Eclipse of the Heart

chapter 24

Amanda took Friday off from work to see her doctor for some testing. She had to figure out what was causing her exhaustion and overall poor health. She was sitting in the waiting room, paging through a copy of Yankee magazine, when her phone rang.

She hoped it was Logan, but it turned out to be Josh.

"Hey," she said, "did everything go well?"

"You haven't heard?" Josh sounded stunned. "I'm only calling to tell you the dinner is off."

"The dinner? Oh, you mean tonight." A flicker of curiosity lit up a remote area of her brain, but was blown out when a scrawny nurse with a booming voice called out her name.

"I have to go, Josh. I'll talk to you later." Amanda shut off her phone and dropped it in her purse. A niggle of worry about her health wiped out Josh's announcement.

But nothing could have prepared her for the shocking news she got from her doctor. Like other overworked doctors these days, he was curt, speaking the bare minimum so he could move on to the next patient. Before she could absorb the news, the appointment had ended and she was stumbling out, blind to everything. Somehow, she got herself into the elevator, and through the lobby without having any idea how she reached the outdoors.

She began walking, following some instinct that told her to go home. She walked and walked, oblivious to passers-by who crowded her or bumped her. She stopped when the crowd stopped, walked when they walked, and so she made it home without walking blindly into the street and being run over by a car.

As she climbed the stairs, each step required a bigger effort than the one before. Adrenaline had carried her this far, but her momentum was fading. When she reached her apartment, she'd have nothing to do but face her momentously altered future.

As soon as the doctor had raised the possibility, she'd known the truth. She'd denied it to herself. She'd refused the test. But she knew.

She threw herself onto the bed in her shade-darkened bedroom, and lay there, trying not to think, giving herself one day to pretend that this wasn't happening.

When Saturday morning dawned, she knew she had to start her new life. She plodded to the drugstore, came home with a white paper bag and shut herself in the bathroom.

Then, with trembling hands, she called Rosie.

Rosie was at her door thirty minutes later.

"What happened?" Rosie launched herself across the room to wrap Amanda in a big bear hug. "Tell me this is all a practical joke."

"I don't know how it happened," Amanda wailed.

Rosie pulled back to look her in the face. "Amanda, you are sleeping with him."

"Barely! And we always use birth control!"

"I'm going to let the 'barely' comment just slide on by." Rosie waved a hand as if to speed it on its way. "But tell me, do you know of a birth control method that's one hundred percent effective?"

"Those effectiveness numbers are distorted by people who don't use their birth control correctly."

Rosie shrugged, but her eyes were kind as she stepped back. "Look, it doesn't matter how it happened, right? The question is, what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know!" Amanda clasped her hands together over her belly. "I can't be pregnant!"

"Well," Rosie said, "that's one approach."

She placed a bag from Dean and Deluca on the coffee table and opened it to pull out a tin of their Jasmine Pearl tea. "I grabbed some treats I had on hand."

Amanda covered her face with her hands. "I know I'm being stupid, but it's such an unbelievable shock. How can I tell my mother?"

"She'll understand. Things happen."

"She already has so many worries about my sister. I can't add to them."

"You can't hide a pregnancy for long. Unless—" Rosie stopped taking stuff out of the bag to glance at Amanda. "Are you thinking of abortion?"

"No! Absolutely not." The words burst out of Amanda, but she knew they were true as soon as she said them. The thought of abortion might have tiptoed around the edges of her mind, but when spoken aloud, she knew it simply was not the right choice for her.

"In that case, you need to start planning for the future. What does Logan say?"

"He doesn't know! You can't tell him Rosie! You can't tell anyone!"

"You're going to give up your job?"

"No, of course not. I'll need it more than ever."

"Well then, how are you plannin' to hide this news from him, or anyone else?" Rosie waved a little parcel of sugar twigs, tied up with a brown bow. "Aren't these cute?"

"Would you be serious?"

"You're the one who's not facin' reality right now." Rosie dropped the twigs back in the bag. "Are you sure Logan wouldn't respond favorably to this news?"

"Are you kidding?" The little shriek at the end of her words was not appealing. Amanda took a breath.

"Sometimes, he shows a surprisingly warm side," Rosie said. "I didn't see it at first, but my aunt was right. He's not a machine."

