“Fuck you. If I mean this little to you, then go. Go. Run. Leave! Go be the man you’re not because of whatever bullshit you’ll feed yourself! Go!” I raise my hand again, but he grabs it.
Liam’s control snaps, he grips my arms tighter jerking me against him. I breathe one deep breath before his lips crash against mine. I savor the feel of his mouth pushing against mine. I get lost in the brute force of this kiss. His fingers are a vice around my arms, and I don’t care. I want him to bruise me. Leave his mark so I have proof of what we shared. My lips mold to his as I give him back all I am.
I escape the moment we’re both drowning in when our tongues touch. His grip loosens as his hands glide to my neck until they cradle my head. The mood shifts to sadness. My fingers thread in his hair as I try to hold him against me. Liam’s hands tighten, and he breaks us apart.
“I need a minute. I need a few of them. I love you, but I have to go.”
My heart shatters all over again. I’ve lost him.
“If you leave me, I don’t think you’re coming back,” I say, hoping he’ll refute me and give the comfort I’m desperate for.
Liam rests his forehead against mine. “I’m never far. You need to get through this without worrying about me.”
“You think I can do that? You think right now as happy as I am he’s alive. That I’m not distraught? That I’m not worried about how the hell you and I will survive this? I’ll worry every day about you and us.” I beg him to stay. I need him to stay.
“Aaron and you had a whole life together. We had a few months.”
“Don’t you dare downplay what we have!” I fight the urge to slap him again.
Liam runs his fingers the length of my arm. “I need you to see this from my side. I never knew if you’d have chosen him, but now I don’t know if you should choose me. I need to get my fucking head on straight. Right now, you have to let me go.” Liam’s eyes mirror mine with the agony of this moment.
I fight the tears that build. As much as I know he’s right, I wish he were wrong. I don’t know how to navigate this. It’s too much. My heart had healed, and instantly I’m raw all over again. There was a time that Aaron was everything I wanted. Now that he’s back in my life, I no longer want him. If any prayer I wish went unanswered, it was this one, only because now I have to endure the pain of breaking a man I love. But my life doesn’t work that way.
“I want you to know something before you walk away from me. I need you to know that I want you. You are the man I’m in love with. Yes, he’s my husband and Aarabelle’s father, but I love you, Liam. I love you so much more than I want to, but God, I love you. Please, hear me. I love you.”
“I love you too, but I have to do what’s right.”
“Right for who?” I scoff.
Liam leans back and waits until I look at him. His blue eyes shimmer with unshed tears. “For you. For Aarabelle. For all of us. I can’t be the man who destroys a marriage, and sure as fuck not yours and Aaron’s.”
There’s no convincing him, and all I can hope for at this moment is that he heard me.
Before I can respond, I hear someone approach from behind. Liam looks up, and by the flash in his eyes, I know it’s Aaron.
“I hate to break up this touching scene, but I’ve been gone more than a year and this isn’t exactly the reunion I anticipated.” Aaron’s voice is on the edge. “If I could have my wife, brother.”
I don’t miss the way he enunciates “wife” or “brother.”
Liam doesn’t say anything, but his arms fall, as does my heart.
He walks away without a word. I face my husband, my first love, with tears in my eyes as the man I love more than anything leaves me behind.
I want to die.
Aaron and I walk toward the back of the house where Jackson and Mark are standing. Jackson shifts, and I smother the urge to punch him in the face. “No one thought a heads up would be a good idea?” I spit the words. “No one thought I should know this? Did your cell phones all die? Because I can’t think of any reason why you all wouldn’t want to tell me.”
“Natalie,” Mark steps toward me. “First of all, none of us knew if it was definitely Aaron. Secondly, we couldn’t compromise the mission. This all had to happen very secretly and very covertly. And what, did you want us to call on the way over? No one knew how to handle this.”
Jackson takes a hesitant footstep. “I know you were getting your life together. I know you were happy, and for that, I’m sorry. No one here would want to hurt you. Least of all me.”
“Sure, you’re sorry.” Anger flows through me, tearing me apart.
His head bows then he turns to Aaron. “We should let you guys talk. Remember what I said about a lot changing in a year. But I’m glad you’re home.”
Aaron looks at me before turning back to Jackson. “I appreciate it. I’m happy to be back with my girls.”