Blessed Tragedy

chapter Nine



As quickly as most of the end of our tour flew by, the last two days dragged on forever. I've never considered myself to be the type of person who needed sex to be happy. Once my mind processed the idea of satisfying those needs, it wasn't happy to be denied.

I really thought I was going to be forced to hide his lifeless body behind the Coliseum in Jackson. Colton's entire argument for why we should take the plunge was that we'd done everything but have sex. To me, that meant he wanted to do just that. Temporarily forgetting that Colton was anything but a typical man, I thought of nothing but getting him naked as soon as we got back to the bus. Even when I was standing in front of a sold-out crowd, he'd been the only thing I could think of. It was a wonder I didn't forget the lyrics or trip over my own feet.

As soon as we figured we could sneak out of the after party without pissing off anyone, Colton grabbed my hand and we walked as fast as possible towards the exit. Colton held the door open for me but was immediately at my side. That was probably a good thing given the number of women glaring at me. It'd be nice if they could just be happy for us but most of these women were here for one thing; a quick piece of ass from a rock star and given the way Colton held me close to him, it was quickly apparent none of them would be getting a piece of this rocker.

Had it not been for a sliver of my brain that remembered why I was here and that these fans paid good money to see us, I would have grabbed Colton and dragged him to the bus. Okay, I still would have but Colton was far too polite for that. Just like every other night, we sat there signing autographs until the last person left. Unlike every other night, we found ourselves answering questions from inquiring fans who wanted to know if we were, in fact, a couple and if we'd really had a big fight. I swear a few of the girls looked upset when we told them that we hadn't had a fight.

One of these days, I'm gonna stop being nice to these little skanks pawing at my man. That's right, bitches, Colton Bradford is my man. Mine, not yours. Get your nasty little fingers off him.

Between my jealousy of the fans we all dealt with every night and the fact that I was nearly ready to strip naked as we headed to the bus, I felt like a woman possessed. Like Colton had flipped some freaking libido switch earlier.

Safely on the bus and away from camera-wielding pricks, Colton cupped my face in his hands kissed me gently. He pulled the band out of my hair allowing the intense red curls to cascade down my back.

“Do you have any clue how sexy you look up on stage?” He asked breathlessly.

“You can send Tanya a thank you note. She's the one who insists I wear this crap.” I hated having to give her credit for anything but I did take minor amusement in the fact that she was part of the reason I turned him on out there. She'd insisted that the corsets would create a look that drove the guys crazy. In a world where male band members get so much attention from the female fans, she wanted us to have an edge by also awakening the desires of the men. I'd resisted at first because it's not exactly easy to breathe when you're tightened into a corset that's meant to suck in any flaws. When I threatened to put them all in a burn barrel, Tanya promised to find a different style. The tops she found gave the appearance she wanted while allowing me to breathe enough to sing.

“Yeah, probably not,” he said through more kisses as he led me to the back of the bus. “I'm pretty sure she's gonna be pissed about us.”

“So, you thought I was sexy up there tonight?” I asked coyly. I pulled the sweat soaked t-shirt over his head letting it drop to the floor.

“Every night.” When he reached for the laces at the front of my corset, I grabbed his hands and placed them at my back.

“It'll work much better if you just use the zipper.” He groaned as he pulled the zipper down.

“My god, no bra?” There was still a part of me that was getting used to Colton the new boyfriend as opposed to my buddy, and that part laughed at the expression on his face as my top dropped to the ground.

“Why in the hell would I wear a bra with a corset? If I have to wear that shit, it'd better be constructed well enough for support.” I shivered as the cool air in the bus hit my damp skin and again when Colton started running his fingertips along my sides.

“Why in the hell would I need to know anything about that stuff other than how it makes you look? Which, as I said, is incredibly sexy. Distractingly sexy.” Colton placed his hands on my shoulders, holding me at arm's length. The look in his eyes made me feel like he was looking at me for the first time.

Even though I saw Colton shirtless every night, I imagined I was looking at him in much the same way. Seeing him, truly seeing what was standing before me gave me a new appreciation of him. His abs weren't chiseled in the way that made women instantly swoon but there wasn't an ounce of fat on his body. The hair on his chest felt like strands of fine silk between my fingers.

It was just as I reached for Colton's belt buckle that he circled his hands around my wrists pulling them away from his waist.

“We'll be home soon,” Colton whispered as he nipped at my ear lobe. “I'm not going to have our first time together be on this bus. For one thing, it's not really my style. And another thing, I'd rather not have six pervy men sitting out there listening to us.”

“You really are an a*shole, you know that?” I'd spent hours thinking about what was going to happen. I'd let him start to undress me and caress me. After far longer than I'd care to admit, it was time for my dry spell to be over. And now he's saying we wait.

