Emancipating Andie

chapter FOURTEEN



What had he done?

Chase paced the length of his living room, one hand fisted in his hair as he brought the other to his mouth, taking a long pull of his cigarette. He hadn’t smoked in months, not since before the drive down to Florida, but he was already on his third one in the hour since Andie left.

Her eyes. He couldn’t stop thinking about the look in her eyes.

If only he had seen that fire, the one he knew was capable of igniting there. The one that had seared him with her anger that night in Justin’s wine cellar. If only she had looked at him that way, if he had seen some level of self-sufficiency or resilience in her stare, if she had told him to go to hell, then maybe he could begin to move past the f*cking calamity he had created.

But the hurt behind her eyes, the embarrassment, the confusion—he couldn’t stop seeing it. The scene kept unfolding in front of him again and again: her trembling chin, her tear stained face, the hope in her expression, the words that elated him and tore his heart out at the same time.

I said no, Chase.

He closed his eyes and shook his head, taking the cigarette between his lips to free his hands as he walked briskly toward the kitchen and reached above his refrigerator. He grabbed the first bottle his hand landed on and glanced down as he unscrewed the cap.

Johnnie Walker Black, although it hardly mattered.

He pulled the cigarette from his lips with one hand as he brought the bottle to his mouth with the other, taking a swallow as he walked back to the living room.

Chase fell back onto his couch, his head resting against it as he switched the bottle for his cigarette.

He wanted to tear himself open, to reach inside his chest until he could get his fist around the feeling that was aching there and yank it out of his body.

He had felt guilty enough when he thought he was intruding on their relationship, but he had no idea things were that serious. Shit, they had only just started dating when he met her, which meant they couldn’t have been together for more than a year and a half. He didn’t expect that either one of them would already be thinking about marriage.

It was shitty enough to want Colin’s girlfriend, but to want his wife? To take that away from him?

He exhaled a puff of smoke as he brought the bottle to his lips again. Chase had no idea their relationship was there. If he did, he would have tried harder to rein himself in. How could he have been so selfish? How could he have done this to his friend?

How could he have done this to Andie?

He swallowed, feeling the heat glide down his throat, and he leaned forward, putting the bottle on the coffee table before he ran his free hand roughly down his face.

He shouldn’t have gone to her apartment the night she left Ripley’s. Up until that point, everything was manageable. Everything was under control. He should have just left well enough alone. But no, he had to follow her. He had to invite himself in under the bullshit pretense of giving her a piano lesson. And with one selfish move, he had managed to ruin her entire future.

He stared down at his hand as he rolled the cigarette between his thumb and forefinger, and with a dexterous flick of his wrist, he watched the ember disintegrate, raining down on his carpet and speckling it with little dots of gray. Chase brought the cigarette to his lips once more, jumping slightly as a loud, frantic knocking sounded at his door.

He stilled for a moment before he closed his eyes. Only one person would be coming to his apartment at this time of night, knocking with that sort of frenzied determination.

Colin.

Mother f*cker. He did not want to do this now.

With his eyes still closed, he fell back against the couch, exhaling the smoke slowly through his nose. The banging on his door sounded again, a little louder this time, and the muscles in Chase’s jaw flexed.

He had never been the type to run from consequences. In fact, few things turned him off more than a person who couldn’t own his mistakes. And as questionable as Chase’s integrity had been over the past couple of months, he would not show weakness of character now. He ran his tongue over his teeth, laughing humorlessly to himself at the pathetic irony of it all, as if he’d be showing some type of moral fiber by facing his friend after he had furtively lured his girlfriend away from him.

Despite the fact that he could not even wrap his mind around having this conversation right now, he knew he would open the door out of principle. Colin deserved an explanation just as much as Chase deserved some type of repercussion.

The thumping on his door sounded again with such ferocity that Chase was sure the person on the other side had kicked it, and he sat up slowly, reaching lethargically for the bottle on the table and taking one last swallow.

Chase knew, on some level, that this was coming. He knew it the second the words left Andie’s mouth earlier that night. He just didn’t expect that it would be this soon. But maybe it would be better to get this over with. Maybe it was early enough that something could still be salvaged.

He stood from the couch, bending to duck out his cigarette as he placed the bottle back on the table, and he finally straightened, rubbing his eyes roughly with the heels of his hands before running them up through his hair.

