Captured Again(The Let Me Go Series)

Chapter 15


Gabby peeked into the rearview mirror, smoothing down her hair around her face and checking her makeup just before she pulled up to Mom’s house. She wanted to look put together, look normal. The more normal she looked, the fewer questions anyone would ask.

While she’d let on to Olivia that she didn’t really want to come tonight, that wasn’t exactly true. Since Mom had joined them in their support group years before and listened—really listened—to what each had been through and shared her own history, Mom had changed. Or maybe they’d all changed. But Mom had mellowed out. She’d learned to pay attention to her girls, even watching them like a hawk now, always on alert to keep her baby chicks safe and away from further harm. While it sometimes got on Gabby’s nerves that Mom had to have her nose in everybody’s business, it was a welcome change. Once they all knew each other’s secrets, and they each saw there was no blame bestowed on each other, they were closer... an equal team in building each other up and keeping a watchful eye, sisters in survival—or Survivor Sisters, as they liked to remind each other when one of them was down.

Mom had married her boyfriend, Nick, five years ago. She’d finally gotten her happily ever after. He was a drinker to start with; that was true. But only beer. He’d quit after he asked Mom to marry him. He didn’t have an abusive bone in his body. He was a big, cuddly teddy bear that they all adored. He had the cutest smile and laughed easily; it was contagious. He could make anyone laugh.

Nick worked hard so Mom could quit her factory job and found the perfect place to live out her retirement years, in the middle of a huge patch of woods. He loved to build and quickly cleared a place for the house. When that was finished, he constructed fences, barns, and chicken coops, filling them up to give Mom something else to focus her mothering on, since her own chicks had flown the nest. Mom named all her chickens and she knew who was who at just a glance. It wasn’t unusual to see her out talking to her feathered ladies as if they were just another group of gossiping women, pecking, strutting, and fluttering all around Mom while she rambled on about the latest book she’d read or what was happening on the news, or God forbid, some juicy gossip about one of her girls.

Gabby put the car in park and gathered up her cell phone, purse, and a pie she had picked up on the way. These dinners had been routine since the first group meeting Mom attended. She had pulled the accountability card that Mr. Knight—Russ—had proposed on her first meeting. Keeping ears open and eyeballs peeled for any signs of distress from each other so it could be addressed before disaster. Everyone was supposed to bring something to these traditional monthly dinners—something home-cooked—but the store-bought pie would have to do. Gabby had no desire to cook since Jake was gone. This would be their first dinner since the accident.

As she made her way up the walk, she heard pinches of conversation floating out the screen door toward her.

“She didn’t remember, yet?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? Maybe she’s not telling you.”

“She would tell me, Emma. We all would know.”

“Maybe we should just ask her—”

“No!” Olivia snapped. “The doctor said she is experiencing avoidance symptoms. The PSTD had to have been triggered by her believing she’d seen René. The accident only pushed it further into a full-blown episode, so she’s burying the traumatic event and avoiding certain people, places, and things. This is called emotional numbing, and if we push her, it could trigger her to cut us off, too. The doctor said it’s very common. She needs us. So we need to keep our mouths shut until she faces it on her own.”

Gabby had waited long enough. She felt ridiculous spying, like a child. She pulled the screen door open and stepped in. “Face what? What am I not facing?”

Olivia, Emma, and Nick all froze in place. Nick was in the kitchen, and Emma and Olivia were sitting on the couch.

Emma was the first to speak. “Nothing, Gab. We weren’t talking about you.”

“Then who were you talking about?” Gabby asked suspiciously.

Emma looked at Olivia, then at Nick, waiting for someone else to jump in. No one seemed to have an answer. Nick finally took the lead, walking toward Gabby and taking the pie with one hand while rubbing Gabby’s back with the other. “Okay, yes. They were talking about you. They’re just talking about you coming to grips with what happened before and after the accident. We’re all just worried about you, that’s all.”


“Nick... I told you—” Olivia warned, standing up and crossing her arms. Emma stood too.

“I know, Olivia. I’m not asking anything. I’m just saying we’re worried about her. Isn’t that okay to say?” Nick interrupted, raising his eyebrows innocently.

Something about the whole thing felt off. Nick rubbing her back? He wasn’t usually a touchy-feely person, except with Mom, so that in itself was bizarre. Gabby’s stomach took on an empty, fluttery feeling.

“Where’s Mom?” Gabby asked.

Emma and Nick spoke at the same time.

“She’s not here.”

“She’s gone.”

“What the—” Gabby started.

“She’s not going to be here for dinner.” Olivia interrupted. Her mouth bent into a forced smile.

