Drowning to Breathe

“Bathroom’s there.” Ash pointed to the en suite. “Austin’s room is directly across the hall and I’m the first on the left, so I’m right here if you need anything.”


More hesitation, before he blew out a strained breath toward the ceiling, then looked back at me. “Baz had been clearing out Mark’s room for Kallie…it’s down the opposite hall, last door on the right. Kallie’s welcome to stay in there. Not sure with everything if you two want to be separated and it’s still a fuckin’ mess, but it’s there if you want it. We can help clear it out if you want us to. Nobody’s been up to finishing the job.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

He twisted his mouth to the side. “You’re welcome.”

He sidestepped me, and I shifted, moving deeper into Sebastian’s room to give him room to pass. At the doorway, he paused with his back to me, before he slowly turned around. “Want you to know you’re welcome here, Shea. This is your home now, for as long as you want it to be, no matter what goes down with Baz.”

Tears resurfaced in my eyes, because it was so overwhelming, the loss and the love and the unwavering support they showed for each other.

“You’re family now.” He rapped his knuckles on the doorjamb, as if he were driving home the point.

Then he disappeared through the doorway and left me to the startling loneliness. You’d think it would be impossible for something so barren to feel so alive.

Lost, I wandered to the bed, fingertips tracing along the sheets long since cold, and I gathered up the blanket and pressed it to my nose to take in more of him.

Sebastian.

I wanted to be angry. Curse him for being so reckless.

But I saw him for who he was.

A guardian.

Unsettled, I looked around the empty room, knowing I couldn’t sit idle. That I had to do something.

The nerves skittering through me promised it was to fight.

I stepped out into the empty hall, somehow drawn toward Mark’s room.

Yesterday, Sebastian and I had been texting on and off. Even with the burden of Martin on our shoulders, we’d been excited, flirting and teasing and playing while we anticipated being together again.

The last text I’d received from him had been filled with the same kind of thrill.

Score. Found Kallie all kinds of cute shit for her room. Going to have it ready to surprise her tomorrow. Can’t wait to see her face. Getting to work. Love you.

No warning or indication of anything amiss.

Fingertips fluttering along the wall, I slowly edged in the direction of Mark’s room as Ash had instructed. Silence echoed back, as if the massive house held still, whispering a hushed warning. My steps slowed in apprehension as I traversed the landing and crossed into the opposite hall.

At the end of it, a pile of shopping bags sat outside the room. I crept closer. The door stood wide open. Holding onto the wall, I peeked around the corner and inside.

A mountain of clothes were piled in the middle of the floor, and a few black garbage bags sat at the end of the bed stuffed full and tied off with a knot.

Warily, I stepped inside. My heart rate sped.

Muted light glowed through the gaps in the blinds, a thick coat of dust covering everything, the sober energy in here dampened even more than throughout the rest of the house.

It must have been so difficult for Sebastian to come in here, my brave, beautiful man.

My eyes jumped around, trying to latch onto something, a feeling or a vibe or the heart of Sebastian that had sent him running from here and into the grips of Martin.

Crossing the room to the desk, I ran my fingers over the few pictures left cluttering the surface, as if those were the things Sebastian couldn’t bear to part with. A feeling of sorrow captured my spirit as I strayed into the void Mark’s tragedy had left behind. Heaviness weighing me down, I turned from the desk and eased around the pile of clothes, my attention hooking on the yawning closet where a single light still burned from within.

I peered inside. The rods and half the shelves had been cleared out.

Unease trickled into my senses.

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