It’s early as fuck and I feel bad waking Aubrey, but I have to. Peeking into her room without knocking, I’m surprised by what I see. She’s definitely not sleeping. There’s someone with her in bed and they are going at it. Quietly I close the door, not letting them know I saw a thing. Undecided on how to handle Brady, I hop in the shower, hoping that will make me feel a little better.
As I wash away the guilt from last night, it still doesn’t change the fact that it’s done and I can’t go back. As much as I’m pissed with myself, my mind stays on Nate. I miss how good it felt to be in his arms. God, when I was with him, everything was so fucking perfect. I just wish it could all go back to that. Tears gloss over my eyes and a lump forms in the back of my throat.
I know why I stayed last night. As much as I want to blame it on the alcohol, it wasn’t that. I wanted to feel what I had with Nate, with Brady, but it’s not there and never will be. I have to accept that I’m meant to lead a single life.
My phone vibrates again, so I decide to turn it off. My best course of action against Brady is to simply ignore him; it’s what I usually do when I’m done with a guy. Crawling into my bed, exhaustion smacks me in the face…
“God, you’re so beautiful,” Nate says, nestled deep inside of me. Both of us are panting from the sex and the anticipation that we might get caught. We’re on the beach and the sun is long gone. The only thing that lights the night sky is the moon peeking in and out of the clouds.
“I love you,” I whisper.
“I love you more,” he says leaving a trail of kisses down my neck, nipping and sucking along the way.
Even though his mouth is heavenly, my mind gets away from me. I need to ask him if he’s heard any news. Then again, I’m terrified to know. Sometimes living in the dark is better than facing reality.
“What’s wrong?” he asks knowing me so well.
“Nothing,” I respond, shaking my head.
“Come on, A, I know you. Talk to me.”
Swallowing hard, I look into his eyes, searching for the strength to speak. “Have you heard anything on when you’re getting deployed?”
Scrunching his eyebrows, he looks at me and shakes his head. “No. Come on, A, you promised me not tonight. You said we wouldn’t talk about that stuff.”
“I know…it’s…it’s just I have to know when I’m going to lose you.”
“You’re never going to lose me, baby. No matter if I go or not, I’m yours,” he says, taking my hand and pressing it against his chest. “Forever, you hear me?”
I nod my head, reminding myself that I have to stay positive. For us. As we watch one another, so close together and connected, I feel his dick begin to stir again. The sensation alone causes me to crash my lips to his, taking in his tongue when he seeks entrance and letting him invade my mouth.
In that moment our worlds blend together. Everything we are becomes one. I can’t control the future, or what’s going to happen. But what I can do is cherish him in this moment while we have each other.
Nate’s movements become urgent, as does his mouth, kissing, sucking, nipping, and biting everywhere he can, matching his rhythm. The affection drives me close to climax. I moan in bliss, wrapping my legs tightly around his waist, and weave my fingers into his hair.
I hold on with everything I have, allowing him to take me on this ride. I’m so close that I drop my legs, letting my heels dig into the sand. Nate’s arms hold me tightly against him, as surges of bliss rock my body.
“Let go, A,” he whispers…
I wake to the reality that Nate is dead. A weight drags me down as I begin sobbing into my pillow…again. I do everything I can to stay quiet. I’ve dreamt that dream so many times over the last seven months, and still, I always wake when he says Let go, A. That night was one of the happiest of my life – I would give anything to go back.
There’s a light knock on my door and before I can say a word, Aubrey enters. I turn my face into my pillow to let the tears absorb, trying to hide my pathetic outburst. She’s seen me do this more times than I’d like to admit and still I’m embarrassed. “Are you ever going to wake up?” she asks me.
“What time is it?”
“It’s nine.”
“I just got home. I haven’t even slept that long.”
“Dude, it’s nine at night.”
I blink a few times and look at my curtains to see if there’s any light shining in. She’s right, it’s nighttime. “Holy shit, I slept all fucking day.”
“Well, I’m sure you needed it. I tried to wake you earlier but you were out cold. Did you and Brady stay up all night?”
I get out of bed and head into the bathroom, avoiding her question. I don’t want to get into things right now or admit that I stayed the night, not with how emotional I am and just waking up from that dream. We can talk about Brady later. For now, I’ll avoid him.
“Who was in your bed this morning?” I ask, wanting to change the subject.
“Rodney – he’s a total hottie. He wants to go out again tonight. Are you up for that?”