Reanell smiles. “I think you both are handling this difficult situation the best you can. I keep trying to imagine how I’d act if this was me. I think the divorce was more than a long time coming. I just want you all to be happy and in a good place. I know he was in a bad way when he got back, but considering he’s in counseling, it should help when he finds out about the baby.”
Since the fertility problems were basically the beginning of the end for us, I know this will kill him. I’ve thought about it and how to handle telling him, and I come up empty each time. Mark is the only person other than Reanell who knows. I owe it to Liam to let him know before anyone else. While having more children has always been something I wanted, I never thought it was a possibility. Now here I sit, pregnant with Liam’s baby.
“Do you think Liam will be happy?” I ask the burning question.
“Did you guys ever talk about it?”
“No, not really. I mean, he loves Aarabelle so much, I assume he won’t be upset, but . . .”
It’s the one black cloud that looms over me. I worry that he’ll think I tricked him before he was ready, but then knowing Liam, I doubt that at the same time. He loves me and we weren’t some one-night fling. He’s already made mention of marrying me and moving forward together.
Reanell grabs my hand. “I think Liam and you have a love that’s real and true. He’s patient, kind, loyal, and most of all, he adores you. He’s chosen you over a friendship that lasted far longer and he loves Aara. I mean, not many men would do what he has. Liam is your forever love.”
A tear falls as I allow my wall to come down for a minute and think about him. I miss him and can’t imagine my life with anyone else. Liam fills the cracks that formed in my heart. He makes me whole again, and gives me something I didn’t know I was missing. Just the sound of his voice can calm or excite me. I fall asleep thinking of him and wake up wishing he was next to me. I don’t think I could ever get over him. He would forever exist inside of my soul.
“I’m such an emotional mess. Damn hormones,” I laugh and wipe under my eyes. “I think Liam allowed me to see the difference between a comfortable love and a love that shatters your world. I loved Aaron, don’t get me wrong . . . but it was just something I think we did. We dated, got married, then having children became what we should do next. When we couldn’t, I felt like we were broken. Does that make sense?”
It’s Reanell’s turn to wipe her eyes. “It does.”
My heart breaks for her. As much as she puts on the front about her purses and shoes, she wanted children. “I’m so sorry, Rea.”
“I didn’t want to go through it. I couldn’t after watching you. My faith in God broke each time you’d call me and say it didn’t work or you lost a baby. You’re so much stronger than me, sister.”
I come around the other side of the booth and hug her. There’s a sisterhood we share. One of understanding, support, and unending friendship. When half our hearts leave, we bind our remaining pieces to get through the days. Not everyone can understand what we do. They say they can, but it’s not all sunshine and unicorns. We put our fears aside and wear plastic smiles because that’s what you do. Military wives aren’t strong because they want to be. They have to be. I know the chance that Liam can be returning in a box is real, but I love him regardless.
Reanell returns my hug and sniffles. It’s not often she breaks down, and she never shares this with Mason. “You have no idea how strong you are.” I pull her close and we both cry out a little of the pain we share.
Another two weeks pass.
Another two weeks of Liam being gone.
I hate deployments.
I look at the beach filled with happy couples, and I want to scream. Aarabelle and I are playing in the sand. Liam hasn’t called in a week, and I keep having horrible nightmares. I woke up last night and ran to the front door thinking someone was there to tell me he died. It was so real. I was already crying hysterically when I ripped the door open.
“Hey,” Aaron’s voice calls out from behind us.
“Hi.” I smile as he looks at Aarabelle.
In the last six weeks, Aaron has started to look like the man I fell in love with. We haven’t really spoken about anything deep, but he said he understands my need to move on.
“How are you?” he asks as Aara gets up and runs to him.
“Daddy!” Her tiny arms wrap around him and he kisses her.
“She just . . . !” I trail off as he smiles with his whole heart. We’ve been saying Daddy more and more to her in regards to Aaron. It warms me that he’s being such a great father to her. She’s lucky that she’ll know the love of two men.
“She did! Hi, my beautiful girl.” He lifts her into his arms and I hold my heart. Even with everything we’ve suffered, there’s a small measure of healing through Aara. She is the glue that holds us all together.
Aaron carries her over and sits next to me. “That was amazing.”
“Yeah,” I grin. “I’ve been working with her on Mommy too. I’m glad she said it with you here.”
“Me too. So, how are you?” Aaron asks and starts to play with Aara in the sand.
“I’m hanging in there. You?”