Drowning to Breathe

Nerves rushed me again.

The only nights I’d ever spent without her had been the two Martin had had her in his clutches. Just the thought of leaving my baby girl now terrified me, something innate within me warning Martin was still out there, waiting for the next opportunity to strike.

But even without that threat, I’d still worry.

This was my daughter we were talking about.

April crossed her arms and huffed.

Charlie chuckled.

“She’s going to be fine, Shea Bear,” he encouraged with his hands stuffed in his pockets. He cast a slight grin my daughter’s way. “You really think we’re gonna let a single thing go wrong when we have this little one in our care? Not a chance. Now go. Have fun. Live it up a little. Act your age. Las Vegas is calling your name.”

It wasn’t Las Vegas calling my name.

It was Sebastian Stone.

My eyes drifted to my daughter again. Hesitation pressed at my ribs.

With a wide smile, she flashed me a row of tiny teeth. “Momma…you have to go or my daddy is gonna be way, way, WAY sad if he doesn’t get his burfday surprise and you got to give him his present for me.”

She said it with all her country flourish and little girl slur, the words rushed and jumbled with excitement.

She took a step forward, shoved the lanky stuffed brown monkey my direction.

She’d seen it in the window of a boutique shop near our house and insisted he would love it, declaring monkeys are his favorite as she’d rambled on about the green monkey tattooed on his side. Of course my sweet daughter had no idea the significance of the ink he’d permanently etched across his ribs, a reminder of a life he would never forget, the love of a brother he’d lost too soon.

Accepting it from her, I hugged it to my chest. “He’s going to love it, Butterfly.”

He would. I knew he would. Simply because it was a gesture from her pure, innocent heart.

Her smile grew and she swayed a little wider as a giggle erupted from within her.

“We have her,” April promised as she set a palm on Kallie’s head.

“Yes, we do,” Tamar added as she tossed a sly wink at my daughter. “We have nonstop fun planned for this little one. We’re gettin’ our girl on and are getting manis and pedis and are having us a pajama party, aren’t we, Kallie?”

Kallie jumped around. “Yes! Yes! Yes! I can’t wait. We’re gonna have so, so much fun and I’m gonna stay up all night until the sun comes up and have popcorn and watch all my movies and Auntie April and Auntie Tamar are gonna stay up all night, too.”

I held my laughter. Someone was a little excited.

“Don’t have too much fun without me,” I told her playfully as I brushed the back of my fingers down her soft cheek.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be having enough fun for all of us.” This time the wink Tamar tossed was at me, innuendo thick.

My stomach tightened in anticipation. The truth was, I couldn’t wait to get to him. Being without him was getting harder and harder every day.

April burst out laughing. “Oh, there is no question about that.”

Picking up Kallie, I hugged her tight and whispered in her ear. “I’ll see you in two days. Be a good girl while Momma is gone, okay? I’ll be thinking of you every second. I love you so much.”

“I know, Momma. I love you more than the whole wide world.” She squeezed my neck, her stuffed butterfly pressing into my face, my emotions on overload with my own excitement mixed with the flickers of fear from entrusting her to someone else’s care.

I set her down and passed out quick kisses to each member of my unconventional family. Those who again stood at my side, helping me surprise Sebastian on his birthday while the band played a show in Las Vegas. The short four-week tour was more than halfway in, and Sebastian and I had plans for Kallie and I to go to California as soon as they were finished.

But I couldn’t wait that long.

A. L. Jackson's books