Instead, I fist my hands by my sides. Letting her take the lead. Letting her do what she likes.
I step from my pants. I am naked. And she steps away from me. Light filters in through the blinds. Light slices over her skin, an erotic dance as she slowly, so slowly, slides her hands up her own hips. Over her ribs where she catches the hem of her blouse and slides it up, slowly, over her skin.
Inch by glorious inch, she exposes herself. Her skin is bathed in soft shadows and light, a dark, dusky softness I want to taste.
I move to her. Drop to my knees. Her skin is soft and warm beneath my touch. I press my lips to her belly. Lick her a little, all while watching her. Her golden eyes darken a little. Her lips part. I love watching her. Doing this to her.
It doesn't matter that nothing works for me. It only matters that she feels. That she arches beneath my mouth, my tongue. Her fingers slide over my scalp.
I rest my head against her belly for a moment. Just a moment. I savor the feel of her pulse beneath my cheek. I drag her slacks down over her hips and legs and then she is as naked as I am.
"You're so beautiful." I draw her down against me.
She is soft where I am hard, smooth where I'm rough. I feel the heavy weight of her breasts against my chest, her belly against mine. Her neck is warm beneath my lips, her pulse hammering against my lips. "Lie down," I whisper.
She tries to draw me down with her. I shake my head. "On your belly."
She arches one eyebrow. I kiss her softly. "Trust me."
She swallows, then turns slowly, so slowly, away from me. Watching me as she crawls onto the bed, her body exposed and open for me.
She lowers her shoulders, leaving her hips arched high. For a moment I can imagine standing behind her, sliding into her where she is warm and tight. I can almost feel her body pulsing around my cock as I slip deeper inside her.
It is a fantasy I would kill to fulfill.
Instead, I run my hands over the smooth curve of her ass, then urge her down, lower, until her hips are pressed into the bed.
I want to hold her. To savor her.
But that will never be enough.
I lean forward and press my lips to the small of her back at the center of her spine.
And shatter a little more.
Abby
I shiver the moment his lips touch my spine. I can't help it. There is something illicit about his hands caressing my hips and his mouth just there in the small of my back.
His breath is warm against my skin, a stark contrast to the comforter that suddenly feels too rough. I don't usually notice the air, but tonight, I can feel every stir of it against my flesh.
His legs have trapped me. Rough and hard, they're pressed to the outside of my thighs. I press mine against his, trying to spread them, a silent offering.
He makes a noise, deep in his throat. His palm is hard on the curve of my ass, sliding down over my skin, achingly close to the place I want him to touch me. To fill me.
He urges my thighs apart, just a little. The cool air kisses me where I'm wet and hot. His hands slide over my inner thighs, closer, closer. I arch a little more, begging silently. He brushes a single fingertip over the seam of my body. I can feel the slickness there and I want him, any part of him, inside me.
I make a sound, a whisper. A plea. I don't know any more. I can't say. I am lost in sensation as he teases me. His lips, his fingers. He's driving me closer to the edge. Closer to coming, all without touching me where I need him to touch me.
"Please." I'm not above begging now.
But he simply makes that noise again, his palm sliding closer then further away. Close again, a single finger teasing me, just along the edge. My thighs are wet now, my entire body alive with sensation. Pleasure.
My fingers twist in the comforter.
And all the while, he simply slides his fingers closer, away. His lips trace small bites over my shoulders, the blades of my back, while his fingers tease me. He nuzzles my hair out of the way.
And then he moves. All at once. He bites down on the edge of my neck where I am soft and sensitive while he fills me. Two fingers slide inside my body–finally, finally.
I shatter. I come apart at the edges, rocking against his fingers as he moves them inside me, touching me where I need him so desperately. The orgasm rockets through me again and again, twisting me apart, dragging me under until I forget everything–all the hurt, all the pain, everything but Josh. Josh's lips. Josh's fingers. His big body surrounding me until I am lost.
Drifting and silent, my body hums. His fingers are inside me, moving slowly, guiding me slowly, slowly back to earth. To my bedroom.
To him.
When I am no longer vibrating, when my body no longer shudders as his fingers fill me, he slips them gently from my body. I try not to notice the emptiness now.
And then he pulls me against him, his chest to my back, his thighs cradling mine, his arms surrounding me.
I squeeze my eyes shut tight, unwilling to spoil the moment with tears.
Unable to stop the hurt that I know this will bring.