Chase approached his door, feeling the instinctive set of his jaw as he steeled himself for whatever was coming now.

But as he pulled the door open, his mind went completely blank.

There was nothing that could have prepared him for this.

She stood at his threshold, her eyes red and swollen, and although her face was still streaked with tears, it was expressionless; her eyes were impassive, her posture perfectly still.

Chase stood frozen, staring at her. It seemed like an hour had passed before any coherent thought returned to him, and at that moment, he realized he should probably say something. But as she met his gaze from behind that blank expression, Chase found himself struggling to find words. A simple apology would never be good enough for what he had done, but it was the only thing he could think of in that moment that made any type of sense.

Before he could even attempt the words, Andie lunged forward, shoving him with such force that he went stumbling back into his living room. Chase struggled to steady himself, and as soon as he regained his balance, she drove forward again, her palms making contact with his chest hard enough to send him reeling back into the wall.

“You don’t just do that!” she yelled, her voice hoarse with emotion. “You don’t just show up in someone’s life and screw it up like that! I was fine before you!”

Chase pushed himself off the wall, completely stunned, and she took a step back, shaking with rage.

“You think you can do whatever you want at the expense of other people? That you don’t have to care about anyone but yourself? Chase only lives for Chase, right?” she shouted, gesturing at him angrily. “You think that just because you’ve been hurt, you don’t have to consider other people’s feelings anymore? That you get to flip me upside down on a whim and then just walk away?”

He stood immobilized beneath her glare, his heart pounding in his chest. He deserved this. He deserved every second of this and more. He would stand there and take whatever she needed to dish out, giving her the only kind of reparation he could.

She roughly swiped the hair out of her eyes, her chest heaving.

“I didn’t imagine it, Chase,” she said, her voice softening and trembling in a way that caused a sharp pain in his chest. “So what was it? Did you just want to f*ck me?”

Except that.

He would take anything she had to give, except that.

He could stand there and let her tear him down, let her call him out for everything he was and wasn’t, but he would not tolerate her demeaning herself. He would not stand by and let her diminish what he felt for her, or let her believe, even for a second, that this was just about sex.

That he would think so little of her.

“Andie, don’t.”

“No, tell me,” she said, shifting her weight as she folded her arms, putting on an air of mock intrigue. “I know I didn’t imagine it. Whatever this was between us. So what was it? Did you just want to screw me and send me back to him? Let him handle the actual relationship while you had your fun? Did it suddenly get too serious for you?”

He swallowed, his chest stinging with a familiar pain, and he realized the last time words had cut him this way, they had come from his father’s mouth.

“Stop it, Andie,” he said, his voice low.

“Well then tell me what this is about!” she shouted, throwing her hands up in frustration. “I deserve an explanation, goddamn it!”

Chase could feel heat pooling in every surface of his body, feel his hands shaking. He had no idea what was coming, and he was afraid to move, afraid to open his mouth for fear of what might come out.

So he stood there, his eyes on her, and said nothing.

Andie stared at him, waiting for an answer, but after nearly a minute of silence, Chase watched as the bravado slowly left her body; the anger melted from her expression, and suddenly she just looked defeated.

He looked on in horror as her eyes welled with tears, and when she spoke, her voice was trembling. “You’re a coward,” she said before she turned and headed toward the door.

He had let her leave once. He would not make the same mistake again.

In three long strides, he crossed the room and grabbed her arm, turning her quickly as he pulled her back toward him. She stared up at him, her eyes wide with alarm, and before he could even think about what he was doing, he brought his mouth to hers.

He felt her arms come up, and for a split second, he thought she might hit him. But instead they slid around his neck, her fingers snaking into his hair as she pulled his mouth against hers, and in that second he stopped thinking altogether.

His hands came to the small of her back, pressing her body against his as he continued to kiss her, causing her torso to bow with the force of it. When he felt the arc of her body, the way she was yielding to him, he began to pull back, but her hands in his hair curled into fists as she pulled him back toward her, asking without words for what he was giving her only seconds before.

With a soft moan he obliged, kissing her fully, their lips and breath combining with renewed urgency. Andie’s hands were still tangled in his hair, and he could feel his own fingertips digging into the flesh of her back beneath her shirt.

