chapter 23
Tony watched Linda as she slept. She lay next to him, her body shimmering with sweat, her nipples soft and relaxed. Over the past few days, she’d refused to give up on him. She’d visited him in lockup and then the infirmary, then tracked him to the house on Tortuga Boulevard. Finally, she’d brought him here, to her childhood home, to recuperate in safety.
And she’d done all those thing because, despite everything, she believed in him.
The question was what they were going to do now.
Beside him, Linda stirred. Opened her eyes and looked at him.
“Sleep,” Tony whispered.
She smiled, blinked her eyes open and shifted to a sitting position. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I need to hear the truth. The full truth. Please, Tony. If you love me, if I ever meant anything to you, please tell me the truth now.”
Staring into her beautiful green eyes, he felt the moment it happened. He accepted the inevitable. No matter what rumors were spread, no matter what people thought of him, Linda would never believe he had turned so completely dark. Men had threatened her life. A reporter was threatening her career. He couldn’t keep her safe if he kept her ignorant.
And whatever he did, he had to keep her safe.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” he asked, wrapping a strand of her hair around his finger.
“Tell me.” Linda’s voice was firm. Unrelenting. She wouldn’t let go of this, and ultimately, she was right not to. Too much time had passed for this secret to stay between them.
He pressed a brief kiss against her forehead, and then spoke. “After you dumped me—”
She winced and he changed gears. “After we broke up, it was so damn hard to know you were close, that you and Mattie were friends, but that I didn’t get to be part of your life. It was better than nothing, though. It was some kind of connection with you. Then eighteen months ago, because of what happened with Sabon, Mattie, Dom Jeffries and I entered the WITSEC program. You need to know how hard that was for me. Leaving you so completely. Even though we’d broken up, you were the one good thing besides Mattie I’d ever had.”
“Oh, Tony,” she said sadly.
He shook his head. “I know you did what you thought you had to. Whether I took the drugs or not afterward, I wanted to that night. You were right about that. It didn’t start out that way. I was cocky. Trying to prove something. It was a tough lesson to learn. To accept just how weak I was, when I’d thought I’d gotten stronger. I had the lesson slammed home again when Guapo’s men went after you and Mattie. You were hurt. She was hurt.”
“That wasn’t your fault—”
“Please, Linda. Just let me say this.”
“Okay.”
“You were both hurt. It wasn’t technically my fault, but I didn’t do anything to stop it, either. Granted, I wasn’t there in the parking lot the night you were attacked, but when Mattie was attacked? That’s a different story.”
“How?”
“Dom’s cop friend, the one that was dirty, took her to Michael Sabon. He wanted her to tell Sabon that I was the informant. I figured out what was happening and called Dom. I figured Sabon would be at this old warehouse by the river, and I was right. I took Dom there. While Dom was fighting with the cop, I had a chance to save Mattie. Only I failed. Michael Sabon overpowered me. He knocked my gun away, the gun Dom had given me to protect myself. And Sabon almost killed Mattie. But first he was going to rape her. Only she didn’t let him. She fought back. She was the one who killed Sabon, not me. If she hadn’t gotten away and gotten to the gun...if she hadn’t shot him...”
“But she did get away. She did shoot him. And you can’t blame yourself for what happened. You’re a good man. Strong. But you’re not a cop. You weren’t trained to handle that kind of thing...”
“I’d started the training.”
Her expression contorted with confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I’d started the police academy. Before I ever informed on Guapo. I was a few months short of graduating when Sabon attacked Mattie.”
“But how? How could Mattie keep something like that a secret from me?”
“She didn’t know, Linda. I didn’t tell anyone.”
“Why?”
“Because I’d failed at so many things before that. I didn’t know if I’d fail at that, too. I didn’t want to tell any of you. Not until I’d finished. Not until you could be proud of me.”
“We—me and Mattie—we’ve always been proud of you, Tony. Just not the drug addiction. But I knew how hard you tried to fight it.”
“But you left me. You left me, Linda.”
She obviously heard the hurt in his voice, and her eyes shimmered with tears.
“Shhh,” he said. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Let me finish what I was saying. Please.”
She took a shuddering breath then nodded.
“It would have been easy for me to quit after that. To accept that I was a weakling and give up my dreams of becoming a cop. But when we joined the witness security program, I told Dom and Mattie about what I’d been doing. And they encouraged me to finish what I’d started.
She was holding her breath now, her eyes wide with awareness and anticipation.
“Are you saying—?”
He nodded. “I finished the academy. And after I graduated, I applied to the local sheriff’s department to work with Dom. My application was accepted.”
In the family room, the grandfather clock chimed. He waited until it quieted.
“Wait a minute. Back up here. You actually graduated from the police academy?”
He nodded. “I graduated at the top of my class.”
“They knew about your drug problem?”
“They did. They were reluctant to take a chance at first, but they viewed me as a good risk. It helped that I had Dom’s recommendation and that I’d been going to regular NA meetings.”
“NA. Narcotics Anonymous meetings. You kept those up.”
“Yes. And I’ve continued to do them. Even after I accepted the job here in Sacramento, I—”
“So wait—” Linda shoved herself to sitting and stared down at him. “Wait just one minute. Are you really telling me that not only have you been clean for the past five years, but that you’re a cop?”
* * *
Linda wasn’t sure if reality had ended and fantasy had begun. She stared at the knotty pine wall, heard the trickle of the creek outside, smelled the scent of pine on the breeze that blew in the window, and knew full well she was still in the cabin, sitting close to a naked Tony.
But the world had stopped making sense.
What was Tony saying?
He wasn’t a cop.
He was a confidential informant.
