He shook his head. “I know you’re dying to launch into me, Baz.”
He held out the joint, twisting it around to draw attention. “Tell me I shouldn’t be up here indulging. But I just walked in on three chicks doing lines off each other.” He chuckled darkly and spears of fear pierced me. “Pretty sure you’d agree this was the better alternative.”
Fucking Ash.
This shit had to stop. I did my best to keep Austin clear, hide him away from all the garbage that went down, but it was impossible when he was thrown right in the middle of it.
None of us should have been around it.
Not after Austin’s overdose.
Not after losing Mark.
This was nothing less than an insult.
A disregard.
And it wasn’t as if we were welcoming it. It just always came with the territory.
The bullshit side of this life I no longer knew how to handle.
My shoulders bunched. “I’ll kick them out. Get rid of everyone. You don’t need to deal with this shit.”
“But that’s the thing, I need to deal with something, Baz. You don’t get it. All this protecting you do. I’ve got to figure this out for myself or I’m not ever going to make it.”
My hand went to his neck, and I squeezed. “Yes, you are. I’m not going to let you fail.”
He cut his face to me, grey eyes pinned on mine.
Intent.
Open.
Hopeful but resigned to what he didn’t know how to control.
The kid hardly looked like a kid anymore.
Words broke on the emotion. “I have to be the one responsible for not failing, Baz. I’ve failed everyone. Julian. Mom and Dad. You. Mark.” He swallowed hard. “If I’m going to live, then I need to figure out how not to fail myself. You can’t keep saving me.”
Mark.
Fear struck me again, and I tightened my hand that rested on the back of my brother’s neck. “After my court appearance this afternoon, Jennings followed me out to my truck. Started tossing out a bunch of garbage about Shea…about Mark.”
I stated it like the question it was. What the fuck is going on? Do you know?
God, what I wouldn’t give to know why Jennings had been coming off our bus that night. But Austin had sworn he had no clue, that he’d texted for the pills and it was Jennings who’d shown up rather than one of the scumbags the asshole normally had doing his bidding. Woke up the next day in the hospital.
Every inch of him stiffened, and he dropped his attention to the shadows playing from the tree branches against the roof before he finally looked at me. “You’re done, right? You signed the plea?”
“Yeah. It’s done.”
He nodded harshly. “Good. Just stay away from him, Baz. Take Shea and Kallie and get as far away as you can. Put all of that behind you.”
Resentment seeped from my pores. “Don’t think that’s going to be possible.”
We all knew we hadn’t seen the last of Jennings.
Austin pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. Rocking. Scared. Words a plea. “If I could take it all back, you know I would, right, Baz?”
“Take what back?”
“All of it…all the way back to the day I ruined both our lives. Every mistake I’ve made since. I fucked everything up. Fucked it up bad.”
I gripped his neck again, trying to get him to look at me. “You didn’t ruin our lives, Austin.”
“Stop making excuses for me. I took Julian’s and I’ve done nothing but ruin lives since.”
God, when was this kid gonna see it wasn’t him? That it was me. I’d been the one responsible. The one who was supposed to be watching them instead of fucking around with some girl.
My fault.
But he still couldn’t see it.
My phone started ringing in my pocket again. My heart rate ramped up with the thought of it being Shea, before it went hard when our father’s number again marred the screen.
Damn it.
Austin caught it before I could hide it.