Damaged Souls (Broken Man)

chapter Six


“Can I get you something to drink,” Jack interrupted her thoughts as he opened the screen door and stepped outside.

“No, I’m okay,” Amanda replied as she sat up from her sun chair and then turned over on her stomach. “What are you doing.”

“Nothing really,” he answered as she could tell he was worried about her. “Delaney and Logan just left for the movies so I decided to come see you. Do you want to come inside with me.”

“I think I’m going to stay out here for a little while,” she tried to smile although she wasn’t really in the mood.

Jack walked over and took a seat on the edge of her chair. “Can I join you,” he asked as Amanda heard the squeezing hiss of the sun screen bottle and felt his hands move to her lower back.

“I’m sorry, Jack,” she tried to explain her lack of enthusiasm and let him down easily. “I’m just really not feeling good. I feel really badly about messing everything up between Delaney and Greg. I shouldn’t have interfered.”

“You were just trying to help,” Jack attempted to ease her mind and prevent her sunburn as she enjoyed the caress of his hands. “They are going to be okay.”

“You think so. This is the second Sunday in a row that Greg hasn’t been here.”

“They are going to be fine,” he reassured her. “The prom is just a week away, and once it is over, things will get back to normal.”

“I hope so. I miss having Greg around, and I know Delaney and Logan miss him too. Why do you think he hasn’t been coming over.”

“He probably feels a little embarrassed. I don’t know, he is a tough kid to figure out sometimes. I talked to him a little bit last night at work, and I just think he’s taking a break to figure things out and maybe give Delaney a little space as well.”

“I hope that’s all it is,” Amanda paused as she started to feel a little better. “I can’t believe how much I miss having him around. It’s like we lost part of out family.”

“I know what you mean,” Jack replied as his hands moved to her thighs and he worked his magic with his fingers as Amanda closed her eyes. “But, don’t worry, he’ll be back soon enough. I promise.”

“Thanks, Jack,” Amanda sat up next to him and gave him a kiss. “I feel a little better now.”

“I’m glad,” he returned her kiss and prepared to leave her alone. “Let me know if you need anything, okay.”

“C’mon, Jack,” Amanda took his hand as she stood up. “Come make me feel better.”

* * *

This Sunday is different, Jack realized as he sat down on the edge of the bed and admired his wife standing just in from of him.

She’s not even saying anything, he missed her bedroom talk that usually drove him crazy. I’m not even sure we should be doing this, he questioned his actions as he slowly unwrapped her towel, exposing her breasts as he looked up into her eyes. I hope she doesn’t feel like she has to, Amanda took his head in her hands and led his mouth to her breast.

She has changed so much, Jack remembered the girl on the cusp of womanhood he had met five years earlier. I just love her body, he suckled the full breasts of a woman and mother as his hands rounded the equally luscious curves of her hips. This is an amazing woman, he thought to himself as her towel dropped to the floor and he thought back on their time together.

Jack stood up from the bed and kissed her softly as she responded to the touch of his fingers. That’s better, he thought as he enjoyed the warmth of her body and the oddly arousing scent of her shampoo as he nibbled on her ear. Not yet, Jack tried to stop Amanda as she positioned herself to please him.

He resisted her as Amanda pushed him down onto the bed. No, this is about her today, he interrupted her progress and changed positions despite her protests. I am going to make her feel better, he decided as he kissed her stomach and his hands again found the softness of her breasts.

I love her stomach, Jack remembered making love to her when she was pregnant as he kissed Logan’s former home. What a feeling that was, always moving slowly and carefully, protecting the life that lay between them as they expressed their love for one another again and again. Maybe we should have another baby, he considered the idea as he kissed the c-section scar that always made her feel self conscious.

There it is, he felt the spasm he always loved as his tongue found its target. Take your time, Jack, he reminded himself as her legs started to tense and he moved even more slowly. Yes, we should definitely be doing this, he stopped second guessing himself as he heard her cry out and she pulled his head back up to her breast.

