Damaged Souls (Broken Man)

Epilogue


One Month Later


She looks so much better than the last time he saw her.

That was Jack’s first impression as he looked across the table at Susan as his entire family enjoyed Sunday brunch at the hotel. Maybe she will get better this time, Jack thought about the difficult road she had traveled as he empathized with her loss and thought about the winding road ahead. She needs to for Greg.

“Dad, are you going to eat your waffle,” Logan interrupted his thoughts as he pulled at his arm.

“No I’m not. Go ahead, bud,” he replied as he transported the waffle to Logan’s plate and then doused it with syrup. “How were your eggs.”

“They were great,” Logan spoke with his mouth full.

“That’s good,” Jack replied absentmindedly and didn’t correct him for once.

“You okay, Jack,” Amanda questioned him as she touched his arm. “You’ve barely eaten.”

“I’m fine, just thinking about something,” he tried to return to the present. “How’s your salad.”

“It’s good,” she answered as he could tell she was concerned. “What are you thinking about.”

“Nothing really,” he wasn’t ready to share with her quite yet. “So, what do you guys have planned for this afternoon,” Jack turned his attention to Greg and Delaney.

“We’re going to help Susan clean up the house and maybe get ready for a garage sale next weekend,” Delaney outlined their day. “We should be home in time for dinner.”

“And I’m going to help,” Logan volunteered his assistance.

“Of course you are honey,” Amanda humored her son with a smile before quickly turning back into a psychologist. “Susan, are you sure you are ready for this.”

“I think I finally am,” Susan tried to explain what she was feeling. “It’s just time. I need to find a way to move on and I have to clear some of the reminders out of the house and out of my head. I’ll keep a few things of course, but it’s time for a fresh start. I probably should have done this a long time ago,” she paused and looked at Greg.

“It’s alright, Mom,” Greg reassured her as he put his hand on hers and then inexplicably froze.

What is it, Jack wondered why Greg had suddenly stopped speaking. Oh no, he realized there was a problem as he saw the look on Delaney’s face and she put her arm on Greg’s. Not now, he thought to himself as he turned around to watch the foursome of golfers belly up to the bar, led by J. Mitchell Caldwell, Sr.

“Look at Jack over there,” Mitch goaded him with that unmistakable southern drawl, loud enough for the entire room to hear. “Out to lunch with his pack of strays.”

Jack felt his anger boil over as he heard the nervous laughter of Mitch’s friends and felt Amanda’s hand reach for his arm as if to restrain him.

“Jack, look at me,” she said as he followed her instructions but really didn’t hear her. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

But, it was too late. Jack rose from the table as every eye in the room turned to see what he was going to do. “Greg, you remain seated,” he was firm in his orders as he stared at Greg to be sure he understood.

Jack took his time as he walked to the bar and gave Mitch a chance to defend himself or maybe even apologize for what he said. I don’t think that’s going to happen, Jack realized as Mitch turned to face him and he saw the bitter smirk of hatred on his face. No, there wasn’t going to be an apology.

“Excuse me, Mitch, I don’t think I heard you right,” Jack looked him directly in the eyes even though Mitch was at least half a head taller. “What did you say.”

“I said I don’t know why they let strays hang around this place,” Mitch purposely antagonized him as Jack felt his right hand form a fist and he knew he was going to hit him. “This resort has certainly attracted a lower class of people under your leadership, especially that so called family of yours.”

This is going to feel good, Jack realized as he felt his hand tense into a tightly wound ball and he sensed the blood rushing to his head. Get ready you bastard, Jack prepared to knock Mitch across the bar before that syrupy, sickening voice snapped him out of his trance.

“You going to hit me, Jack,” Mitch dared him to take action.

That is exactly what he wants, Jack realized as he considered his options and loosened his grip. He would have my job, my reputation, my career, all of it would go down the drain with one swing of my arm. I think it might be worth it, Jack decided as he remade his fist and rededicated himself to the task at hand.

Then it happened. As clear as a bell, he heard Logan’s voice from across the room. “Mommy, what’s Daddy doing over there.”

Jack felt his entire body relax as he looked over his shoulder and saw his family staring at him. No, I’m not going to do that to them. I’m not going to give him what he wants, Jack decided once and for all as he un-balled his fist and turned back to Mitch.

“Mitch,” he said slowly and gave him a firm pat on the shoulder as he realized he was finished. “You’re really just not worth it.”

* * *

“I’m so proud of you,” Amanda continued to reward Jack for his behavior as she stood half naked in front of him and slowly took off the rest of her clothes. “I didn’t think you would walk away.”

“I didn’t think I was going to either,” he responded as she removed her hair from it’s tie and let him watch as she fluffed it out over her shoulders.

“Jack, I want to tell you something,” Amanda opened up a conversation as she removed the last of her clothing and joined him in bed. “I’ve been doing a little thinking.”

