Born to Ride_A Clubhouse Collection

chapter 3

Madison

“Hello, my name is Madison, and I am an alcoholic.”

“Hello, Madison,” the group responded and I proceeded to share my story. This group was my safe place and tonight I needed them in a way that I hadn’t for a very long time. As I finished, I blew out my breath and let the group’s acceptance and support envelope me. I felt it seep into my bones and glanced around the room, offering a small smile in thanks. Someone else started sharing their story and I sat back and silently lent my support, as had been done for me.

When I first started coming here two years ago I absolutely hated it. Although I knew I had to get my shit together, the last thing I wanted to do was give up drinking. It was the shield I used to stop the grime of life from touching me. When I drank I could just let it pass on by. In the end, however, it sent me to a place I never wanted to go back to. I may have fought this group and what it offered for a while, but I had made myself a promise to clean up my act, and I had followed through on this. Slowly, I realised that the support I found here was exactly what I needed.

I attended meetings weekly now. Not so much because I still craved alcohol, because I didn’t. No, it was more out of habit now and to make sure I never went there again. As I looked around the room, I saw people at varying stages of their journey. The ones I liked to focus on were the AA newbies. They reminded me of how far I had come and the fact that I was so much stronger now.

Tonight, though, I was feeling a little bit vulnerable. Thinking about Storm and J had stirred up old feelings of hurt and anger; feelings I had spent the last couple of years avoiding. To get from where I was then to where I was now, I had had to lock away all thoughts of J. I hadn’t allowed myself to think about him and that had worked for me. It wasn’t working so well now. And while I didn’t feel like a drink, I knew myself enough to know that I needed to be here, at the meeting tonight.

The meeting ended soon after and I headed straight out rather than staying for a coffee. I stepped out into the warm January night and lit a cigarette as I walked home. My mind was already onto my list of jobs for tonight. Christ, I was supposed to call my brother over an hour ago. I pulled my phone out and dialled him. No answer. F*ck. He would be pissed at me. I left a message and then sent a text to Serena, to let her know I was on my way home.

Me: On my way, what’s for dinner?

Serena: F*ck off. You’re taking me out.

Me: Am I? Make sure you wear that slutty dress for me.

Serena: Oh I’ll wear it babe but I’m not putting out.

God, how I loved this chick. She was my sunshine at the end of a shitty day. Even on days like today when I was exhausted, she managed to pick me up. I would forever be thankful for the day she came into my life. When I moved to Coffs Harbour I hadn’t expected to find a new family, but that’s just what I did find. I had started a job in a clothing boutique and Serena was my workmate. She and I had hit it off straight away; we shared the same sense of humour, and bonded over our love for slutty dresses, heels and inked men. Serena introduced me to her inner circle of friends and I became fast friends with them as well. Now the five of us were inseparable and they were always there for me.

My phone rang and I answered it with some attitude as I figured it was my brother calling back. “Scott, what the f*ck is so urgent that you felt the need to leave five shitty messages for me?”

A chuckle came down the line. “Babe, you’ve got the wrong man.”

“Oh, shit. Sorry Blake, I thought you were Scott. Thank god it is you.” I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Obviously. What have you done to piss him off?” he asked.

“Nothing. You know what Scott is like. Always finding something to be pissy about,” I snapped. Jesus, just thinking about my brother gave me the shits.


“Babe.” Blake paused and I was sure I could actually hear his mind ticking over. “The words pissy and Scott Cole do not go together in the same sentence. Your brother is far too intense that pissy just doesn’t cover it.”

I blew out a long, frustrated breath. “Yeah, you’re right about that.” Blake had met Scott a couple of times, so he had seen firsthand just how intense my brother could be. “Blake, why are you calling me?”

“Gina told me what a shit day you had so I’ve made you dinner. Bring Serena too.”

“You’re a superstar, Blake Stone. We’ll be there in about half an hour.”

“See you then,” he said and we hung up. My day had just gotten better; it’s funny how the simple things that friends do for you can mean so much.

***

Two hours later I was at Blake’s house when my brother finally returned my call.

“Scott.” I answered and mentally banged my head against the wall. I really didn’t want to deal with his shit tonight.

“You been updated?” Yep, he was pissed at me.

I sighed. “Yeah, Griff called.” I hesitated and then threw caution to the wind. “Scott, I don’t need or even want to be kept in the loop on this shit.” I held my breath and waited for what I knew would not be a pretty reply.

“F*ck, Madison! You got no choice. The club needs to make sure you are safe, so you need to f*ckin’ wise up and take this shit in.”

“What part of ‘I’m out’ don’t you understand?” I rubbed my eyes. It was too late for this argument.

“What part of ‘you are never out’ do you not f*ckin’ understand?” he snapped back.

I knew I was testing my brother’s patience but I gave up caring about that a long time ago. I sat silently, trying to process what he was saying.