“Wasn't it just this morning when you thought this was all a very bad idea?”

“Yes, but you were quite persuasive.” I flopped onto the bed, completely frustrated. “Sue me; I had a very different image of where tonight was going.”

Colton laid next to me on his stomach, pressing his leg between mine. “And you can counter-sue me for wanting to make the first time special. Trust me; I plan on making it worth the wait.”

I rolled my eyes. Most girls dreamed of candles and flowers and all that frilly shit. Don't get me wrong, there's definitely a time and place for that, but in our room with the bus to ourselves, I couldn't have cared less about any of that.

“Don't try that shit with me, Rain. I'm immune to it.” Colton laughed as he leaned over placing feather-light kisses to my collarbone. The torturous assault continued as his head moved lower, resting between my breasts.

“Comfortable?” I asked when he didn't move.

“Mmm, very. Everyone likes sleeping on new pillows.” His arm wrapped tighter around my middle and I knew we weren't going anywhere for a while. Unfortunately, I also knew from his sigh that he was settling in to take a nap. How he could be thinking about a nap at a time like this was beyond me. Between adrenaline and sexual energy coursing through my veins, I felt like I could run a marathon without a problem.

“Get up,” I said, pushing him off me. “If we're not going to get hot and sweaty back here, I'm going to take a shower. I have to get some of this funk off me.” I'd been so focused on what I thought was going to happen that I was still sweaty and sticky from being under the stage lights.

“Save water?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

Did he or did he not just tell me we weren't going to do anything until we get off this f*cking bus? If he did and I'm not delusional, how in the hell is he thinking us getting naked in close proximity is going to help anything? I'm giving my heart to a moron.

“Yeah, probably not. But we need to hurry if we're going to get back on the bus before they assume we're holed up back here and head to Pensacola without us.”

“You're no fun.” Colton placed his hand on the bed near my shoulder, pushing himself so he was hovering over me. “Just because we're not doing that doesn't mean we can't do other things.”

“Nope. You're the one who wanted to wait, so now you wait.” I slid out from under him and grabbed my shower bag. I planned on doing everything I could to make him regret turning me down.

“I'm an idiot,” I heard him grumble as I walked out the door.



If he thought he was an idiot in that moment, he had forty-eight hours of confirmation from all six men on the bus. Jon and Travis led the charge, making sure comments were made about him not being able to seal the deal when they made sure no one bothered us in Jackson.

I almost felt bad for him. Almost. Then again, they had a point. The first time he had a half-naked woman in his bed, he said no. I'm pretty sure the guys picked up on the fact that it wasn't that I was unwilling since it was impossible for me to hide the smug expression from my face when they were laying into him.



When we loaded onto the bus to start this tour, I planned on hiding in my apartment for a week beginning the minute we got off the bus. Then my mom got sick and I planned to fly home to be with her as soon as the last show was over. Of course, that plan didn't work out so well.

Then Colton and I decided we needed some time to ourselves so we could even out the emotional roller coaster we were pulling everyone on. He and I were going to get on his motorcycle and ride cross country.

As we pulled into Pensacola for the last stop, Jon called a band meeting around the kitchen table.

“Hey guys, I got a phone call and we need to talk.” I hated it when Jon went all serious on us. Most of the time we were all equals in the band but this time, it was quite apparent he was playing the founder's card and we were to listen.

“Mercy Crush had to drop out of their summer tour,” he said matter-of-factly. “Tanya got a call this morning asking if we'd be willing to take their place.”

“Sounds good to me,” Travis chimed in. Of course it did. There was nothing waiting for him in Portland that he couldn't get on the road. Okay, so the same could be said for all of us but he had no reason to want off the bus for a while.

Jon shook his head. “We all know you don't have a life, but I need to know that you two are on board.” He looked directly at both of us and I slouched in my seat. For the second time in a week, I felt like he was calling me out over things with Colton.

“Why wouldn't we be?” Colton answered and I nodded. We'd never gone against what was best for the band in the past; it made no sense that Jon thought we might now.

“Well, I know you two had plans for the break and those are shot to shit if we do this. We'll have three weeks off but we have to get back to Portland, try to get some writing in, hopefully lay at least a few tracks, and get back to Memphis for the first show.” The way Jon rattled everything off, it did sound like there would be zero time to be alone with Colton. I felt guilty for trying to decide whether or not that upset me. I mean, we'd still be spending time together but it'd be the same way we already had been.

“Jon, I have a thought.” Colton stood from his seat and I stared up at him. He nodded towards the bedroom and then half of our band was locked behind the door in a conversation that didn't include me and Travis.