Every second of built-up tension, every ounce of forbidden longing, every illicit desire, had finally found an outlet; he could feel her readily submit to it in his arms, fueling his own surrender, giving it free reign as the onslaught of repressed emotions exploded between them.

Chase brought his hands up to her face, his thumbs caressing her cheeks, trying to show her through the frenzied kiss that this was more than just physical for him, but he couldn’t stop kissing her long enough to say the words.

As many times as he fantasized about this, Chase had never imagined her lips would be this perfect; every time he removed his mouth from hers, he found himself leaning back in just to feel them again. She actually tasted sweet, and he could already feel himself getting drunk off of her.

Getting addicted to her.

He ran his thumbs over her cheeks again, and she pulled back slightly, looking up at him. This time as he leaned back in, he took control of the kiss, slowing it down, brushing his lips against hers, parting her lips with his own, pulling back ever so slightly before allowing their mouths to make contact again.

With a tiny whimper that broke Chase’s heart and mended it simultaneously, she followed his lead, kissing him with the same reverence with which he was regarding her, and suddenly they were both present again, so achingly aware of each other, of every breath and sound and touch.

He brushed his lips against hers again, fighting every instinct in his body as he pulled away from her, lifting his hand to brush the hair away from her face.

“Chase,” she whispered, her voice a mixture of desire and confusion, and he leaned forward, kissing the tip of her nose as he tucked her hair behind her ear.

“How could you not know?” he whispered, and she looked up at him with those eyes that owned him from the first day he looked into them. “You have to know how I feel about you, Andie.”

She dropped her gaze, a slight blush coloring her cheeks, and Chase brought his fingers beneath her chin, lifting her face back to his.

“How could you think this was just about sex?”

She licked her bottom lip nervously, inadvertently tempting Chase to bring his mouth back to hers, but he would not allow himself to. Not yet. Not until he made his feelings clear.

“But…why…you said…that I should have…” she fumbled nervously, her voice barely a whisper.

“Andromeda,” he said softly, and she stilled, looking up at him. “I want you. And I’m not just talking about sex. I want you in every way. But…you deserve better than what I can offer you. He can give you things, a future and a life that I just…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I’m not Colin,” he finally said. “There’s a good chance I’ll f*ck this up, and then it will have all been for nothing, and you’ll wish that you had—”

Andie shook her head before she pressed her mouth to his, silencing him. There were so many things he still wanted to say, and as much as he needed to clarify things with her, he was instantly pulled back into the kiss. His left hand curled around the nape of her neck as her lips parted for him, her tongue teasing his lower lip, begging for entrance. He obliged with a groan, and when she pressed him back against the wall, he lost all train of thought.

It was Andie who slowed things down this time, pulling back from him slightly, and he found himself leaning toward her, trying to prolong the contact.

“So…is that the only reason you told me I should have said yes?” she asked, and he pressed his forehead to hers.

“I’m ready to face my consequences, Andie. I just want you to be sure,” he whispered, his bottom lip grazing her top one. “I want you to think about what you’d be giving up.”

“There’s nothing to think about,” she murmured against his lips, kissing him with a feather-light touch. “I know you’re what I want.”

Chase closed his eyes as a pleasant rush of heat coursed through his body at her words—words that seemed too good to be true. “Say that again,” he whispered.

He felt her breathy laugh against his lips before she pulled back slightly, meeting his gaze. “You’re what I want, Chase.”

He brought his forehead down to hers again as a contentment he’d never known wrapped around him, nearly taking his breath away. Andie lifted her face, touching the tip of her nose to his as she gently stroked the back of his neck.

The emotions were coursing through him with alarming speed, none of them recognizable, but all of them powerful. He felt drunk, like something had taken over his body, bombarding him with waves of pleasure and satisfaction, and he never wanted to feel normal again.

He lifted his head then, looking at her, and she smiled up at him. He kept waiting for it to feel wrong, standing there with his friend’s ex in his arms, but the undeniable truth was, nothing in his life had ever felt this right.

“I can’t help it. I want this,” he said hoarsely, and she smiled, her hand still grazing the back of his neck.

“Then it’s yours.”