"Close enough." Amanda gave a harsh laugh. "As far as I know, he sprang from an egg, fully grown, the man we see today. He has no family, no photos in his apartment, and, believe me, no desire for children of his own. He's been very clear on that subject."

"I see." Rosie frowned. "At a minimum, I'm sure he'd support the child."

"You're not listening to me! He can't know!"

"Hey." Rosie walked over and put her arm around Amanda. "Have you eaten today?"

"No appetite."

"I'm going to make you some tea and toast. Then we'll talk about what to do."

A half hour later, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, Amanda did feel marginally better. She almost smiled at the silly stick with swirled sugar clinging to the bottom which Rosie dipped into her hot tea.

"That is totally ridiculous, Rosie."

"I know." Rosie's wide grin lit up the kitchen. "That's what makes it fun. Go on, try the toast."

"Maybe in a little while." Amanda stared glumly into her tea.

"Don't worry so much." Rosie patted her hand. "Everything will work out. You'll see."

"You know the stats on single motherhood?"

"You'll prove 'em wrong. Besides, I still think you should let Logan help. I don't think he's as heartless as you're makin' him out to be."

"His core is cold, Rosie. I could never expose my child to that."

"I think you're wrong," Rosie said stubbornly. "He may not be a demonstrative man, I'll give you that, but he's not cold."

Amanda knew she had to change the subject. She couldn't let herself be sucked into any fantasies of Logan being involved in this new chapter of her life. That could only lead to more heartache when he disappointed her. Realistically, she'd have to tell him at some point. But she wouldn't do so until she had everything organized and under control. At that time, she'd be totally clear that he had no obligation to her or the child.

"Promise me, Rosie, that you won't tell anyone."

"I think you're makin' a mistake, but fine."

Loneliness swept over her when Rosie left, but when the doorbell rang shortly after her departure, Amanda thought about ignoring it. There wasn't anyone she wanted to see, especially not in this half-tearful, half-panicked state she was in.

Then she realized Rosie must have forgotten something. Amanda yanked a tissue out of the box on the table, and shuffled over to the door, just as the bell pealed again, a long and loud note that somehow sounded angry.

She put her eye to the peephole.

Logan?

In shock, she opened the door. Had he heard? Rosie hadn't rushed out and called him, had she?

One look at his furious face and Amanda's heart notched up to a higher rate. Yes, he must have discovered the news somehow. She'd never seen this kind of emotion from him. But she'd wait for an explanation before blaming Rosie. Not that anyone else knew—

He strode through the door, gripping a laptop under one arm. Amanda closed the door behind him, wondering vaguely about the computer. Had he come from the office? When he dumped it on the coffee table and straightened up, glaring at her, everything flew out of her head but one thought. He looked mad enough to kill.

"Now I understand," he said in a lethal voice, "why you didn't bother to come in to work yesterday."

Her mind reeled. He even knew she'd been to the doctor's yesterday? That made no sense.

"Did you think," he asked, his voice low and throbbing with anger, "that I would never find out?"

She shook her head. No words came to mind. Of course he would have found out, as much as she'd tried to pretend otherwise with Rosie. But not like this, in whatever unfortunate way someone had told him. A small part of her brain was struggling to figure out who might know, but the major part of her knew she had to pay attention.

"It was an accident," she managed.

"An accident?" He grabbed his computer and flipped open the top. "Don't insult my intelligence. You knew perfectly well what you were doing."

"So did you!" She blew her nose.

"Quit crying!" he shouted. "I have no sympathy for you. In fact, I'm ashamed and disgusted by what you've done. You're fired and no tears will change that."

"Don't think for one minute I'm crying over you! Good riddance to you."

"Very mature," he snapped. "You could have chosen a better way to get rid of me. Do you know how serious the consequences of your behavior will be?"

"My behavior? Do I know about the consequences?" For a long moment, she thought she might go off in hysteria like a nineteenth century maiden. How had she landed in this cliché? Pregnant by a man who not only accepted no responsibility, but who also was furious with her, as if it were entirely her fault. Forget the nineteenth century. She should be thinking of cave man days since she was dealing with a Neanderthal.

"What about you?" she said. "You don't have any responsibility for this mess?"

He jerked up his head to stare at her. "What are you talking about? How in the world could you blame me?"

