Born to Ride_A Clubhouse Collection

chapter 11

Madison

I woke up the next morning feeling low. Remembering Bec last night had been hard and I was thankful that J had been there for me when I got back. That was a hard thing to admit to myself. I just wanted to hate him and not have anything to do with him, but then he had to go and be nice to me. And the things he did to my body. God, I was so messed up about him. He’d been back in my life for less than a week and here I was, wanting him all over again.

I decided to put thoughts of J aside and focus on my plan to move back here. First order of business would be to call Gina and let her know I wouldn’t be coming back to work. Thank goodness I had saved some money to get me through until I found a job here.

I grabbed my phone and dialled her number. “Hi, babe,” she answered.

“Hey, Gina. I have some bad news for you.” I decided to get straight to the point.

“You’re not coming back are you?”

“I’m so sorry to do this at such short notice but no, I am staying here. My friend’s kid needs me,” I answered her, really regretting having to do this to her.

“I understand, and actually wondered if you might end up staying. You’re just lucky I love you, otherwise I would send Zane after you,” she threatened, but I heard the smile in her voice.

I shuddered at that thought. Zane was Blake’s and Gina’s brother, and a man you didn’t mess with. I had only met him a few times and he scared the living shit out of me. I never asked Gina or Blake much about him because I really just didn’t want to know who or what he was.

We chatted a bit more and I promised to visit her often before hanging up. I scrolled through my phone and hit Blake’s number.

“Baby girl, how are you?” he said as he answered his phone.

“Have you got a few hours?” I asked, jokingly.

He chuckled, “That bad? Do you need me to come and sort shit out?”

The thing about Blake was that, he would do that for me. In a heartbeat. “I appreciate that but no, you’ve got your own things to take care of and I’m a big girl; it’s time for me to sort out everything I walked away from years ago.”

“Yeah, I guess it is. How’s J? Still being a caveman?” I could hear the annoyance in his voice.

“J will always be a caveman, it’s just who he is. I’m so confused about him, Blake.” I decided that perhaps a guy’s perspective might be insightful.

“In what way?”

I hadn’t ever told my friends much about my relationship with J so I figured it was time to open up a bit now; especially if I wanted advice. “I left Brisbane because he told me to. We had been broken up for about six months but I thought we were going to get back together, and then he told me he didn’t love me anymore and that I needed to leave. He was the one who lined my job up with Gina, through another club member who knew her, I think. He said I needed space from the club to get my drinking sorted. He broke my heart but I thought I was over him. Now I’m not so sure. And he is running hot and cold with me; one minute being an a*shole and then being nice. I don’t know what the f*ck to make of it all.”

“Talk to him. But you need to work out what you want first,” he said.

“You are such a guy, Blake. You make it sound so easy,” I sighed. Why did guys think that every situation was so black and white?

“Well, why do women make everything so hard?” he asked.

“We don’t!”

He laughed, “Yeah, you do. We’ll have to agree to disagree. Just promise me you’ll talk to him.”

“I’ll try but all we seem to do is argue so it might not be as easy as you suggest,” I promised.

“Show him a bit of leg, it’ll shut him up for a minute and give you time to talk,” he suggested.

Now it was my turn to laugh. “Great plan, maybe I’ll flash my tits too, you know, to give me even more time.”

“Settle down, you want him to be coherent don’t you? Flashing your tits will send all the blood from his brain to his dick. Take my advice, no tits.”

“Okay, legs it is. Now, did Serena tell you that I’m moving back here?” I asked, and we talked some more about my move and what was going on in his life before ending the call. I knew it wouldn’t be long before one of us made the trip to visit the other; we couldn’t go too long without needing to see each other.

***

“Madison, good to see you, babe.”

I’d made my way downstairs to the club bar, and now turned towards the voice I knew so well and threw myself at him. “Nash. I’ve missed you,” I said, as we hugged.

“You’re still as f*cking hot as you were last time I saw you,” he said, looking me up and down.

“And you’re still as f*cking pervy as you were last time I saw you, “I slapped him on the arm, all the while smiling at him.

He grinned that wicked smile I remembered and shrugged. “Yep, and still the hot ass you missed out on when you chose that f*cker, J.”

Now it was my turn to grin at him, “Didn’t know what I was getting myself into there, did I? And to think I could have had you.”

“F*cker’s still got a hard on for you, too. He’s got p-ssy anywhere he wants but none of it does what you did for him,” Nash said, shaking his head.

What the f*ck? My mouth dropped open in shock, and I was about to quiz him when we were interrupted.

“Nash,” J’s voice boomed from behind me and I spun around to see him shooting daggers at Nash. Oh, god, I felt bad for Nash. He and J had always had a hard relationship and J had never taken kindly to Nash’s flirting with me.

Nash leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Looks like it’s time for me to get out of here.” He kissed my cheek, winked at me and said, “Later, sweet thing.” He lifted his chin at J and then left us alone.