Gabby felt a surge of unexplained panic building; her heart started beating faster and she could feel herself starting to sweat, even as her body felt a blast of cold air from a vent blowing above her. She grabbed the door for support. Emma and Olivia rushed over, each grabbing an arm. Something is wrong.

“Gabby, sit down.” Olivia urged her.

“Yeah, Gab. Come sit down with us and let me tell you about the hot cop I met,” Emma added while helping lead Gabby to the couch.

“No!” Gabby yelled, pulling away from them. “Tell me what I need to face? René? Jake? What were you all talking about? I want to know.” She made her way to the couch without the help of her sisters, not wanting to give in and sit, but not able to stand anymore. She dropped her head between her knees and tried to breathe, feeling a panic attack approaching. Her heart still beat wildly and the sweat now crept in cold drips down her sides from her armpits. Her skin felt clammy. What the hell? she thought. I’m cold but sweating. Maybe I picked up a bug at the medical clinic? Did they have sick—physically sick—people there in the same building?

“Olivia, do you feel sick? I think I might have caught something from the doctor’s office,” Gabby said and then raised her head up to rest it on the arm of the couch.

“No, I’m fine, but maybe you did, Gabby. Just rest a while,” Olivia answered patiently as she picked up Gabby’s legs and pulled them onto the couch, laying her down.

Emma grabbed a blanket from the back of the recliner and tucked it in around Gabby. “Yeah, Gab, just kick back. We’ll help get supper ready. You look beat,” she said nervously.

“Tell Mom I’m sorry. I’ll try to eat anyway. Later,” Gabby said in a weak voice. She knew this was the highlight of her mom’s month, cooking for them and having them all eat together. Mom would be upset if Gabby didn’t eat. She was always pushing food on all of them, saying they were too thin; as if she had room to talk.

“No, Gabby. Really... it’s fine. You just close your eyes and rest, and if you feel like eating later, I’ll heat a plate up for you,” Nick answered. Gabby saw his eyes flick over to Olivia, then to Emma.

Gabby didn’t close her eyes but instead looked around at her mom’s place. She felt herself sinking into the couch as she began to relax, swaddled by the butter-colored, soft leather. Being here felt like coming home, even though none of them had ever lived here. Mom had put her mark on the house with her whimsical flair—much like Emma’s—and it was inviting and comfortable. The outside of the house had a wrap-around porch, where they’d spent hours hanging out beneath the sprawling hanging ferns Mom had a knack for growing, sitting in the white wicker rockers in the evenings, watching the fireflies and listening to the crickets. Sometimes on the hot summer weekends, the girls would all three curl up on Mom’s outdoor hanging bed with a book, pushing and poking each other for more room, only to find themselves eventually drawn back together in a tangle of elbows, knees and long hair. The overhead fan blowing air down would lull them to sleep and they’d end up napping there, in the shade—looking like a sleepy litter of kittens. On the inside, the walls were covered in quirky paintings with lots of color; all purchased from creative starving artists straight off the streets of Gatlinburg. Playful and beautiful statues of fairies—and dragonflies—were tucked into Mom’s shelves, surrounding dozens and dozens of books. Across the windows were mismatched scarves—layers of them—gauzy and sheer, allowing the sun to filter through with beautiful, warming light, all adding to the unpredictable yet calming atmosphere of the house.

She closed her eyes, drifting somewhere between sleep and wake. Snapshots of her mom slowly crowded her mind, or was she already dreaming? Visions of Mom out piddling with her chickens in her one of her favorite wacky outfits: orange Clemson Tigers T-shirt, burgundy USC boxer shorts, and yellow ducky rubber boots. No one could deny Mom had a wacky sense of style—her own style—and it fit her perfectly. Besides, the chickens didn’t care. They wore the same outfit every day. But...

“Mom... you shouldn’t wear that,” Gabby faintly mumbled in her sleep as they all hovered around her worriedly. “Which team will the chickens follow?”

Olivia and Emma both breathed a sigh of relief, and Nick stifled a nervous chuckle. If Gabby was agonizing over Mom’s outfits and the chickens, then that meant she wasn’t thinking about anything else that might push her over the edge.

Gabby slowly drifted farther away, unexpectedly too exhausted to stay awake. Just as she was about to reach a state of oblivion, she heard the faint echo of Nick’s voice.

“Tell her the Gamecocks, Olivia,” Nick whispered before quietly stepping backward toward the kitchen, followed by Emma smiling at Gabby talking in her sleep. The tension broken and relief settled in, having dodged what might have been a traumatic episode with Gabby.

Olivia knew they could all use some silliness after these past few months, but not at Gabby’s expense.

“Shoo!” Olivia said in barely more than a whisper as she waved Emma and Nick away with both her hands. “Quit being silly and get outta here before you wake her up.”