She burst into laughter. The hysterical note she'd been afraid of echoed through the laugh, but she was helpless to stop. If she'd ever wondered whether a relationship with him were possible, she had her answer now.

"Guess what, Logan?" She stepped closer, and poked a finger into his chest. "I am not one of your prostitutes. We may not have a relationship, but it takes two to tango and you don't get to pretend you had nothing to do with it."

"Are you talking about sex?" He batted away her hand. "This was payback to me? Because I wouldn't have a relationship with you?" He shook his head. "Damn. You women are all the same. I told you right from the beginning that I only wanted sex."

"Guess what? Your fine words don't absolve you now."

"Jesus." He grabbed the laptop and began tapping on the keys. "How is any of this my responsibility?"

An email filled the screen. Logan pointed to it. "A computerized trail is as damning as a paper one."

Amanda frowned. Why were they looking at emails?

"What is this?" Her body felt stiff, as if it were preparing to ward off a blow.

"Your note to Mrs. Molloy," he said curtly. "The one where you tell her we're not interested in pursuing a deal with them due to her disability. I'm sure you haven't forgotten it."

His finger stabbed at the damning words:

Mrs. Molloy, I'm sympathetic to your disability. However, your insistence on remaining in a management role after a purchase convinces us that we should not move forward. We cannot have a seriously ill executive in charge of one of our companies. Daily Eats would need to undergo a significant turnaround to be profitable enough to interest Winter Enterprises, and this would require new management.

Amanda had to stop reading as the ugly words rolled around in her brain. Why did Logan think she'd sent this note?

"You think I wrote that?" Her finger shook as she pointed at the screen. "Is that what you think of me?"

"Look at the email address," he said, with disgust in his tone. "Who's it from?"

She grabbed the monitor. Damn. The note had been sent from her work email account.

Her stomach roiled with nausea. "I never wrote that," she said.

Logan gave her a disgusted look. "Do you know how hard I've worked to build my company? Do you know how close you've come to destroying it all?" He held up his hand, with all five fingers extended.

She shook her head numbly, but he ignored the motion.

"Number one." He folded in his thumb. "My public offering was canceled."

Amanda sucked in a sharp breath. She hadn't given another thought to the dinner that Josh had told her had been canceled last night. No wonder Logan was furious.

"Number two." Logan's forefinger joined the thumb. "Since the public sale didn't take place, my good friend didn't get the money he needed, and which I promised to him."

"Number three." His middle finger toppled. "Now I'm forced to try to get a loan to help my friend save his home."

"Number four." His ring finger folded down. "The Molloys are furious, and rightly so. They've filed a discrimination lawsuit against me. I can scarcely blame them."

"Stop." Amanda held up her own hand, unable to listen to any more. Even worse, she'd just had a terrible realization. He hadn't heard about the pregnancy. Number five was the disaster he didn't know about yet.

"Stop?" He glared at her. "You don't want to hear the consequences of your actions? Too damn bad."

"You're pretty quick to judge me," she said.

"The evidence speaks for itself!"

"What evidence? I did not send that note."

"Should I say nice try?" Logan shook his head. "You can plainly see that you're the author." He gestured to the screen.

"I—"

"Don't try to defend yourself," he interrupted. "I already did that. I was fool enough to think you couldn't have done it. I didn't want to believe you would be so heartless." He paused, and Amanda tensed for the final blow she could see he planned to deliver.

Logan blew out a disgusted breath. "I had one of the IT guys confirm that it came, not just from your email, but from your office computer."

Amanda could only stare. Why would someone have done this to her? More importantly, who had done this to her? She needed to find out. Now.

She looked down at her frumpy sweats. She needed to take a shower, get dressed and head for the office—

A new horror slammed over her. She'd been fired. How had she managed to forget that already? She couldn't go into the office and talk to the IT people, or anyone else who might help her figure out what had happened. Even worse, she'd lost her health insurance, and her paycheck, two things she needed more than ever.

"You can't fire me," she said.

Logan didn't even hesitate over the change in the topic. "Thanks to you," he snarled, "I still own one hundred percent of the company. I can do whatever I want."

She rubbed her forehead, wishing she could think clearly. Too much was coming at her to sort out the critical from the merely awful.

"Wait a minute." She looked up at Logan. "No one would cancel a public offering over a letter like that." She pointed at his computer. "What else happened?"

