Drowning to Breathe

All the guys adored her.

Would it be strange staying with them at the Sunder house while Sebastian and I figured things out? Should I be worried I was bringing her into a household of revelry and overindulgence, exposing her to things she shouldn’t see?

On some level, yes, but on a higher level, no. Because Sebastian said the guys were ready. They were on board with a new set of rules. Ones they’d promised to uphold for the sake of my little girl.

And if we did decide to stay in L.A., we wouldn’t be staying in that house for long.

It’d be temporary until we found a new home. New walls to create a million treasured memories. New floors to build a beautiful, breathtaking life.

I had faith in at all.

That my precious daughter would end up where she should be. With Sebastian and me. In a family that loved her above all else. Where Sebastian and I loved each other just as much. An indestructible foundation that could never be collapsed or defeated.

A tease slipped into my words. “I’m sure we could put some work in on wrapping one of them around your finger. None of the guys are all that bad to look at.”

Understatement of the year. Each of them had their own special lure, an appeal of their own.

She huffed. “Um…no…and thank you. I do believe I prefer my boys a little tamer. If I don’t find him in the library, then I don’t want him.”

I grinned. “Come on…don’t you want to add some excitement into your life?”

Her brows disappeared behind her blunted bangs. “You mean trouble?”

I laughed outright. My best friend was spot on.

My cell rang from my bedroom. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to grab that.”

“No problem. Kallie and I will keep doing our thing, won’t we, Butterfly?”

“Yep!” she said from her perch on the floor, shoving as many books into her bag as she could.

I let my fingertips glide over the top of her head as I passed, a gentle, I love you, because you could never have too many.

I rushed to my room. A small frown formed when I saw Lyrik’s number lighting up the screen, and I felt an unanticipated tremor rumble under my feet.

“Hello?” I answered, both hesitantly and urgently.

“Shea.”

Just the tone of his voice dropped me to my knees.




Kallie and I touched down in California late Saturday afternoon. Anthony picked us up at the airport and drove us toward Sebastian’s house in the Hollywood Hills.

My forehead rolled against the window, and I stared out at the city that blinked by unseen, a desolate blur of gray and color and pavement that whirled together to form a darkened cloud.

My baby girl sat behind me in her booster, her gaze also tuned to the city that whizzed by, but her constant curiosity and fascinated questions were absent from her tongue.

Everywhere hurt—my head and my stomach and this aching in my chest that made me feel as if I couldn’t breathe.

My lungs collapsed.

Right under the rubble that had become my life.

Why did he do it?

An unbearable silence filled up the confines of the car. Questions that begged to be asked were locked up with grief and the wrenching knowledge that none of us had answers.

The mood was such a contradiction to what I’d imagined less than twenty-four hours ago. Instead of the happy homecoming with laughter and kisses and thrumming, ecstatic hearts, I felt as if mine were being crushed.

I pressed my hand to my stomach and tried to still the turmoil, the hollowed out sickness that moaned from within.

Simple, simple dreams.

Why, Sebastian?

Why?

Hesitation rippled through the silence, and I could feel the overt worry in Anthony’s gaze as he quickly cut his eyes my way then back to the road again. Finally he spoke, his tone laden with concern. “I didn’t know if you would come.”

A. L. Jackson's books