“Oh my god, Jack, “ he was pleased to hear Amanda talking again as her body shook with relief and anticipation and she tried to catch her breath.

“I love you so much,” he whispered in her ear and moved slowly into her body.

“I love you, too,” she managed to breathe as she wrapped her legs around him and they moved in slow motion.

That’s it, he thought as they picked up the pace and he felt Amanda’s growing excitement. We’re almost there, he confirmed she was feeling the same thing as she rolled over on top of him and assumed her favorite position. That feels so good, his hands found her hips as he spied on her enjoying the moment.

Watching her struggling to breathe as she moved with desperation and her hands clenched his chest, Jack knew he couldn’t hold out much longer. Let it all out Amanda, he heard her moan and watched the pained expression on her face as he realized it was time. Feeling her body quake, Jack closed his eyes as he finally let go and again understood what he felt for this woman.

She was truly his everything. The mother of his child, his reason for living.

* * *

“Thanks, Jack,” Amanda smiled as she laid her head on his chest. “I really do feel better now.”

“I’m glad, I feel a lot better too.”

“I know everything is going to be okay,” she paused and considered what to say. “I don’t know why, but I worry about everything sometimes, not just Delaney and Greg, but about Logan, about you and me, about our future.”

“How do you mean,” Jack again looked concerned. “There in nothing to worry about. Trust me Amanda, I’m not going to let anything happen to any of you.”

“I know, Jack,” she tried to put a finger on her anxiety. “Maybe it’s because of how I grew up and the uncertainty I always faced. Maybe I have some leftover insecurities that need to be addressed. I know you are always going to be there for us, but for some reason, I still worry.”

Jack took a second to respond as Amanda wondered if he understood what she was saying. “That’s understandable, Amanda. You had a very difficult childhood and those feelings and emotions can be hard to overcome. I know it sounds odd, but have you ever considered counseling, maybe talking to someone about what you are feeling.”

“You are my counselor, Jack,” she replied and kissed him softly. “I really don’t need anyone as long as I have you. You make me feel better, and every day, I grow stronger and stronger. No, I don’t need a counselor. I’m going to be fine.”

“I know you will be.”

“It’s just that things are going to change so much in the next few months,” Amanda went back to worrying and opened up another conversation. “Greg and Delaney are leaving for college, Logan is going to start school, and who knows what we are going to do.”

“We’ll practically be empty nesters,” Jack tried to lighten the mood with a joke.

“I’m serious, Jack. What do you see us doing. Where do you see us in five years.”

“Amanda, we are going to be fine,” he again reassured her. “It really doesn’t matter what we’re doing. As long as we are all together, we will be happy and everything will work out.”

“I know you are right, Jack,” Amanda decided they didn’t need to talk about another five year plan. “You know how much I love you, right.”

“Of course I do,” he said as he looked into her eyes and she immediately knew how much he loved her too. “Can I ask you a question.”

“You can ask me anything, Jack, you know that.”

“How would you feel about having another baby.”

The question took Amanda by surprise, and she took a second to figure out how to respond. They had never really talked about a second child, and Amanda always assumed Jack was happy just having Logan. Was this something he really wanted to do at forty-seven. Was this something she really wanted to do at thirty-one.

“Jack, is that something you want,” she questioned him and watched carefully for his response.

“I have been thinking about it recently, but not in any definitive way,” he tried to explain his illogical line of reasoning. “Things are changing, and I know you want to start working and I know we agreed to a plan, but it’s still something I think about sometimes.”

“And I love that you think about it,” Amanda understood where he was coming from. “And Jack, don’t think I am entirely opposed to the idea, but to be honest, I haven’t thought about it too much. I always thought you wanted to stop with Logan.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” he hesitated. “I would be happy if we were blessed with just Logan, and I don’t underestimate the burden of bearing a child. I certainly don’t have to go through the hard part. But, if you decide it’s something you might want, maybe we can consider it.”

“Okay, Jack,” she replied as her body responded to their conversation and she decided it was her turn to make him happy. “But let’s be quiet now, I want to concentrate on what I am going to do to you.”