There was no way to hide the fact that I was irritated with Jon and Colton once our show was over. Normally we were inseparable at public events but I couldn't get far enough away from them. They hadn't felt the need to let me know what they were talking about in the bedroom and that pissed me off. We'd always been strong because we didn't believe in keeping secrets.

Colton found me when the party wore down and led me to his motorcycle which was now sitting in front of the bar.

“Going somewhere special?” I wanted to stay mad at him but it was damn hard when he pulled our leathers out of the saddle bags and told me to get on behind him.

When he bought the bike, I thought he was insane and we'd be getting a call that he was a stain on the highway somewhere within the month but he quickly proved he was a very responsible rider. Now, he and I tried to take little road trips whenever we could, even if it was just an hour driving aimlessly. I figured that's what he was up to, knowing it was almost therapeutic to me to feel the freedom of the road.

“You'll see.” He flipped down the visor on his helmet and revved the engine. I squeezed tighter around his waist as we took off into the night.

At first I thought maybe Colton had arranged for us to still spend the night in downtown Pensacola but he headed south towards Bayfront Parkway. We rode along the coast for over an hour before he pulled up to the entrance of a gated community and entered a security code. It was only minutes after that when we pulled up in front of a stunning two-story stucco house with a clay tile roof.

“What's going on?” I asked, thoroughly confused.

“Come on.” Colton pulled me up the brick walkway. He entered another code into the lockbox and pulled out a set of keys.

He opened the door to expose a small entrance hall leading into a living room with floor-to-ceiling windows. The casual furniture was upholstered in taupe and white with light blue accents maintaining a serene, nautical feel.

“What are we doing here?”

Without saying a word, Colton grabbed my hand, leading me through the living room to the veranda. He sat on a chaise lounge and pulled me onto his lap. “Well, you wanted to go into your cave and forget about the world for a while so I'm giving you a cave to hide in.”

“You can't afford a place like this.” I didn't even want to think about how much he was paying to rent this place, even for the night. Sure, we'd hit the point where we didn't have to live off Ramen noodles and macaroni but we were far from living the high life.

“Don't worry about that. Just relax and enjoy yourself.” I rested my head on Colton's chest listening to the waves crashing against rocks in the distance.

“And Jon's cool with this? I mean, he made it pretty clear we needed to get back to Portland as quick as possible so we can cram in work before we leave again. I really don't need him getting pissy with me again.” No matter how many times Jon told me he was happy that we'd gotten our head out of our asses, I still obsessed over something with our relationship breaking up the band.

“Yeah, Jon's all good. That's what we were talking about earlier. He and Travis are going to take our hotel room for the night and then they'll come down sometime tomorrow late afternoon.” Colton pressed his face into the crown of my head as he rubbed my shoulders.

“But what about--”

Colton placed two fingers against my lips effectively silencing me. “No, no thinking. Just let go and enjoy yourself. You've been a beast lately, taking on everything that's been thrown at you. You deserve this.”

“But--”

“I said no.” His mouth crashed against mine, his hand lightly squeezing the nape of my neck. The kiss was short but effective. He'd taken me by surprise and I had no words.

“Can I ask one question?” I put on the sweetest pouty face I could muster. I wanted to slap women who played the sweet and innocent game to get what they wanted but tonight I was going to use it to my advantage. “How did you guys get this place on a few hours' notice?”

When Colton shifted his body under mine, I started to stand. He grabbed my wrist as he rolled to his side, making room for me to do the same. I laid down facing him, staring into his icy blue eyes. It worried me to notice he wasn't returning my gaze; his eyes were fixed somewhere over my shoulder.

“I made a phone call.” I was tempted to make a smartass comment about how that was a pretty obvious answer but something in the air between us told me it wasn't the time for wit. He was still staring into the distance as his hand brushed along my arm.

“Is this the part where I'm supposed to pry for more information or the part where I'm supposed to let it drop even though I know there's more to the story?”

I was turning into someone I barely knew; an easily influenced, game-playing twit who thought twice before speaking her mind. I was becoming who I figured I would have been had I not left home. I could see Maddie being this way; that's part of what I hated about myself as a teen.

Colton didn't answer me and I didn't push him. Instead, I found my own patch of long grass in the distance to focus on. We must have been a sight, both of us lost in thought, holding one another but not talking.

This was the first time I really had time to process everything I'd learned when we were home for my mom's funeral. I'd pushed it away, promising myself I would deal with it once the tour was done.

I didn't want to think about how much I'd hurt my family over the years but I needed to if I hoped to change the pattern. I didn't say anything to anyone, but I could tell when we were there that my dad wasn't doing well.