He pressed his lips together. "That's not the point."

"It certainly is. Two of the four things I'm alleged to have done to ruin you are related to that public offering. What else happened?"

He sat down abruptly on her sofa and pushed a hand through his hair. "If you must know, Phoebe Cattus was running an escort service out of the office. The news broke Friday morning."

Amanda slid bonelessly onto a chair facing him. "Wow."

Something niggled at the back of her brain, but she couldn't tease it out yet. "That was enough to derail the offering?"

A tinge of red appeared on his cheekbones. "There was more, but that was the gist of it."

More? Amanda studied him for a minute before the light went on. Someone had discovered that he used an escort service. Maybe the same one.

"No," he said, "not hers. Give me credit for some taste."

With a big effort, she resisted rolling her eyes. "Sooo…" She drew out the word. "Is it my fault that the use of escort services torpedoed your public offering?"

"Phoebe was clever," he admitted. "She told me she'd get back at me for firing her. She held a press conference at 8 o'clock yesterday morning. Plenty of time for the blogging world to pick up the news before the stock exchange opened."

"When did you find out about the discrimination lawsuit?"

"Those papers were filed Thursday afternoon. We spent all of Thursday night trying to contain the fallout from that."

"Really?" Amanda raised her eyebrows. "You don't think that's too much of a coincidence? Phoebe Cattus is involved in both of the actions that derailed your public offering."

"Don't be paranoid. How would she get access to your computer?"

"I don't know." Amanda sneezed. "But I do know I did not write that note. Think about it. I have a sister disabled from a serious disease. Would I hurt another person with those words? Furthermore, I would never close down any deal on my own authority. Least of all this deal." Her words rolled around in her head, taunting her. "This was the company I wanted to run," she said sadly. "Didn't you know that?"

He shrugged. "I thought you'd changed your mind."

"Why?"

He closed his laptop, as if giving her notice that her time had run out. "Managing Daily Eats would have required a move to Philadelphia," he said. "I thought maybe you'd decided you didn't want to move and figured the best way to eliminate the opportunity would be to sabotage the deal."

"Excuse me," she said carefully. "What made you think I wouldn't want to move?"

He stretched his long legs out in front of him and seemed to study his toes. "Hell. I was a damn fool."

"Yes, we've established that. But I still don't know why you thought I wouldn't move to Philadelphia."

His gaze snapped to her face. "I thought you might have been hoping for a relationship with me."

Her mouth opened. Actually fell open in shock. All this time she'd been thinking she'd hidden her feelings. She was as much of a fool as he was.

Then another thought sideswiped her. The pregnancy. For a few minutes, she'd managed to forget that calamity again.

How was she ever going to tell him about the pregnancy?

Given what he'd just said, he would be sure to think she'd tried to trap him.

Logan frowned, as if he'd been listening to her thoughts. "Why were you carrying on about this being my fault?"

"Why did you say you knew why I didn't come into work yesterday?" she countered. "I didn't know about this lawsuit."

"Josh didn't warn you the offering had been pulled?"

"Uh—" At her hesitation, a cynical look entered his eyes.

"He called," she said quickly. "But only to tell me the dinner was off."

"He didn't tell you why? You didn't ask?" Logan shook his head. "Come on, Amanda. You're not stupid."

She couldn't even take comfort from that backhanded compliment. The father of her child didn't think she was dumb, but he despised her.

She took a deep breath, trying to crowd out the dread that crept through every cell of her body. She had to tell him and get it over with. There was no point in thinking he might be more receptive to the news if he were in a better mood, because he was never going to be in a better mood with her.

"I didn't ask Josh for any details because I was in the doctor's office when he called." She swallowed. This was going to be hard, very hard.

"I'm sorry you're sick." The words were perfunctory. He stood up, clearly intending to leave.

"I'm not exactly sick." She heard the note of desperation in her voice. She had to tell him before he left because, in the back of her mind, a plan was forming. He wouldn't fire her if she were pregnant.

Would he?

She had to have that job. Even if Daily Eats were a lost cause, and she would get to the bottom of who'd sent that note if it was the last thing she ever did, she still needed an income and health insurance. Her baby was more important than her pride.

She opened her mouth, and the words finally spilled out. "I'm pregnant."