“Come on, now you’re being unfair. Please tell me that you know me better than that. I mean, you get upset with me for being, what, honest? Yet you can’t be honest with me. I would never judge what happened to you. All I ever wanted was to help you heal. I’m here to hold you if you have to break down, be vulnerable, and I’m here to help build you back up. But trust goes two ways. If there’s no trust, there’s no us. I can’t do this without you.”
Us. His words freeze me in place. He steps away and starts shoving his clothes into his duffel bag. I watch in silence while Zeus whines. “I don’t understand what you’re saying…”
“I care about you, and I know you feel something for me. Damn it, I risk my life every day for you and I never once second-guessed it. But I need you to open up to me or I can’t keep doing this. With everything we’ve been through, you should at least trust me enough to let me in. Trust is the basis for a relationship, you know.” He’s finished.
“What on Earth are you talking about? We’re not allowed to be together even if we both want it.” Tears leak from my eyes with a fury as I stand and watch him pack his things. Did he say he wanted to be together? Did he say relationship? Does he think I’m his girlfriend? I can’t.
Everyone’s keeping secrets from me, breaking me into pieces.
He doesn’t even bother folding his stuff, just throws it in. When he finishes, he drags my old mattress into the other room and stays there.
I want to climb into his arms and plead with him to lie next to me. But I can’t. I won’t let him die because of my own selfish desires. Then my thoughts wander back to Keegan and I cringe.
Zeus puts his paw on the bed and I allow him to be my comfort for now. I lie on Cole’s bed, my face buried in the pillow, as he jumps up beside me. I rub his ears and cry. Nightmares easily overtake me.
Wilson and my stepfather, wearing twin, sadistic expressions, stand on the podium in front of the hospital.
“Come on up. We won’t hurt you. We swear.”
Like a lamb to the slaughter, my legs lead me up the rough, wooden stairs onto the stage. The whole world watches, and a spotlight rests upon my face, burning my eyes with its excruciating white light.
Cole stands with his hands tied behind him, and on the other side stands Keegan, also bound. Except Keegan looks like the boy I knew as a child. He’s ten again, with wavy brown hair and a knack for getting into trouble.
“Choose,” Wilson says, shoving me forward.
I fall onto my knees, prostrate before them. “I can’t. I don’t understand…”
A hand smashes across my face, sprawling me out and sending pain throughout my body. My vision blurs and I see double of my stepfather standing over me.
A chilling smile precedes his words. “Choose who dies. Or we kill them both.”
My eyes wander to Cole, standing with bound hands and pleading eyes. And then they hold the image of ten-year-old Keegan close. The past or the future… What to do when I love both?
Wilson moves toward Keegan and whips back his head, forcing a scream from his throat.
“You always were a weakling.” My stepfather nods at Wilson, who promptly slices Keegan’s neck. His head falls forward in an awkward motion as the scarlet blood soaks through his dirty blue T-shirt.
I scream.
The siren mixes with my silent scream as I wake in a sweaty panic. My shirt and pants stick to my body as I gasp for air. The dream was so real.
Checking my old room, I see Cole’s asleep. I very slowly grab a pen and a piece of paper. Then I sit at the table and write. When I’m finished, I fold the paper in half and tuck it down into his bag. I climb back into bed quietly just as the sun starts to rise.
He walks down the hallway between our rooms and gets ready to leave. I peek between my eyelids and see him in his dress uniform looking handsome and crisp. His face tells another story though. He looks pained, his eyes anguished with the decision he has to make. The next moment, he kisses my forehead, pulling wisps of hair away from my face, and he’s gone.
CHAPTER 12
The world seems black and food tastes like cardboard. It should make me feel better that he was honest, but instead, it confuses me more. He really doesn’t want me hurt. Well, this hurt. It hurts like hell, and I can’t smother the fire. He was trying to do the right thing, right? Then why am I more depressed than I’ve ever been in my eighteen years? I need Cole. I miss him. I miss Zeus. I miss us.
Bruno shows up to do some more training before work, and I go through with it, but I’m lifeless and possess no fire.
“I think it’s time we call it quits,” he says while unwrapping his hands. “Are you okay?”
I don’t feel like answering. I pick myself off the floor and grumble while heading to the bathroom to shower. I barely have the strength to stand there and let the water wash over me. Nothing brings me joy, pleasure, or even a hint of reprieve. All I can think about is our argument and his words—his words that stung like flaming darts aimed directly at my heart. I can only imagine what he’ll think when he reads my letter, if he reads it at all.