He wasn't the same strong, confident man he'd been when I was a kid. It's hard to put my finger on it, but he felt broken. It'd be easy to blame that on Mom's death but I was pretty sure it went deeper than that. Of course, if I had tried to say anything, everyone would have told me I was crazy, so I kept my mouth shut.

Even Colton didn't know that before this latest wrench in my plans, I was hoping to spend part of the summer with my dad, trying to pick up the pieces. There was this nagging voice in my head telling me I needed to, that time was running out, and I didn't want to live with the same regrets when it came to him that I will carry with me until I die about my mom.

“Hey, Moo, what's going on?” Hearing my childhood nickname pass his lips pulled me out of my trance. Surprisingly, it didn't upset me as much as I thought it would.

“Why'd you call me that?”

He shrugged. “Don't know, guess it just came out. You're not gonna castrate me or anything, are you?” I laughed when he moved to cross his hands in front of that most sensitive area.

“Not this time.” I looked into the distance again, trying to sort out what was in my head before I said anything. “I'm not sure what's more shocking; that you called me Moo or that I'm not pissed at you for it.”

While I couldn't regret my decision to become the person I wanted to be, I was starting to wish I had done things differently in my late teens. I would never admit it to anyone, but part of me missed Maddie. Is it possible to miss yourself? All I knew was that I had survived a trip home maintaining a delicate balance of Maddie and Rain and it had been one of the highlights of my adult life. I wondered if it would be possible to find a balance moving forward where Rain would become more of a who I am when I'm on stage and when I'm not working, I could be Maddie with a touch of Rain.

“So, are you going to tell me what you're thinking or do I need to drag it out of you?” Colton's fingers started dancing along my stomach to my ticklish sides.

“Stop it,” I cried as he started tickling me harder and faster. I was writhing on the chaise lounge, causing it to start tipping twice, which only made me laugh harder.

“Are you going to tell me?” He was relentless and part of me liked it. While there are times it's nice to be left alone and times I had no desire to talk, it meant a lot to me that he cared enough to not let me bottle everything until I exploded.

“I'm worried about my dad,” I sighed. “I think there's something he's not telling us.” As I continued telling him why I had this feeling, tears started streaming down my face. I didn't want to think about losing another parent. I shouldn't think that way since I had no proof that it was a real possibility anytime in the near future but losing my mom made me think about the fact that I only had one parent left.

“What do you want to do?” Colton asked me when I was finished. I had been so lost in my thoughts I hadn't realized that, at some point, we'd shifted again and I was resting my head on his chest while he gently rubbed my back.

“Is Jon going to throw a shit fit if I say I want to go see Dad before we hit the road again? I can't shut him out and it'll kill me if anything happens and I didn't at least try to reach out to him.” It was a lot to ask. Jon had been crystal clear about how much work there was to be done in a short time. It was the reason we weren't even going home between tours. And now I wanted to take time off.

“I'll call him but I don't think he'll have a problem with it. If you want, we'll grab one of the cars and head out whenever you're ready.” I looked up at Colton, confused.

“Grab one of the cars?”

“Yeah, there's an Audi Q7 and a Challenger out in the garage. We can leave tonight if you want.”

“And we could take cars that don't belong to us on a cross-country trip because...” I had no clue what was going on, but things were quickly not adding up and it was time for him to come clean.

“Because they're my dad's and I can use whatever I want when I'm down here. Call it his way of making up for lost time.” Colton never really talked about his dad and I never asked. I knew it was a sore subject for him and that his dad wasn't around for him. That only made it seem even more bizarre that we were staying in his house and getting ready to take one of his vehicles on a late night trip.

“I thought you two didn't talk?” I didn't want to push but I wanted to understand. Isn't that what people do when they care about one another?

“I'd rather not get into it, but for the past year or so, you know, since Blessed Tragedy started to take off nationally, he's been calling me. When I came down here last Christmas, he told me to consider this place my own whenever I was in the area. I called him earlier to make sure he meant it and he confirmed that he hadn't changed his mind and gave me the codes.”

He kissed my forehead. “Is that enough for the curious cat for now?”

It was far from enough but I knew it was all I was going to get. It was more than I'd expected to get but I figured that was his way of trying to meet me halfway.

“You really don't mind doing this? Maybe we should see about flying so we don't waste a full day driving there and back.” Doing the math, it was going to be over fifteen hours driving each way, before stops for gas, food and whatever else. That meant, realistically, it would take almost a day up and a day back.

“We can do that. I'll go up to the office and see what I can find for tomorrow morning.”

I laid my head back on Colton's firm chest and listened to the ocean. I tried to focus on the sounds of the waves rolling along the shore in an attempt to drown out any thoughts about how drastically my life was changing. If I thought about that too much, I was liable to throw myself into a full-on anxiety attack because I didn't do well with the unknown.