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myself before I plummet down the two-foot ledge into the water. Catfish swim near the surface. I can’t get rid of the chains, no matter how hard I try. Today was supposed to be the one day I didn’t feel like I was drowning.
“What’s wrong?” Ryan asks from behind
me.
“Nothing,” I say.
“Beth.” He stops, then starts again. “I really care for you and I was hoping you felt the same way.”
A single drop of rain hits the pond and
ripples break onto the smooth water. He can’t have feelings for me. He can’t. Liking me is one thing—feeling is another. It doesn’t fit with the plan. No. This isn’t how it was supposed to go.
I knead my hands against my eyes. Fuck, Beth, how did you think this was going to go?
You knew you were falling for him, but he wasn’t supposed to fall for you. His words make everything real. Too real. I spin around and spit out the accusation that has become my mantra. “Guys like you don’t fall for girls like me.”
“What? I can’t fall for pretty girls with smart HC TITLE-AUTHOR
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mouths?”
He doesn’t get it. “I’m a whore.”
Ryan’s head flinches as if I slapped him.
Pretending I don’t care what he thinks about me, I jut out my chin. Fairy tales happen, just not to me. Time to tell the prince he rescued the wrong girl.
“Two years ago, the guy every girl dreamed about spent an entire summer making me feel special. A week before school started, he told me he loved me, and I gave him my virginity.
When school began, he told his friends I was a slut.”
Ryan reaches out and I lean away. Some
pain isn’t meant to be shared. I was the idiot who believed Luke. I was the one who honestly thought I was special enough to be loved.
“He took advantage of you.” An
undercurrent of anger surges in his voice.
“That doesn’t make you a whore, that makes him an asshole.”
He’s missing the point. “I drink. I smoke pot. Before I came to Groveton, I was high all the time. I am not the girl you want to be permanent with. You don’t see me for who I HC TITLE-AUTHOR
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am.”
“I know you turned down the chance to
smoke pot on Saturday. I know the rumors at school say you’ve turned down the guys who smoke that shit endlessly. I know that you walk a straighter line than most of the kids at school.
This is a small town, Beth. You can’t breathe without someone knowing. I don’t know who you pretended to be in Louisville, but I see the girl you really are now.”
The way he stares at me—it’s as if he
doesn’t even see the outside anymore. His eyes pierce me as if he can see my soul and the thought terrifies me. He can’t fall for me. He can’t. “Do you think you’re the only guy I’ve made out with because I wanted to feel something?”
“I was different,” he says with confidence.
I swallow, look away, and lie, “No, you
weren’t.”
Ryan steps toward me and I step back. He’s not reacting like he should. Ryan should be disgusted by me. He should be walking away, not coming closer. Hope lights his face. “You are the one person who can have an entire conversation with someone and stare straight HC TITLE-AUTHOR
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into their eyes and never blink. That is, unless you’re lying. Look me in the eye and tell me the truth. You fell for me that night in the barn.”
My eyes dart to his and I curse internally when he smiles. “That’s why you bolted.”
How can someone experience so much joy
when I’m in so much agony? Doesn’t he
understand we aren’t going to work?
“You felt something for me and you didn’t want to. You wanted a mindless hookup, but it blew up in your face.”
I can see the memory of the night playing in his eyes, and my chest aches. He’s on the verge of figuring it out. His eyebrows shoot up. “You bolted when I whispered your name. You felt something for me right then, didn’t you?”
My head shakes back and forth as I whisper, “No.”
Relief softens his face and a hint of hope lifts his lips. “You’re falling for me like I’m falling for you. That’s why you’re pushing me so hard.”
“Leave me alone!” Filled with the need to flee, I turn. If I run fast enough, I can leave behind the awful memories of my past and HC TITLE-AUTHOR
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Ryan’s beautiful words can never wind their way into my soul. I step into air. My heart races to my throat as I fall forward. The pond.
Terrified of the water, I scream. Strong arms weave around my waist and pull me to solid ground.
I lean my back into Ryan’s chest and clutch his arms. My fingernails dig into his skin like hooks. If I fall in, I’m going to drown. The weights upon me are too heavy to stay afloat.
My only option is to sink.
I suck in a few breaths and after I take one longer one, Ryan lowers his head to my ear.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re shaking. Fine doesn’t mean you
shake.”
“I can’t swim, but I’m fine now.”