“Why do we have to rehash this crap every time you decide I should come back?” I searched for Blake’s eyes and found them focused on me. He gave me a tight smile and I just shook my head back at him. This stuff between Scott and me never got any easier and Blake knew how hard it was for me.

Scott softened his tone, “Madison, it’s different this time. Nix is involved.”

And with that, he had me. I sighed again, resigned. “Okay, talk to me.”

“Nix has made threats against the club so Dad wants you to leave Coffs Harbour. Move back here, where we can protect you.” Scott finally got to the reason for the call.

“No.” There was no way I was moving back.

“Why the f*ck do you have to be so f*ckin’ stubborn about this?” Scott was pissed again and I imagined him pacing and getting ready to punch something.

“Scott, you know what I left. I can’t go back.” I pleaded. I walked out onto the balcony and quickly lit a cigarette and took a long drag on it. Scott had stopped talking and I hoped he was remembering the mess I was when I left two years ago.

“Ok,” he blew out a long breath. “But I’m putting a guy on you.”

This was not what I wanted but I knew better than to argue. It was Scott’s version of compromising, and as he was not known for compromising, ever, I was grateful.

***

The next morning I woke up with an uneasy feeling in my gut, wondering where all this shit with the club would end up. I made a coffee and took it into the shower with me. Not being a morning person, I needed a caffeine hit to get me going. Serena, on the other hand, was always up at five am to get her run in before work. I didn’t understand this current trend for running and really couldn’t comprehend anyone wanting to get up that early to do it. As I took my shower I could hear her crashing around in the kitchen making breakfast. I cringed at the thought of the mess she would create making one of her juices; a mess that I would have to clean up.

“Maddy, do you want me to make you some breakfast?” she yelled out.

“No honey, but thanks. I’m just going to grab something on the way.”

“Okay,” she replied and I smiled to myself. She might struggle in the domestic department but at least she tried. One day she would make someone a good wife because she truly loved to take care of those around her.

I finished my shower and took some time to blow dry my hair and fix my makeup. Normally I didn’t spend a lot of time on this but today I was feeling down, and on down days I liked to look my best. I looked in the mirror and didn’t mind what I saw. Even though I had done some hard living, I had come through pretty much unscathed. Since giving up alcohol I had made an effort to live pretty healthily and I was fit and strong thanks to yoga and crossfit. I had fairly flawless skin that I had inked a few times with images and words that held significance to the highs and lows of my life. The most prominent reminder of the shit I had done in my life was the long scar that Rob had inflicted on me; it glared at me every damn day, but I didn’t begrudge it. Whenever Serena or Blake suggested I ink over it, I always said no; I needed to see it to keep me focused on a path that would take me far away from where I once was.

“I’m ready,” I announced as I headed into the kitchen to grab my lunch out of the fridge. Serena and I had a shift together today which I was really looking forward to.

“Let me just put my hair up and then we can go,” she replied and slapped my ass on her way out of the kitchen.

I laughed and shook my head at her. Yep, it was going to be a good day.

Five minutes later, Serena reappeared with her hair done. She tilted her head and smiled at me; I knew she was sussing out my mental state. “How you doing, chica?” she finally asked.

“I’m not sure,” I was honest, “The fact that Nix is involved in all of this worries me. Scott didn’t give me a lot of info to go on but I can only imagine it is bad. Nix is a motherf*cker you don’t want to mess with.”

Serena nodded, “Yeah, I’ve worked that out from some of the stuff you’ve told me in the past. How the hell did you end up dating him?”

I sighed. “I was so messed up and pissed off with J, and Nix was just there one night and it felt like a good idea at the time. Dad and I weren’t really speaking and I was annoyed at him too and I knew that being with Nix would shit him. I think I kinda did it to get back at all of them; J, Dad and Scott.”

This was the most I had spoken about my relationship with Nix to Serena and she encouraged me to keep sharing. “So you hooked up with him and then kept seeing him?”

“Yeah, he was really into it. Me, not so much but it had been six months since I broke up with J and I was lonely. I was drinking pretty heavily by then and Nix was the only one who didn’t give me grief for it,” I gently shook my head as the memories came flooding back. “When I was drinking I was a lot easier to boss around, that’s probably why he liked me drinking. I just didn’t give enough of a shit about anything and went along with whatever he wanted.”

Serena moved closer to me and touched me gently on the arm; on my scar. “Did Nix do this to you?”

“No.” Shit, this conversation was making me feel ill. The familiar feelings of self-hatred washed over me, my hands started to feel tingly and my head was beginning to spin. Nausea took hold of my stomach and I actually thought I might vomit. No-one besides J and Scott knew how I got my scar and it was something that I never wanted Serena or anyone else to find out.

“Hey honey, are you okay?” Serena sensed my distress and directed me to sit on the couch. She ran into the kitchen and got me a drink of water which I took gratefully from her.