“What have you been thinking about,” he was patient with her as she rolled her body on top of his.

“Just what we talked about before all of this stuff happened,” she paused and slowly kissed him. “I know we had a plan, but I’m willing to alter it if that’s okay with you.”

“How do you mean,” he asked as their bodies gradually came together and he slowly closed his eyes.

“It’s just that we are so happy. We have an amazing life and I really don’t want anything to change,” Amanda said as she enjoyed the slowness of their movement. “And I think having another child would only add to our happiness.”

Jack stopped what he was doing as he opened his eyes and looked directly at her. “You would do that for me.”

“Of course I would, Jack,” she whispered into his ear as she gently moved for both of them. “I would do anything for you.”

“Me too,” he agreed as she sat up on top of him. “And that’s why we are going to stick with our plan.”

“Really, Jack,” she questioned him as she braced her hands on his chest, puzzled by his answer. “I thought that is what you wanted. Don’t you think it will get lonely around here when Delaney and Greg go off to college.”

“Not at all. They’ll still be around, and Logan is a full time job,” he reaffirmed what she already knew as he sat up and kissed her. “It’s time for a change around here. I know how much you want to pursue your career, and I think it’s an opportunity for me to pursue something different as well. Maybe it’s time for a new five year plan.”

He really does get me, Amanda realized as she pushed him onto his back and laid back down with him. “Are you sure, Jack. I don’t want you to look back in five years and have any regrets,” she asked and looked directly into his eyes.

“No regrets, Amanda,” Jack whispered as he kissed her softly. “I promise.”

* * *

This is what it’s all about, Jack thought to himself as he laid in bed and listened to Amanda breathing as she slept, her head tucked neatly between his chest and shoulder.

It’s not about the work or the accomplishment or even about the money. Sure, those things are nice, but at the end of the day, they are really just a means to an end. This right here, this is my end.

Jack slowly slid out of bed, careful not to wake Amanda, and as he stood up, he caught a reflection of himself in the mirror. Not too bad for forty-seven, he thought to himself. A little thick in the middle, a little too much grey, but his body had held up pretty well over the years. Decent, but nothing like her, Jack paled in comparison as he admired his beautiful wife in the background of the mirror.

She is perfect, Jack realized as he turned to look at her sleeping. Perfect in every way. How was I so fortunate to have her come into my life, to receive the blessing that is Logan, to complete my life circle with Delaney and Greg. I have everything I ever desired in life, even if it took me so long to realize what I was missing, to understand what I really wanted.

It certainly took a long time, Jack considered his past as he pulled on a pair of boxer shorts and looked out the window. Forty years of drifting, half a lifetime to figure it out. I’m not sure I would have gotten there if it wasn’t for Brittany. She provided my start, she changed my life. I wonder where we would be if she was still alive, Jack asked the question he had never been able to answer as he felt the pang of sadness that had never entirely disappeared.

And where would I be without Amanda. I can’t even imagine not having her in my life. She completed the process started by Brittany, the process made more complicated by her death. Amanda reopened my heart, she allowed me to love again, she paved the way for my becoming a father.

I never thought I would have children. Not after the childhood I experienced, not after the pain I went through. My family members were strangers, people I lived with in the same house. There was no love, no real sense of closeness. It just never made sense for me to bring a child into this world not knowing whether or not I was equipped to be a good father. It never made sense until the love of Brittany and Amanda uncovered the man I could be, revealed the father that was hiding inside.

It’s going to be different for Logan. He is always going to know he is loved, he is always going to know how special he is. He’s not going to have to figure out his place in the world, he is not going to have to battle the doubts and insecurities I have had to fight through for so many years.

And neither are Delaney and Greg. They are as much a part of my family as Amanda and Logan. Why did it take so long to figure it out, why did it take me so long to assume my parental responsibilities. I guess I was just trying to stay out of the way of their parents, attempting to be politically correct. It doesn’t really matter the reason, things are different now, Jack forgave himself as he focused on the future.

I finally have a sense of community, I finally have a family. No, I’m never really going to know my mother and father or my siblings, but that’s okay. Everything I need is right here in this house. All the people I love are just an arm’s length away.

And it’s only going to get better from here, Jack realized as he sat down at his desk. I’ve put myself into position to really live the life I want to lead, to be the husband and father I need to be. I have an opportunity to be the man my own father never was.

And I’m going to do just that, Jack decided as he opened up his laptop. My resignation will be easy, he thought to himself as his computer screen came alive. I’ll still consult occasionally, I’ll still keep my hand in the business world. I’m not going to disappear entirely.

But, it’s only work, Jack realized as he centered up the page. A way to make money, a way to provide for my family, but not my identity, not who I am. It’s not my life anymore, Jack embarked on a new journey as he started to type and the first two words came rather easily.