FADING: A novel

“Don’t start,” I say as I lay my hand on his chest, keeping him from coming any closer. “Your mother is downstairs.”

 

“I don’t care who the fuck is downstairs when the only thing covering your wet body is that towel.”

 

“That’s why I’m getting my clothes.”

 

I quickly grab my clothes and run back into the bathroom before Ryan can strip the towel off of me. Once I’m dressed and walk back out, he says, “Tori has an extra wetsuit in my closet that should fit you okay.”

 

“What?”

 

“Surfing. You and me.”

 

“I’m fine with trying anything new, but that water is freezing.”

 

“I promise, when you’re in that wetsuit, you’ll be fine. Tori loves to surf, so she has her wetsuit here and some swimsuits in my closet.”

 

?????

 

When we get to Indian Beach, the wind is just as strong as the last time we were here. The mist is thick, and the skies are dark and heavy with clouds today. I grab one of the blankets that Ryan put in the car before we left the house and wrap it around me when I get out. Ryan unhooks the boards from the top of the jeep, and we head down the wooden stairs to the wet and rocky beach. I stop and watch the rough waves as they crash along the shore. If ever there was a time I worried about breaking a leg, it’s now.

 

Holding out his hand for me, he says, “Come on.”

 

I shrug off my blanket, toss it on the stairs, and follow him out.

 

“Ryan, I’m going to hurt myself.”

 

He chuckles and says, “No, you won’t.”

 

“That water looks rough. There’s no way I’m getting up on that board.”

 

“You’re getting up, babe.”

 

When we get to the water, he drops the boards on the ground and starts telling me everything I hope I need to know to not kill myself. He shows me how to pop up on the board, and I have no problems showing him I am fully capable.

 

I take the hairband from my wrist and tie my hair up on top of my head, as Ryan straps the cord around my ankle.

 

When he stands up, he gives me a quick kiss and says with a big smile, “I fuckin’ love that you’re doing this.”

 

“You know I’m willing to try almost anything, but don’t get your hopes up. I don’t think I’ll be able to get up.”

 

Grabbing me and pulling me up against him, he leans down to my neck and says, “If you get up, I’ll get up for you later,” and then starts sucking on my neck.

 

I smack his arm and push him away as he’s laughing.

 

“You’re so gross!”

 

“Pick up your board. Let’s go,” is his only response.

 

?????

 

I ended up having a pretty great time with Ryan in the water. When he wasn’t trying to get frisky with me, I managed to get up on the board a few times. After several hours, we decide to head back to the house. I’ve been wrapped up in blankets since we got in the car to try and get warm again.

 

When we get back to the house, I run upstairs to take a shower while Ryan makes us sandwiches.

 

I turn the water on and step into the large glassed-in shower when steam begins to fill the room. My body is freezing and even though the water is scalding on my skin, I’m still shivering. I close my eyes and let the water wash over me as it slowly starts to warm me up.

 

I’m startled when I hear the door open.

 

“What are you doing?!” I squeal when Ryan closes the glass door behind him and wraps his arms around my waist.

 

“It’s time to ante up, babe.” Dipping his head under the running water, he pushes me against the cool wall, and slides his hand back through his wet hair.

 

Running my hand up and around his neck, he lowers his head to mine and kisses me. He easily pulls me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist, locking my ankles. The air is thick with steam, making my breathing labored as Ryan nibbles playfully along my neck and ear.

 

I’ve been wishing that there was someone just like him, and now that he’s found me, I feel like he has the power to pull me though this madness that has been consuming me.

 

His wet hand lingers down my neck to my breast, and he presses into me harder. Dropping my head into the curve of his shoulder, I breathe, “I want you.”

 

“I don’t have anything with me in here.”

 

“It’s okay. I’ve been on the pill for a while. I trust you.”

 

He pulls his head back and gives me a confused look. “When did you get on the pill, babe?”

 

“I’ve been on it. I got it . . .” I drop my head for a second and when I look back up at him I tell him, “I got on it after what happened.”

 

He goes on to assure me that he’s always been safe and that he’s never had unprotected sex. I know he would never hurt me, and I trust him, so I don’t hesitate when I reaffirm that I want him.

 

As his bare flesh touches mine, a ragged breath leaves his chest.

 

“Fuck, babe, you feel so good.”

 

I love knowing I can give this to him, that he can have me completely, with nothing to separate us. We proceed to spend a lengthy amount of time in the shower making love to each other.

 

?????

 

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