“They were like animals in cages down here,” Nolan mutters, pulling me away from my thoughts as he stares at the cage in front of us.
“Pretty much,” I agree, continuing on with my story. “But you have to remember, these were for the worst of the worst. The ones who started prison riots, killed other inmates or even guards. Their punishment was being cast off into the basement, where there aren’t any windows to let in sunlight and no privacy whatsoever. They lost all sense of time because it was always dark, and many of them went completely insane if they were down here for a long time. They didn’t even have beds; they had to sleep on the ground. The guards back then needed to make it so awful that the men would think twice about doing anything bad again because the punishment was so severe.”
“I wouldn’t have to do this to you if you’d just stop being bad.”
“This will only hurt for a minute. If you’re a good girl, I’ll tell you more stories about the place where you were born.”
My chilled skin suddenly heats up like I walked into blazing inferno. My head starts to pound with a piercing headache, and even the solitary bulb that barely gives off enough light to see more than a few feet in front of us is suddenly too bright for my eyes. I squeeze them closed and press my hands to either side of my head, wanting nothing more than to make the pain go away.
This memory decides to give me everything, and I can see an older man leaning over me as he straps me to a table. His hair is the color of salt and pepper, neatly trimmed and slicked back off of his forehead. He’s wearing a dress shirt buttoned all the way up to his neck, and I stare at the old, wrinkly extra skin that spills out from the tight collar of his shirt, dreaming about the day when I’m older and stronger and can slice it off with a knife. I hate him. I dream every day about killing him, and I know immediately who he is, realizing now why as soon as I heard his name from Dr. Beall, all my memories of pain were associated with him.
“I don’t deserve this, Dr. Thomas. None of this is my fault, and you are going to regret this. I’ll make sure you pay for this.”
“Ravenna? Are you okay?”
I hear Nolan’s voice, but I can’t open my mouth to speak. I’m too busy clenching my jaw as hard as I can. Pain…so much pain. It hurts everywhere and it never stops.
The electric shock waves that shoot through my body, needles stabbing up and down my arms… Forced into a tub filled with ice cubes and freezing cold water and made to sit there for hours, strapped into a straitjacket and left in a pitch-black room for days at a time… Being starved, being beaten, and so many other things that all come flooding back, making me want to scream and claw at the skin on my face and rip the hair from my head.
“Ravenna, answer me,” Nolan says again, his voice finally penetrating my thoughts.
“I’m fine. Where was I?” I ask calmly, moving away from the cage and farther into the basement where it starts to get darker, the single bulb at the base of the stairs unable to provide enough light.
“Are you sure?” he asks, his voice full of fear and concern.
His fear wraps around me like a warm blanket. I want him to be afraid. I want him to be concerned for my well-being. I’ve taken that final step at the edge of the cliff and I’m falling so fast that no one can save me now.
The secrets are hidden in the walls of this prison. They will destroy you before they set you free.
I chuckle out loud, thinking again about the words I wrote in my journal. These remaining secrets that are so close I feel like I can reach out and touch them can go ahead and try to destroy me. Nothing can crush me. I’ve lived my life in the bowels of hell, and it only made me stronger.
Flipping the switch on my flashlight, I aim the beam into the shadows in front of me, the light reaching all the way to the wall at the end of the basement. I continue walking until there’s nowhere else to go.
“There’s a door here, but it’s camouflaged into the stone,” I say robotically as my hand automatically moves right where it needs to go. “There’s a room back here, but no one knows about it. It’s where bad things happened. Very bad things.”
“You haven’t seen the bones. Didn’t anyone tell you the story of the men who died down here? How do I know something about this place that you don’t?”
“I should have known you’d be too scared to do it. Move out of the way; I’m not afraid of anything.”
“Why am I doing this? Because they deserve to know what it feels like to lose everything. Swallow the water, breathe it in, close your eyes and just slip away. It will only hurt for a moment, and then you’ll be free.”