I downed the water in one go and focused on my breathing. Serena was now sitting beside me and rubbing my back. I knew she was worried but I didn’t have it in me just yet to ease her concerns. All I could think about was that my past was finally going to catch up with me. F*ck Nix. Why did he have to come back into my life? He wasn’t the reason for all the crap that had happened but he was the climax to it all. And now he was going to be the catalyst for it all flaring up again.

Serena looked at her watch. “We should probably get to work otherwise Gina will be in a foul mood with us all day for being late.”

I looked at her and nodded my head and gave her a small smile. “Thanks,” I whispered, grateful that she knew I needed this conversation to be over.

***

“Oh, god these shoes are killing my feet,” Serena complained as she fell onto the couch and ripped her shoes off.

It had been a long day at work and the fact that we both wore heels to work even though we were on our feet for nearly eight hours a day didn’t help. A girl’s gotta look good though and heels really help you rock what you’ve got. It was Friday night and we both had the weekend off and were in the process of making plans for the weekend. Blake had rounded everyone up to come to his restaurant, Scarlett, for dinner tonight. Tomorrow was gearing up to be a girl’s day out shopping. Sunday was still open for discussion but I was hoping for some time in the sun.

“What time did Blake say dinner was?” Serena asked.

“Eight o’clock,” I answered and pulled my phone out to see if I had any messages.

“I’m going to take a shower unless you want to go first,” she said but I waved her away as I had just discovered a message from Scott.

Scott: Will you be home tonight?

Me: No.

Scott: Text me the address of where you will be. I’ve got a guy on the way.

Me: You’re kidding right? I’m fine tonight, send him tomorrow.

My phone rang and I rolled my eyes when I saw it was Scott. “I’m with friends tonight, Scott. They will look out for me,” I answered the phone.

“Madison, just give me the goddamn address. He’ll be there in a couple of hours,” he snapped.

I sighed long and loud. “Fine,” I said and gave him the restaurant’s address.

I heard him repeat it to someone in the background and then he ended our conversation with, “I’ll be there towards the end of next week to try and talk some sense into you,” and he hung up.

I threw my phone on the couch and stomped into my bedroom. Why the f*ck did my brother, father and their club think they could control me and my life? I hoped he sent one of the prospects; they were a lot easier to boss around.

***

Faith threw her head back and laughed so loud that pretty much all eyes in the restaurant were on us. She had a pretty wicked sense of humour and when she found something funny, everyone knew it. Rowan had just relayed a story about something that happened to him at work today and although it was kind of funny, Faith thought it was hilarious. It amazed me that these two used to date a couple of years ago and had managed to stay friends after they broke up. In fact, from what I had been told, they were better friends now than when they dated. I never managed to stay friends with any of my exes.

Rowan leaned across the table and touched my hand. “You’re quiet tonight,” he said quietly while the rest of the group kept bantering back and forth. Rowan was one of the most sensitive guys I had ever met. Serena had introduced us at a party where I knew no-one and he had gone out of his way to stay close to me that night and make sure I was okay. He was also the guy who would bring you soup and medication when you had the flu and the guy who gave up his plans to go to a football game when you needed someone to go with you to visit your sick grandfather. Yep, he had done those things for me as well as so much more. He was also one of the hottest guys I had ever met; tall, really well built, covered in ink and bald. However, neither of us were interested in anything more and I valued his friendship.

“Yeah, there’s some stuff going down with Scott and the club. He’s trying to get me to go back home again,” I replied.

“And you’re refusing again?” he grinned and shook his head. Rowan and I had often discussed my brother’s desire for me to return home, and because he had sisters he felt sympathetic towards Scott.

I nodded emphatically, “Of course I am. So now he is sending someone here to look out for me.” I rolled my eyes.

Rowan laughed, “You would drive me f*cking insane if you were my sister, Madison. I can just imagine the hell you are going to give this poor guy.”

At that exact moment I glimpsed him entering the restaurant; the guy that Scott had sent. And I couldn’t believe my f*cking eyes. Over six foot of pure muscle, tanned and inked skin, dark hair and piercing blue eyes; he was as gorgeous today as the last time I saw him. My heart started beating faster and I blocked everything else out as my mind focused on the man that was heading straight for me. He looked as pissed as I was. Yeah, I bet he didn’t want this gig and I could picture the battle he probably had with Scott about it.

I pushed my chair back and stood up, ready to face him. It had been two years since we had seen each other and while my head was screaming that it didn’t want to see him, my body was betraying me. I had that fluttery feeling in my stomach; felt that familiar deep need in my core. No man had ever affected me like he did.

He walked up to me, ignoring everyone around us. “Madison.”

His gravelly voice did me in, it always had. I felt weak at the knees and gripped the chair to steady myself; there was no way he would see me falter now. He had sent me away two years ago; ripped my heart out and crushed it, and I would be damned if he discovered what he was still capable of doing to me. I lifted my face and met his eyes, “J.”