to. But I came to the decision to simply have the heart shaded in. I didn’t want to add to it to make it any larger than what it already is. I like that it’s tiny. I didn’t realize until I fell in love with Ryan how full my heart could actually be, so having the empty heart on my hip filled in only makes sense. Ryan loved that idea and went with me yesterday to get it done.
I was a nervous wreck, the same as I was when I first got it. Jared was quick, and it didn’t hurt too bad. Ryan held my hand through the short process, and now I have a solid black heart instead of the empty outline. Even though it’s the same, it feels very different to me. I love Ryan for helping me transform something that was filled with such bad memories into something that now makes me happy when I look at it. I think of him when I see it, and I love that he was able to give that to me.
While I was going through my drawers and getting rid of old clothes, I ran across Detective Patterson’s card again. I held it in my hands and thought about how I first met Jack and how quickly it spun out of control. I’m not even sure if too much time has passed to call. Not that I would call. I don’t really know what to do about it all. I have always just assumed I would leave it be and move on.