He’d used to be a waiter, for goodness sake.
And now he was a drug addict trying to pretend he was climbing to the top of a drug distribution chain.
She’d known in her heart that wasn’t true. That he wasn’t a murderer. She’d believed him the minute he’d said he wasn’t using drugs anymore. But did she believe this?
“You’re a police officer,” she stated baldly.
“Deputy, actually. Badge, gun and everything. Well, under normal circumstances, I’d have those things. I don’t have them now because I’ve been deep undercover.”
“Deep undercover,” she echoed.
Linda pulled away from him and lay back down on the bed, one hand on her belly, the other on her forehead. The puzzle pieces were starting to come together—click, click, clicking into place.
She looked at him then. For a moment he looked like his old self again—younger. More vulnerable. More like the Tony she’d fallen in love with, and less like the hardened man he’d become in the past year and a half. But he was a hardened man. One who normally carried around a gun and badge. He was a cop.
“Why didn’t you just stay away? You could have had a fresh start. Started as a cop in—in whatever city you were living in without having to worry about Guapo.” Without having to worry about me.
Only he hadn’t really worried about her, had he? He’d stayed away from her for three and a half years. Despite the fact he hadn’t been using drugs. Despite the fact he’d been attending the police academy. Despite the fact he’d graduated at the top of his class.
She wanted to ask him why. Why he hadn’t come to her? Why he hadn’t asked her to go with him?
Because she would have. She would have given up everything, her job, anything, to have started a new life with him and Mattie.
Her despair must have shown on her face.
“What is it, Linda? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Why did you come back to Sacramento, Tony? Because it wasn’t for me.”
He stared at her. “Not at first, no. But I didn’t think you were an option for me, remember? Cop or not, I’m still a recovering drug addict, Linda. I always will be.”
His words made sense, but they didn’t ease the pain swirling through her. All she could think was that he’d stayed away from her a little too easily. Just like her father had stayed away after her mother had left him.
If he’d cared, if her father had cared, he wouldn’t have stayed away. He’d have fought to be with her. To stay with her. Even if all that meant was answering her letters from prison. The fact that he hadn’t was like a blade to her throat.
She raised her chin. “So tell me why you came back. Was it because of Justine?”
“No. It was because of Justine’s brother. A teenage boy who used to run drugs for Guapo.”
Her brow crinkled. Justine’s brother? A boy that used to—
Ah, she thought. More puzzle pieces moved into place.
Click, click, click. “Rory,” she said.
“You remember him?”
“You talked about him a couple of times. I could tell you adored that kid. You had such hopes for him. You’d thought he could get clean, could even go to college. But that didn’t happen, did it?”
“No, it didn’t.”
So what did? She was about to ask the question when the answer hit her like a ton of bricks. “The bath-salts drug. He took them. And they killed him?”
He nodded. “Yes. And before they killed him, they drove him mad.”
“Is that why Justine killed Guapo? Because you’ll never convince me you killed Guapo. She did, didn’t she?”
After only a brief hesitation, he nodded. “Yeah. She did. She thought she was meeting a friend at that garage but suddenly Guapo was there. She managed to ring me on her cell phone and tell me where she was. I heard Guapo questioning her about me. Before I got there, he’d roughed her up. I pulled him off her and we fought. Guapo injured me pretty bad and turned on Justine again, but by that time she got to the knife Guapo had dropped. She killed him in self-defense.”
And Tony had covered it up. Why? Did he really care that much for the woman? The thought made Linda’s heart ache. “What about the knife she used?”
“She left with it before the police arrived.”
“And she left you there? To take the rap for her?”
“It’s what we’d agreed on. And what I owed her. Hell, even with all my training, I hadn’t been able to protect her anymore than I’d been able to protect Mattie. I was the cop and I needed to do what was right. What was best for everyone.”
Best because he loved Justine? “Why? Why was taking the rap for a murder you didn’t commit the best thing to do?” she forced herself to ask.
“It allowed me to protect Justine when I hadn’t been able to do so before. Plus, Guapo peddled the Rapture that drove Rory insane before they killed him. Those drugs are still out there, doing the same to countless others. We’ve penetrated Guapo’s organization. What better way to keep me inside than if people believe I was ruthless enough to kill him?”
“What do you mean ‘we’ve’ penetrated the organization? Who are you working for? And what’s your mission exactly?”
“I’m working in conjunction with the FBI to bring Guapo’s drug ring down once and for all, but no one’s been able to figure out the identity of the primary Rapture supplier.”
“That’s why you’re trying to set up the meeting with him.”
“Yes. And we were going to meet. The time and place were all set up, only...”
“Only you got hurt protecting me...again.” She shook her head in amazement. “So Justine killed Guapo.”
“Like I said, it was in self-defense.”
“Are you sure about that?” she said slowly.
Tony frowned. “Yes. I was there, remember? She’s a good woman, Linda. She’s been helping me, well before Guapo got out of prison. She hates what drugs did to her brother. She wants vengeance as much as I do. Wants the drugs off the streets. She’s helping me nail the supplier.”
Pain filled her chest, like a cement block had been inserted behind her lungs. “I’ll ask again. Are you sure about that, Tony? Don’t you remember what I told you about seeing her in the bathroom? About her taking drugs?”
He sat up, the blanket and sheet sliding down to bare his chest. The expression he wore was shuttered, his jawline tight. “I can’t know if Justine is using drugs or not,” Tony said “Does it really matter that much? Someone who uses drugs isn’t inherently evil. But maybe that’s exactly what you still believe. Maybe, despite all your claims that you believe in me and how good I am, maybe you think that deep down inside, I’m evil, too.”