He brought his mouth back to hers, unable to fight his need to be touching her, and she wrapped her arms around him again, gently walking him farther back into the room as she continued to kiss him.

When he felt the backs of his knees hit the side of his bed, he froze, and with one more gentle nudge from Andie, his legs buckled as he sat back on the mattress.

Chase stared up at her, trying to read her expression. He wanted her more than anything. He wanted to feel her, adore her, finally make her his after all this time, but he didn’t want her to think she had to do this now.

“Andromeda,” he began, and her eyes fluttered closed.

“I love when you call me that,” she sighed, bringing her knees to the bed outside his thighs as she straddled his lap, and he brought his hands to her hips, looking up at her.

She looked down at him, a lock of hair falling in front of her eyes, and she bit her bottom lip before she smiled.

My God, he thought, this woman has no idea how sexy she is.

“Why do you look so nervous?” she teased softly. “This isn’t your first time, is it?”

“You know we don’t have to—” But his words were cut off with a groan as she lowered her weight onto his lap, providing the most amazing pressure. He dug his fingers into her hips, hoping too late that he wasn’t hurting her.

She looked down at him again, her expression now sweetly serious. “I want to,” she whispered. “I’ve wanted to for so long. But we don’t have to tonight if you think it’s a bad idea. I just want to be close to you.”

He released his hold on her hips, running his hands up the sides of her body, and she sighed, closing her eyes and arching toward him.

His jaw flexed as he took her in. Did she really think he would turn her down? Did she think he would ever deny her anything?

“Andie, I’ll give you anything you want.”

She opened her eyes and looked down at him. “I’m gonna fall in love with you,” she whispered.

As soon as the words left her mouth, there was the tiniest flicker of alarm in her expression, as if she shouldn’t have disclosed that information.

He wanted to answer. He wanted to take the fear out of her eyes. He wanted to tell her that he’d long beat her to it, that he was pretty sure he fell in love with her that day on Tybee Island, that every experience he’d had with her since then had only reinforced it.

But everything about this moment felt so delicate, so surreal; he was terrified that he’d say the wrong thing and shatter it. He didn’t want to rant incessantly with simple words that didn’t hold a candle to what he was feeling.

Instead he slid his hand behind her neck and pulled her down to him, running the tip of his tongue along the swell of her lip before he parted them, kissing her with every ounce of emotion he could muster, pouring every unspoken word into the kiss, telling her without words how she had managed to revive everything inside him that was good, showing her that he wanted her to fall in love with him, because he was already there.

And when he felt her lips curve into a smile against his, he knew she understood.

She leaned into him then, pressing him back onto the bed, and from the second Chase laid down with Andie above him, he knew this was going to be different.

It felt like he existed within a vacuum. Every sense was amplified and intensely responsive—the way she was moving against him as she kissed him, the tiny sounds she was making, the taste of her lips, the scent of her hair as it fell in silken curtains around their faces, hiding them from the rest of the world.

He was extremely aware of every little thing, and it all fueled the fire that was building low in his stomach, growing with astonishing speed.

Sex for Chase had always been a means to an end; even when he truly cared for the woman he was with, it was about getting her off. But this time, with Andie, the end was the furthest thing from his mind. All his focus was on this moment, this second, right now.

Andie moved above him with confidence now, her pace slow and sensual but rooted in her increasing desire as she trailed her perfect kisses along the side of his neck, and he gripped her hips firmly, tilting his head back to give her better access.

Jesus Christ, how could it feel this good with four layers of clothes still between them?

Chase sat up then, cradling her as he twisted his body and laid her down on the mattress, positioning himself above her. He wanted to be in control. He wanted to savor every second with her.

He set the languid pace as he began to explore her, peeling away obtrusive articles of clothing one by one, and she followed him, deliberately drawing it out, the mounting suspense growing as tangible as their bodies beneath each other’s hands.

And once they were fully exposed to each other, once there was nothing but the feel of skin on skin, the beautiful warm silk of her body rubbing against his with every movement, only then did his hand come between them as he allowed himself to touch her, really touch her, for the first time.

They both moaned at the contact, and the heat in his belly instantly ignited into a raging fire, blazing through his veins as a new urgency beat in his blood. He felt her writhe against his hand ever so slightly, and that was all it took to disarm him.