J walked toward me with a fierce determination and my stomach fluttered. He had a feral look in his eyes and, f*ck, it did things to me. “He’s right,” he said as he stopped right in front of me; so close, too close.

My brain couldn’t function properly when he was this close to me. His smell engulfed me and I wanted to reach out to touch him, taste him. It was too much and I tried to push him away but he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer. Our bodies were touching now and I felt it not only physically, but also in my soul. He bent and breathed in the scent of me too. “F*ck, you smell so f*cking good,” he groaned as he pressed even closer so that I could feel his erection against me.


My body took over and I reached my hand up to wrap around his neck while lifting my lips to his. Our eyes met and I could see the same need in his that I had. His arms encircled me, and he ran one hand over my ass before tilting his head and finally kissing me. God, it felt so good; his hands roaming over me, his lips and tongue devouring me, and a thrill ran through me. A deep and uncontrollable urge took over and I pushed myself right into him; I needed to get as close as I possibly could. My hands gripped his hair and I plunged my tongue into his mouth, kissing him hard. He groaned again and that sound set me off even more. F*ck, I couldn’t get enough of him. It had been so long without his touch and I needed more.

J suddenly pushed me away and raked his hand through his hair, looking utterly torn. “F*ck!” he sputtered.

I was still trying to get my wits about me; my brain was scrambled from that kiss, and I was confused about what Nash had said. I looked J dead in the eyes and demanded, “What did Nash mean by that?”

“Exactly what he f*cking said, babe.”

I scrunched my eyebrows together, still not getting it, “You still want me?”

“Jesus, how many other ways do you need it said? I never stopped wanting you,” he replied in a gruff voice.

I threw my hands up in the air. “Well, why the f*ck did you tell me to leave?” I yelled, starting to get angry.

“You needed to get out, get away from the club and all the shit that had gone down. You needed to deal with your drinking and I thought you could do that better somewhere else.”

“No! You don’t get to say that. That’s a load of shit, J. Tell me the real f*cking reason,” I demanded. Deep down, I knew there had to be more to this, I always had but it was easier just to let it sit there in my subconscious rather than trying to work it out.

He was exasperated by my outburst and I momentarily wondered if I had pushed him too far. “I had to. The club... “ he was pacing wildly now, “The club needed you gone.”

“What?” I held my breath, waiting for his explanation. None of this was making a lot of sense to me.

He stopped pacing and fixed pained eyes on me; he was calmer now too, like he had settled something in his mind. “Baby, you need to know that I never wanted you to leave. But after what happened with Nix, the club swore blood and we needed you gone to be able to do that. There was no way Nix would give you up if you were still here so we arranged for that job with Gina and sent you away,” he came closer to me again and reached for my hand, holding it, “The only reason I told you that I didn’t love you anymore was to make sure you would leave. I did it for your safety, you’ve gotta know that. I did love you; I still f*cking do.”

“No! You said you didn’t want me. I moved on!” I shouted, getting in his face. I was really angry now. How dare the club control my life like that, and how dare he give me up for the f*cking club.

“Are you listening to me, Madison? Did you hear me say...”

I cut him off and shoved at him, “It’s too f*cking late, J. You gave up on us, you took the club’s side like you always did. I didn’t need revenge on Nix, I just needed out from him and I was out.”

J glowered at me and took a step back. “Let’s get one thing straight, right now. I did not give up on us. And I did not f*cking take the club’s side every time,” he thundered, “But babe, you’ve gotta understand that when the club rules like they did, I got no choice.”

I stabbed a finger at him, “And that right there, is the f*cking problem! We never had a chance with the club controlling us.”

“Madison, the club ruled and I followed through. Jesus babe, you grew up in the club, you know how it works. Our problems weren’t to do with the club.”

“Well the club had a lot to do with them. The club, and its way of dealing with shit.”

He cocked his head to the side and studied me for a moment, “What exactly are we talking about now?” he asked, and I wished I had kept my mouth shut; I didn’t want to have this conversation today.

“J, this conversation is pointless...”

He came closer to me again, his breathing ragged and his face a picture of anger. Bending down to meet my eyes he spat, “I f*cking tell you that I still love you, and you tell me this conversation is pointless?”

And just like that, the anger seeped out of me and all I felt now was desire. J had invaded my space and my senses again, and telling me he still loved me only heightened my craving for him. I knew I needed to get out of here; I couldn’t think straight when he was this close, and right now I really needed to sort through my conflicting thoughts and feelings.

“I’m waiting for an answer, Madison. Is this conversation pointless?”

“I don’t know, J, okay. I need some time to think,” I finally answered him.

He stood up straight, his eyes intense and focused on mine. He took a moment and then said, “I’ll give you some time. But then we talk. And babe, we will talk about every f*cking thing we should have talked about two years ago.”

With that, he turned and left me alone; alone to contemplate the conversation that we would finally be having. He was absolutely right. There were things that should have been said all those years ago; things that I still found hard to even think about, let alone talk about.

Shit.

But first, I needed to sort out the mess of feelings I was having about J. Why the f*ck couldn’t life ever be easy?