The last few months rush back. I remember how I felt finding out about his transgressions. How he loved another woman. My mind starts to wonder if he means me and Aarabelle, or me and Brittany.
I can’t listen to this. I need to get a grip on what the hell is festering inside of me. There are so many things I’m feeling all at once. I walk down onto the beach, the sand burning my feet, and I welcome the pain. I stand still, lifting my head to the sky. Why? I ask the clouds. This should be a happy moment. One filled with hugs and tears of joy, but I’m left feeling as if a gaping hole was punched through my chest. Just when I thought my life was on track—boom.
My mind drifts to Liam and how devastated he was. His eyes lost the spark I loved to see. I don’t know where my life will go—once again. There are no easy answers in this situation. I have a husband, a baby, a boyfriend, and suddenly a shitload of problems. But I need him to see that I meant what I said. I want him beside me.
“Are we going to talk?” I hear Aaron ask from behind me. The raspy voice that once made me long for him now makes me want to cry.
I turn as he stands still, waiting for something from me. “No, I’d rather not. I feel like I’m about to wake up any moment, so I’m just waiting for it to happen. All of this is so confusing,” I reply and wish I could slap myself.
Aaron steps forward. “Lee,” his voice trembles, “I’m here.”
“You keep saying that. But how? How is this happening?” I take a moment to look over his face. His brown eyes are dull and lifeless, there’s a large gash on the side of his neck. My eyes travel down his arms where there are a few scars from what look like burns, and he’s missing a finger on his left hand. He looks broken and alone, but then he smiles at me and I try to stop my heart from swelling a little.
“All I could think about was seeing my girls,” he steps closer. “I fought to be here for you.”
“For me? Really?” I question, not actually wanting an answer. Aaron looks at me with confusion. Well, I’ll be happy to clue him in. “Are you sure it’s me you want, Aaron, or do you want me to call Brittany?” I ask, shooting daggers at him. I stand watching his reactions. I catalog the way he shifts to the side and the way he grips the back of his neck.
I see the fear flare in his eyes, and if I hadn’t known him for most of my life, I’d have missed it.
“It’s not—”
“Not what I think?”
Aaron takes another step closer as his face pales. “I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
“You love me?” I scoff. “That’s rich. You have a funny way of showing it. God, this whole situation is so insane,” I say in disbelief. “I mean, you were dead. I buried you. I stood and wept for you. Then I go through hell finding a way to put myself back together. Only to find out you cheated on me for months! Months, Aaron!” I move forward this time allowing him to see the anger on my face. “You betrayed me. The man I married wouldn’t have done that. But the man who held my hand and told me he’d die before touching another woman did exactly that.”
“And you fucked Liam!” he bellows before sinking into the sand. On his knees in front of me, I see the hurt all over him.
“You have no clue.”
Aaron looks at me and tears form in my eyes. “We have a lot to work through, Lee. I know I fucked up. I know I made mistakes and I wish you’d never found out about them. Can we please give ourselves a few days?”
A tear falls and my heart breaks. “And then what?”
“I don’t know,” he admits. “But I’ve thought about you every day that I was gone. Every fucking minute of the day, I fought death to come home to you. All I wanted was to see you and the baby.” His eyes flood with tears and every part of me aches.
I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to cause him pain. That’s not who I am. This is the man I thought I’d spend every day of my life with. The man I struggled to have children with. Agonizing months of shots and treatments because I wanted to give him a child. A part of me is pulled to him, but I don’t trust myself. He represents every memory of our twelve years together, and we have a child. It’s taking everything inside of me not to collapse.
I sink in the sand beside him. “I’m in love with Liam.” My voice is a whisper. The way his hands clench tells me he heard.
Aaron tenderly lifts my chin. “I’m begging you, Lee. I’m on my knees begging you to give us some time. Let’s wait a few days before we decide anything. There are a lot of things we have to discuss regardless.”
The words catch in my throat as I think of Liam. I don’t know how to feel in this moment. Who am I loyal to? Aaron was . . . is . . . my husband. But Liam has my heart. He brought me to life in a way Aaron never did. He’s good to me, loyal and faithful. There’s no mistrust between us. It’s not Aaron’s fault he’s been gone a year, but it’s not Liam’s either. Now, all of us have to pay the price.
“I don’t know that a few days will change my feelings,” I warn.