Drowning to Breathe

Hurt blazed from his skin as self-deprecating laughter trembled out. “See what I mean? I’m still ruining everything. What’s he want? More money? To keep holding something you didn’t do over your head?”


Shaking his head, he frantically stubbed out the joint and scrambled to stand. “Fuck him and fuck this. I’m going to bed.”

Jaw clenched, I killed the call, listened to the cackle of laughter floating up from below, the retreating of Austin’s footsteps.

That whole feeling I was being torn in two?

I got the sick feeling my world was about to come apart.

Finally I tore myself from my spot and back into the house. I didn’t even consider joining the party. I headed upstairs toward my room.

Lyrik was just starting down as I approached the top of the landing. He cocked me a smirk. “Hiding now, are we?”

“How’d you know?” I tossed him a guilty grin.

He laughed, rubbed tattooed fingers over his chin. “Because I know you. Known you most of my damned life. Whatever you wanted? You were all in. Fighting for it with all you have.” He tilted his head toward the stairs. “And I know you don’t want that anymore. Not all that hard to figure out.”

Unease shifted my feet, and I glanced away before I gained the courage to look back at him.

“Don’t sweat it, man,” he said. “Maybe you didn’t know it, but you were always looking for something. You found it in Shea.”

I stared at one of my oldest friends. Knowing he got me. That just like the rest of the guys, they’d take up my side, no matter what it was I asked of them.

Just like I had to do for them.

He lifted his chin in parting and bounded downstairs.

Feeling emotionally exhausted, I hauled myself to the end of the hall and entered through the double doors set across from Austin’s room. They led into the master suite. Inside, the room was dark and void. More so with the party playing on from below.

Thank God it was Monday and Shea was off. I fell into the center of my bed, pulling my phone from my jeans pocket. I dialed my girl.

It took her a couple of rings to answer.

“Sebastian.”

Relief hit me hard when I heard that sweet, seductive voice come across the line. My spirit did some crazy thing, something physical, a whole-body tremble that started from within.

“Shea, baby, miss you so bad.”

A soft giggle rolled from her. “I think these have been the longest five days of my life.” Her voice quieted. “And we’re just getting started.”

She was right. The coming four weeks would be excruciating.

“It’ll go by fast,” I promised.

“Says the guy who’s going to be out on the road in front of his fans night after night with endless parties to keep him entertained, while he leaves his girlfriend bored out of her mind and alone all the way across the country.”

It was a sulk filled with pure tease. I could picture those full lips pulling into a sultry pout, and I tried to stop my thoughts from rushing south, right along with my blood.

Laughing lightly, I rolled onto my side. “Hardly. After being on that bus for a few days, I’ll probably be hitchhiking my way back to you. I’ll be riding shotgun in some big rig, giving him a sob story about my girl I left behind and how I have to make it back to her.”

“Mmm…I like the sound of that. Just watch out for the creepers.”

A warm chuckle flowed from my lips. “Nothin’ to worry about, baby. Don’t you think I look like I can take care of myself?”

She giggled. “Oh, I’m sure you can. I have seen you in action before. Unless someone has a death wish, no one is going to stand in your way.”

I could almost see the roll of her eyes, before an edge of seriousness wove into her tone. “So…how did everything go today? You’re finished?”

“I’m done.” Tried to keep it out, but I knew she didn’t miss the shot of anger that found its way into my answer.

She wavered, before she whispered, “Was Martin there?”

I pushed out a strained sigh. “Yeah. He was there.”

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