“Connor.”
I know I’m getting short with her, so I try to calm myself. I’m angry with Ethan, not her. “Every time Connor was around, Ethan would shut down and tense up.”
Dr. Kate crosses her hands in her lap. “Cassie, tell me more about Connor.”
I pause for a moment. “He was open. Sweet. Caring.”
“Handsome?”
“Yes. Very.”
Dr. Kate nods. “No wonder Ethan chose him to be the focus of his aggression and insecurities. The mammalian brain doesn’t always work logically when it comes to a perceived threat. In Ethan’s mind, Connor had the potential to steal you away. His primitive instincts would have reacted to that.”
“So that’s why he turned into such a caveman every time Connor was around?”
“Sadly, yes.”
I clasp my hands together and squeeze. “Unbelievable.”
Dr. Kate pauses. “How’s your anxiety?”
“Getting up there.”
“So Ethan’s jealousy upset you?”
I sigh. “At first I found it attractive that he was so possessive. But then…”
“It got worse?”
“Yes. When we got back together, he really did try to not let on just how bad it was.”
“Did he succeed?”
“Up to a point.”
“Which point?”
Sweat breaks out on my forehead. “Graduate showcase. Senior year.”
Erika opens the large file on her desk and hands out stacks of papers.
“Ladies and gentlemen, as you know, the Senior Showcase is only a couple of months away, and these are your assigned scenes. If you haven’t already submitted which monologues you’d like to perform, please do so ASAP. Remember, this showcase will be viewed by producers, agents, sponsors, and important industry professionals. Make it count.”
I nibble at my thumbnail. The Senior Showcase scares the crap out of me. If you do well, you can fast-forward straight into a professional career. If you don’t, you need to wade into the world of endless cattle calls and auditions. The pressure to be good is kind of ridiculous.
“Did you hear about what happened last year?” Miranda whispers. “Nearly half the class got offered contracts for shows all over the place.”
“Like where?” I whisper back.
“L.A., Toronto, London, Europe, San Francisco … even Broadway.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep. Shit’s serious, man.”
As if I wasn’t nervous enough.
I’m just about to demolish my other thumbnail when Ethan grabs my hand and laces his fingers through mine. “Quit it. I like you with fingernails.”
“I’m freaking out.”
“I know. Stop. It’s infectious.”
“Do you think we’ll get a scene together?”
“We’d better. I’m never as good as when I’m onstage with you.” He squeezes my hand and smiles.
God, I love him. Still haven’t told him that, of course. Still waiting for the right moment. Every time I try, my heart pounds like I’m a frightened rabbit.
Doesn’t mean I don’t feel it, though.
Erika gives us our scene allocations and says, “Now, I’ve thought long and hard about these groups and pairings. I’ve tried to give you all scenes in which you’re working to your strengths, but I also need you to show your range. Therefore, some of the scenes you’ll have performed before, but some will be new. You’ll all perform three scenes and two monologues. One of your monologues must be Shakespeare.”
I look down the list. Ethan and I will be doing the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. Thank God. Something I know I’m going to nail. Ethan and Connor will be performing their scene from Enemy Inside. No surprise there. They were excellent.
It’s interesting to see that Ethan is paired with Jack for Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. I’ve never really seen Ethan do comedy. I’m excited for him.
My other two scenes are new: Jean Genet’s The Maids, with Zoe and Phoebe, and something called Portrait, with Connor.
The scripts for all the excerpts are paper-clipped to the rehearsal schedule. I’m already familiar with The Maids, so I flip through Portrait to see what it’s about.
I only get two pages in before stopping short.
Oh.
Oh, God. No.
Ethan is going to lose his shit.
Dr. Kate takes off her glasses. “I take it the play had some controversial content.”
If I weren’t so tense, I’d laugh. “You could say that. But I think if I’d been paired with anyone but Connor, Ethan wouldn’t have cared so much.”
“His reaction was extreme?”
A chill runs up my spine. “Actually, no. It wasn’t the reaction I’d expected at all.”
He’s quiet. And still.
The thought of him ranting and raging was bad enough. This is so much worse.
“Please say something.”
He blinks.
The energy in the room is beyond tense. I want to touch him, but I have no idea how he’ll react.
“Ethan, it’s no big deal.”
He frowns and nods.