It was a blur of skin and lips and hands after that, both of them frantic, almost desperate. Chase had never been so in tune to a woman before; he was clued in to every detail of her, the cues she gave him with her movements, with her sounds, when he’d done something right, and he followed each one, playing her body like his piano, figuring out the melody as he went.

His attention was perfectly divided between learning Andie’s body and feeling her hands exploring his own. Every touch of hers, every kiss, was goddamn perfect, and when she finally reached between them and took him in her hand, he thought he might cry.

Chase breathed raggedly against her mouth, feeling her feeling him, and his eyes rolled back slightly before they fluttered closed. His fantasies of this woman were pathetic shadows of what she was capable of.

He shifted above her, needing to be closer, and the new position caused their bodies to align in a way that made Andie gasp loudly, followed by a groan that nearly ended it for Chase.

“Chase…please,” she panted.

“I know,” he breathed against her mouth, shifting his weight again, and the movement brought his hips into the perfect nook of her thighs. Instinctively, she arched her body toward him, seeking him out.

He lifted his hips off her, pulling back slightly as he brought his hands to the side of her face.

“Can we just…I want to…” he said through his labored breathing, and Andie nodded gently.

“Slow,” she whispered, understanding what he wanted.

He nodded, brushing the hair away from her eyes, and he saw the need there, saw his own overwhelming desire mirrored in her expression.

“Slow,” he repeated softly, bringing his hands to her face, and with one final breath to steady himself, he gently brought his body back to hers.

He thought he would have to concentrate on pacing himself, on controlling himself, but when she arched toward him, breathing his name as she took him into her body, he knew there was no way he would ever want to rush this.

He was instantly and completely overcome by her, and he welcomed it, letting the woman beneath him consume his very existence.

Her breath. Her sounds. Her body hugging him perfectly. The incredible friction. His name falling from her lips. Her hands on him, pulling him closer. The scent of her on his sheets. On his skin. Her hair fanned over his pillow. The rolling of her hips. The heat. The slow, building ache. Smooth. Slick. Soft.

Perfect.

Every other sexual experience he’d had before this seemed like a fraud, like he’d been settling his whole life without knowing it; he thought he had understood, he thought he’d known what it meant to experience a woman, but Chase realized then that he had no idea what intimacy felt like until this moment.

It wasn’t long before he felt her thighs tighten around his hips, and he lifted his head from her shoulder, knowing what her body was telling him.

“Oh God, Chase,” she whispered softly as her head fell back.

He brought his hands to the mattress and lifted himself up, wanting to take in every second of what he knew was about to happen, and the shift in his position was all it took to push her over the edge.

Chase could feel it begin as the first cry left her mouth, and all the breath left his body in a soft rush as he watched her, her hand gripping the pillow beside her head as the other clutched at his back, her body arching up as the most beautiful sounds fell from her parted lips, swirling through him and in him and around him so that it took everything he had just to keep moving above her.

He had never seen anything so beautiful in his entire life.

And when her body finally began to relax beneath him, when her hand went slack on the pillow and her eyes fell closed, he watched a lazy smile curve the corners of her mouth as a breathy laugh fell from her lips, and he couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face over the fact that he was the one who had made her feel that way.

And even though Chase was close, he forced himself to slow down, wanting to give her an opportunity to recover; almost instantly, Andie surprised him by sitting up and shifting their weight until his back hit the mattress behind them.

She climbed on top of him then, their bodies reconnecting as she sat up, and Chase looked up at her in awe as she started to move.

“Jesus, Andie,” he breathed. It was too much, seeing her above him this way, feeling the way she manipulated his body with her own. He sat up quickly, pressing his face into her neck as he went over the edge, groaning softly against her skin. She buried her face in his hair, continuing to move against him until she knew he was completely spent. As the rolling of her body gradually slowed, he felt her trail the tips of her fingers down the back of his neck.

“Chase,” she whispered softly against the crown of his head, pressing her lips into his hair, and he tightened his arms around her as he fell back onto the bed, taking her with him.

The room was filled with the soft, rasping sounds of their labored breathing as they slowly came down, and he brought his hand to her hair, gently holding her head against his chest.

His heart was racing, and he wanted her to hear it.

And he wanted her to know that from here on out, it beat solely for her.